Changes

A few months ago, I sat in our van crying and hopeless. I was completely broken and disgusted with myself. Not only with how physically unhealthy I was, but emotionally as well. (That's me, on the far right...around this time)

Right then, I made a decision to join Weight Watchers. I had no idea when there was a meeting but I drove straight there and joined.

Since then, I've lost 87 pounds.

I can run...really run for the first time in I don't even know how long....and I have run, repeatedly.

I'm not saying that all of my problems are solved, but I do have hope. Not because I've somehow, miraculously, gained self control...I've tried a million times to lose weight...and I haven't...so I know it isn't me.  God has blessed me tremendously. There is not one ounce of credit that I can take for that 87 pounds...the glory is all His. I pray he continues to bless me.

Being lighter physically is not the only way I've been blessed. I'm finding it easier to step out of my comfort zone...partly because I spend less time worrying about what other people think of me. I'm learning that that really doesn't matter...it's what God thinks that matters.

I'm so excited to see where God takes me, what He does with my life.

It feels so good to let go, give up control and just let Him lead. Which is kind of an odd thing to say since I tend to be a control freak. A control freak that HATES being in control??? The mind reels.

Free Indeed...at last.

Here I am. Scars and all. And for the first time in my life I can sincerely say...I do what I do because I believe it's right, although I fall short on a pretty constant basis...my relationship with God is between me and Him...and others opinions of the state of my salvation doesn't affect it. God knows me, He knows my heart. He said that if I seek, I'll find. So here I am, trusting Him. Really believing Him.

I appreciate admonishment and provocation from anyone who will love me enough to give it...but my relationship with Jesus and my heavenly Father is not defined by what you think of me and I won't live in fear any longer. 

And it feels awesome.

 

Like Mother Like Daughter

So after a 7 year hiatus, and in an effort to NOT be confused with the local bag lady...I've been sprucing up my appearance...losing weight, actually combing my hair--instead of the perpetual, and very literal (not carefully crafted) messy bun--and...drum roll...wearing make up.

I love makeup, doing my hair and dressing nice but, for some weird and completely alien reason, I stopped doing all of those things...and the local bag lady became my fashion role model.


Well, Elisabeth decided she needs a change too...and the nearest black marker did just the trick!

Surprise! Surprise!

So on Monday and Tuesday I suffered horribly from a cold.  By Wednesday it had developed into an all out sinus infection.

But do I go to the doctor? Of course not! It's more fun to try out all the quirky ways of healing myself than to do something as easy as take a pill.

So I hit the 'net in search of natural remedies.

The one I kept coming across was 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar in eight ounces of water.  Ugh. 

But I decided to give it a try. Mostly to prove it wrong and set all these quacks straight...

But I drank it. I admit it wasn't as bad as most liquid medicines I've had. And it made my tummy feel all warm and settled.

In less than five minutes, the imaginary SOS pad that had been scrubbing my sinuses magically disappeared, the faucet stopped running and I could hear and breath again. A miracle I tell you!

Natural Cure All

Apparently, BandAids even cure runny noses...and I don't bother to wash my children's faces before I take their picture!

Learning to Be Wise: A Work in Progess

So there's good news and there's bad news.

I'll share the good news first.

Mornings at our house, since the kids started school, have been hectic. I didn't think adding a kiddo to the morning send off would be such a big deal. but it is.  So far, they haven't been late...but my goal is to walk them to school everyday and that's only happened once so far. 

This morning marked the beginning of the second week of school...and it was by far the most pleasant morning so far.  Wanna know why?

I made breakfast last night!  I had Applesauce Bread and boiled eggs on the menu, and since I'm much more of a night person than a morning person, I boiled the eggs and made the bread last night! 

And for the first time this year, I didn't feel like chicken running around with it's head cut off all morning.

I'm sure in these little 'realizations' of mine, you all are thinking how silly I am to have not thought of them before...but apparently I'm a slow learner.

Now for the bad news.

This weekend, I gave in and said yes, when I should have said no.

It's not that I didn't think HE would provide, it's that I didn't want to wait for him to.  I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it NOW.

So, if you're a "righteous man" could you use some of those "effectual, fervent prayer"s on my behalf?

