Whatever It Takes

I've gone to church my whole life. I have sung "this world is not my home, I'm justa passin' through, my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue..." so many times that I can't possibly count. I have heard sermon after sermon after sermon about Heaven and the limitations of this Earth. 

I know in my head that this world is not where I belong. I know in my head that this world isn't meant to satisfy me and that it never will. Not my marriage. Not my home. Not my kids. Not my personal sense of accomplishment. 

But the other day I had a sort of 'aha!' moment.

I was pondering my beliefs about life. About my marriage in particular. I was kind of doing a heart check to see if my beliefs line up with God's word and I realized that they don't. 

I realized that my heart was still holding onto the belief that if I could just work hard enough or find the secret formula that all of my needs/wants could be met and I could be completely and utterly happy based on that. 

The thing is, this life isn't about this life. 

Being dissatisfied here is a good thing. It is those feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment that send me running straight into the arms of God and into a deeper relationship with Him.

This life and this place and these people and this food are not meant to satisfy me. It's not their job. 

And that heart realization is revolutionizing me. It immediately lifted weight off my shoulders and gave me a sense of peace.

I can be content and even joyful in the imperfections and trials of this life. I can allow those moments to draw me closer to God.

When my husband lets me down, I can let him off the hook and praise God for the reminder that He is my completer and ultimate provider.

When my own flaws and imperfections become apparent and the limitations of my humanity show their face, I can praise God and seek His kingdom and trust that His power is perfected in my weakness.

My desire is for transformation. I have been praying for that. I long to be like Jesus. But I've been complaining about the very things He was using to answer those prayers. 

Hm...that reminds me of a song. How about you?! 

So today my prayer is "whatever it takes God. Whatever it takes to draw me to You. Please give me that. As scary as that could be....I trust You. Please give me that." 

A Mother's Day Tale :)

I was born in a little "Indian" clinic in Cuba, New Mexico--a little town about 80 miles northwest of Albuquerque. We didn't actually live in Cuba. In fact, we didn't live in any town at all. We lived in the (literal) middle of nowhere...they hadn't even run electric or telephone lines and we didn't have indoor plumbing. My parents moved there to do mission work.

My favorite picture of my mom (which has mysteriously disappeared) is one of her standing over a washboard scrubbing clothes...because in 1982 they didn't have electricity and thus no washing machine. They had put the washboard on the tailgate of a pick up truck so she wouldn't have to bend over her swollen belly. The best part of the picture? The enormous smile on her face.

You would have thought that a pregnant woman, living in the middle of nowhere, who didn't have the most basic luxuries (like using an indoor bathroom instead of an outhouse) that all of her friends had  would not have many reasons to smile. But she did. Because what we have and where we live does not determine who we are or our level of contentment. It's a heart issue.

What I do with what I have won't change when I have more. It's a heart issue. If I can't be happy living in the middle of nowhere, with no electricity and no indoor plumbing then I won't be happy with a mansion on a hill and a flushing toilet. It's a heart issue.

Sometimes I moan and bellyache because life isn't easy or because other people's lives seem easier than mine. But you know what? It's the hard moments, the crunch times, the days where I just don't understand how I'm gonna make it through that change me the most. Those are the days I'm the most happy and thankful for in the end.

I can say yes to God with what I already have and then approach the situation with a sense of adventure and watch as God blesses me with creativity and a learning experience...setting me up to be better prepared in the future...OR I can dig my heels in and resist every inch of the way and be just as overwhelmed the next time.

Tough decision?! It shouldn't be, but it is for me. Because it really is a heart issue. One that I'm praying for and submitting to God to change.

God is good!!

Attitude Wrinkles

Remember when you were  kid and you had contorted your face into some silly visual concoction and, invariably, an adult said something like...”you better watch out, your face might stick like that”?

That saying came to mind recently as I was pondering how some people seem to be smiling even when they’re not...and others seem to be hiding a frown...even when they’re smiling.

It occurred to me how profoundly that warning applies to my attitude and general approach to life.

“If my attitude, in this moment, got stuck like this...what would life be like?” I’ll tell you that a lot of times the future would not look very bright!

A moment of negativity doesn’t mean I’m a negative person...but moments add up. When it all adds up, what kind of person am I? Am I encouraging others and spurring them on to love and good works? Or am I draining the life out of them?

“You better watch out, your attitude might get stuck like that!”

What goals have you set this week? And what one thing are you doing today to reach that goal? Let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to encourage you or help you reach your goal!