How to Get Your Four Year Old to Go To Bed

Are you having trouble getting your four year old to go to bed when it's time?

Is there whining and complaining and lots of excuses to get out of bed?

Well, since I'm a parenting expert, let me tell you how to solve that problem. Listen really well, because with all of my experience and perfectly angelic kids, I'm definitely qualified to give you advice.

You'll need some rope, and knot tying know-how...and if that doesn't work...there's always NyQuil...

JUST KIDDING!

No, but really, I went to tell Elisabeth to get ready for bed last night...and she was already tucked tightly in her bed, sound asleep. 

Here's how I did it...

I have no idea.  But it sure was nice!

I Dunno

Motherhood is complicated.  It's extremely eye opening. It illuminates every fault (like...I need to clean my camera lens)...and places an urgency on fixing them.

Seeing my kids struggle brings out the mother bear in me.  I want to fix whatever the problem is. And when I can't fix the problem or I don't understand the problem, I get frustrated and sometimes that comes out as anger.

The last thing my sweet babies need when they have a problem, is to feel like I'm angry at them.

My oldest son has been facing some problems at school.  Last year was very hard on him.  We're still seeing the effects.

The thing is, I feel so helpless to fix it. Or to even help him. 

I'm really struggling with knowing what to do and being patient with him, understanding that he's not being difficult on purpose.

Please pray.  We need wisdom, and patience.

Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him. Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre. Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love. By the word of the LORD were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth. He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; he puts the deep into storehouses. Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the people of the world revere him. For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm. The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth-- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,  to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 33

Healthier All American Meal

I've been on a journey to provide my family with natural, healthy food for a few years now.  It started when I realized how negatively Caleb, my oldest, was affected by sugar. And then I developed a severe thyroid problem.

One of the first foods that I changed, was our peanut butter (btw, out of the peanut butters I searched for, Jif was the only one that offered their complete list of ingredients).  I always thought that peanut butter was healthy  but when I started trying to cut out sugar from our diet...lo and behold...the second ingredient in peanut butter was...drum roll...SUGAR! In our house, we paired peanut butter with jelly, and since jelly is mostly sugar...I was basically feeding my kids a sugar sandwich.

And then I started learning about oils...fully and partially hydrogenated oils and mono and di-glycerides (all of which are ingredients in most peanut butters...to make them more spreadable). Yuck!

So I had a problem...I don't know about your house, but at ours peanut butter and jelly was a staple.

So I set out trying to find a replacement.

The store I shop at has peanut and almond grinders for customers to make their own peanut/almond butter.  I did that for a while and mixed the peanut butter with honey.  This received negative reviews from my family.  Michael, whose super power is his stomach of steel, disliked it so much that he would skip a meal if this was served.

So I moved onto the ready made "natural" peanut butters. I tried Laura Scudder's and MaraNatha,  and while the taste was good, it was hard to spread and the oils that gathered at the top were rather bothersome, in that they would sometimes spill over while I was attempting to mix it back in. Since I've tried these, MaraNatha has developed "no stir" nut butters...I've tried the "no stir" almond butter and it was fantastic!

After a couple of years of searching, I finally discovered Smart Balance peanut butter.  I love it because all the ingredients are natural. It's sweetened with molasses and contains flax seed oil.  My kids absolutely love it!

Since the peanut butter already contains a sweetener, I really don't want them consuming even more in jelly.  I've done a lot of experimenting and we've come up with an alternate that my kids love even more!

1/2 cup Peanut Butter
3-4 Tablespoons unsweetened applesauce
1/2 of a ripe banana

Mix it all together.  We spread this in between whole grain bread for lunch or on celery for a snack. Either way, it's much healthier than sugar sandwiches!

Billy Joe McGuffrey and Green Eggs and Ham

Traditional, first day of school, green eggs and ham, cooked, delighted in and gulped down by three eager to get to school kiddos and two disappointed that they have to wait until next year.

This years holds a lot of firsts for us...Caleb was VERY nervous this year and he's never been that way before...I spent a lot of time praying last night. I hope this year is better for him!

Nathaniel forgot his glasses (that isn't one of the firsts)...

And for the first time since I've had kids in school...I don't have any kindergarten-ers.