And remember “tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it!” :)

Tough Times Call For Tough Decisions

I was born in a little "Indian" clinic in Cuba, New Mexico--a little town about 80 miles northwest of Albuquerque. We didn't actually live in Cuba. In fact, we didn't live in any town at all. We lived in the (literal) middle of nowhere...they hadn't even run electric or telephone lines and we didn't have indoor plumbing. My parents moved there to do mission work.

My favorite picture of my mom (which has mysteriously disappeared) is one of her standing over a washboard scrubbing clothes...because in 1982 they didn't have electricity and thus no washing machine. They had put the washboard on the tailgate of a pick up truck so she wouldn't have to bend over her swollen belly.The best part of the picture is the enormous smile on her face.

You would have thought that a pregnant woman, living in the middle of nowhere, who didn't have the most basic luxuries (like using an indoor bathroom instead of an outhouse) that all of her friends had  would not have many reasons to smile. But she did. Because what we have and where we live does not determine who we are or our level of contentment.

Sometimes I moan and bellyache because life isn't easy or because other people's lives seem easier than mine. But you know what? It's the hard moments, the crunch times, the days where I just don't understand how I'm gonna make it through that change me the most.

When I finally buckle down and realize that I have a choice, I can approach the situation with a sense of adventure and watch as God blesses me with creativity and a learning experience...setting me up to be better prepared in the future...OR I can dig my heels in and resist every inch of the way and be just as overwhelmed the next time.

Tough decision?! Believe it or not, sometimes in the moment it IS a tough decision for me...because my flesh wants to play the victim. But when I make the decision in advance it's not a difficult decision at all and I go into the situation with a sense of adventure and creativity so the tough moments don't seem so tough.

God is good!!

I've Got The Itch!

I have never been a shopper. When I was in college I kind of developed an unhealthy relationship with shopping. I used it to fill my voids (along with food and promiscuity).  And up until the last couple of years, while I didn't have access to a lot of money, I spent a lot of money that I shouldn't have to comfort myself. Of course, we all know THAT drill. It's not really comforting because then you feel guilty.

For the last few years God has really curbed that appetite in me. He's taught me that nothing--not shopping, not eating, not fulfilling the desires of my flesh, not inflicting pain upon myself--NOTHING will fill the God shaped hole in my heart except HIM.

The last week or so I've really had an itch to shop.

Honestly, there are a lot of things we need (Nathaniel's tennis shoes have been duct taped closed and now the duct tape isn't holding...AKA He NEEDS shoes) but there's also a very limited budget for those things...and some of them will have to wait.

I've been struggling with contentment.

I've been focusing on the fact that all of my jackets and warm clothing are too big for me...and brushing aside the fact that I have a jacket at all. I've been focusing on the fact that other people's kids have multiple pairs of shoes instead of on the fact that my kids have shoes.

It's so funny how I kind of expect God to meet my standards. If I don't have multiple pairs of shoes, God hasn't met my need for shoes...right?! Kind of like the Israelites in the desert. They didn't have 5 pairs of shoes to choose from, but they had shoes that didn't wear out. They didn't have a big Thanksgiving feast to eat every day, but they had manna.

God never said that he would buy me a pair of new running shoes, he would give my kids the same standard of living that all their friends have, or that I would have a jacket that fits. But I have running shoes, my kids are clean, fed and happy and I have a jacket.

And at the end of the day I am truly blessed. Not being able to just go and shop away my sorrows helps me to depend on God instead of a new pair of shoes. It's helps me to remember that my treasure is not here. That my focus is not on fashion. It's on Jesus.

God is so awesome! Today I am thankful for warm clothes and shoes. And that God doesn't give me everything that I think I want, because what He has to give me is always so much infinitely better.

God is Everywhere

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. ~Proverb

The people who live in a golden age usually go around complaining how yellow everything looks. ~Randall Jarrell

It is no use to grumble and complain;
It's just as cheap and easy to rejoice;
When God sorts out the weather and sends rain -
Why, rain's my choice.
~James Whitcomb Riley

Why is it that when we don't have a job we get depressed and want one, but when God blesses us with one, we complain about the same job we were so desperate for? Or we long for children but then complain about having to take care of them?

I have a renewed zeal to refrain from complaining. Thankfulness is the order of the day. My kids can hear me complain about having to take care of them, how could I ever subject them to that?

It seems with social networking sites we have a new, almost anonymous voice with which to air our complaints. Here's the thing - God is on Facebook, and I'm pretty sure He still wants us to rejoice, think on good things and "do all things without complaining or arguing" even in cyberspace.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (emphasis mine)