And can I just mention...it takes Lilla twice as much time to get ready for school as it does the boys. She's only 5, y'all. It's the hair. And the fact that getting her dressed is more complicated than the boys.  The boys are good with a pair of jeans, tshirt, socks and shoes.  Lilla, on the other hand, has to have AN OUTFIT.  She starts with finding the perfect shirt...and then she has to find the perfect pants/skirt to go with it...and the perfect shoes to match the outfit...the perfect hair dodads to match the outfit and shoes...and then when she's got the perfect outfit on, she has to change five or six times to MAKE SURE it's the perfect outfit.

Oh well. She's fun. I like her!

I can't wait for them to get home!

Learning to Say No and Just Trust

Sometimes it's difficult to discern between needs and wants.

And when you have a limited budget that won't even allow for some of the needs, let alone the wants, it's tempting to throw the budget out the window and live beyond our means.

And believe me, we've done our share of that.

Sure, it's annoying to not have all of the perks that your friends have, but it's even more annoying and sooo stressful to not be able to pay our bills because we wasted it at Target.

So learning to tell myself no has been a big necessity.  But let me tell ya, it feels so good. Saying no takes a weight off of my shoulders, in the way that spending and having "things" puts it on.

Sometimes it's hard to decide when we should just spring for something, and trust that God has us covered or when we should tell ourselves no and wait for Him to provide it.

I found a really cheap version of one of the books I mentioned earlier on Amazon and I have been so tempted to just get it.  I think of all the ways having it will benefit me, my family and help me bring glory to God.

I made the concrete decision today, that if God wants me to have it, if it really will benefit my family and glorify Him, He will provide it. And if He doesn't provide that particular book, He will provide in some way that will benefit us and bring glory to Him in ways I can't imagine.

I've told myself this very thing a lot lately.  And it works. Letting it go, trusting that God will provide what I need and recognizing that just because I think I need it, doesn't mean I do.  It feels awesome to be creative and do without something I thought I needed.  I'm learning to be thankful when God says no, and I'm working toward my mission of being trusted implicitly by my husband.

God is awesome!

Portion control

Sometimes being a parent is hard.  Ah...who am I kidding? It's mostly hard. But a good kind of hard.

 I have become a portion Nazi.  Meaning, I've become a tyrant about the portions my kids, and myself, eat.  I decide before a meal how much each person will get and that's what they get...and not a drop more.  Well, I'm a little looser with veggies...but for the most part...each person gets their share and that's it. No seconds, no exceptions.

You see, I am overweight...er...obese.  That's really hard to say.  But you know what? I don't ever want to have to use that word in regard to my children.  And that is largely up to me.  Did you know that if you are overweight there's an 80% chance that your children will be? It's true.

I don't typically think of it this way, but I am setting my kids up for failure.  Who wants to do that? I certainly don't.

Lately I had started noticing growing bellies on my babies...and I knew that I had to do something.  I had already joined Weight Watchers but I hadn't really changed my family's diet at all...only mine. So I made a decision that something had to change...and that something was the size portions I allowed my children to have.  As well as teaching them table manners...which encourages them to eat slower, take smaller bites and in the process, not eat so much.

And just in the three weeks I've been really strict about this, my monkeys little bellies have shrunk significantly. I haven't weighed or measured them because I didn't want to make it about weight for them, I want it to be about being healthy...but just judging from their size, they've probably lost a few pounds.

But that's not the only positive difference in our lives, resulting from more careful portion control.

Our groceries last much longer. I've only had to go major grocery shopping once this month...as opposed to 2 or 3 times. I spent around $400 on groceries this month...for a family of seven...as opposed to $600-800.

Pride

Pride hinders growth.

It tells us that we are a victim. It takes the responsibility off of our shoulders, hands us someone else's burden to bear and a loud voice to complain about it all with.

It produces denial.  Denial that we are the problem...and convinces us that it isn't just our unwillingness to get up off of our rumps and change...it's someone else, or our environment. 

It puts us on the defensive when we receive advice and helps us ignore the advice or tear it down.

I think this is something that young people have to really work on.

Looking back over the past few years...especially since I started having kids...I have recognized this in myself so much.  It was pointless to give me advice.  I'm not sure what it is about becoming a mother that totally brings out the pride claws...but it does.  But with each baby, God has cut me down to size and given me an insatiable desire for growth...so the pride had to go. Not saying it doesn't rear it's ugly head on plenty of occasions...but I'm learning to recognize the signs and 'nip it in the bud' when it does.

I remember as a young mother (haha that's like my kids talking about when they were kids) being frustrated at the lack of older womanly advice that was offered to me.  But, after having a few opportunities to play the role of the older woman in a few instances, I'm realizing that

1.)I was offered advice, but my pride either ignored it or made a defense as to why it wouldn't work and

2.)It's discouraging, as an advice giver to have someone completely tear you down and ignore your advice. Not that I offer a lot of advice, but on the occasion or two that I've been asked, they haven't been positive experiences and I have learned a lot about why 'older women' are hesitant to offer advice.

Growth is my goal...I don't have time for hindrances...I have too much growing to do to allow pride to slow me down.



 

I Learned Something New: Fresh Ginger

I'm extremely self conscious of my cooking.  I love to do it but I just don't have a lot of confidence.  So I love trying a new recipe that requires me to learn something in the process.

This past weekend I tried this Chicken Curry recipe.  It was not mind blowing for us but everyone ate it. And in a house full of crazies, that's quite an accomplishment.

A few months ago I got some fresh ginger, all excited to use it. I used it once with unmemorable results and never got the motivation to try to navigate the gnarly little sucker again! And then it got all shriveled up.

So, I threw the shriveled up ginger away and bought fresh.

Ginger is a root and very much looks like one.  It is extremely fragrant when you peel it. 

You can typically find it, in a supermarket, near the fresh garlic.

I keep mine in the crisper drawer of my refrigerator either in a paper bag, or in a ziplock baggie...where it stays nice for up to four weeks.Yes, I tested this theory...remember the shriveled up ginger?!

Depending on how you want to use it, it can be prepared differently. It does have skin and a layer of fibrous flesh under that (can you see the darker layer just under the skin?).  If you're planning to peel and chop it (in a recipe like Chicken Curry), it's a good idea to peel this layer off as well...or no matter how fine you chop it, you'll end up with ginger fibers stuck in your teeth.

Or, if you want to avoid all of that, use the microplane side on your cheese grater and the fibrous flesh will sort of come off on it's own...or be grated so finely that you won't know the difference!

A Little Bit of Heaven on Earth

Sometimes it's hard to imagine. I suppose my weak human mind is incapable of comprehending how amazing it will be.

But there are moments when it feels like time stops...and for a moment I get a glimpse of something so wonderfully beyond anything I can fathom...the sweet smile of a little freckle covered face or the completely delirious giggles of my children...it can only be described as a teeny tiny glimpse of Heaven. And I find it overwhelming that those moments, those little morsels of the divine, will be magnified a bazillion times in the presence of our Father.

And I am thankful for those moments...for the reminder that "I was made for another world".

Our Little Tortilla Factory

So me and my monkeys made tortillas today.  I think we managed to go completely booger free this time.  And they did wash their hands, although Lilla didn't get the soap completely rinsed off and one tortilla was suspiciously sudsy.  I guess now that we've got the booger thing down, we'll move on to the soap thing. 

The UNsoapy tortillas were awesome! I substituted whole wheat flour for the all purpose flour...I'm always a little nervous about doing that but so far everything I've made with wheat flour has been even better!

Five Little Monkey's Mama Teaches Manners

So since I've decided that we're going to have dinner guests, and since meal times at our house resemble a barnyard feed troph, maybe I should teach these wild monkeys some table manners.

Because we actually want our guests to enjoy our company, and to be able to have a conversation without being hit in the face with mashed potatoes. I think that's reasonable, don't you?

So day one of table manners boot camp went fairly well.  Nobody was injured, and nobody quit.  And there was a surprising lack of barnyard activity at our table this evening. 

Who'da thunk it?!

The Me I Used to Be

Part of my mission is to love others.  Michael, my kids, church family and pretty much everyone I come across.

But here's the thing, I'm bad at relationships. I avoid people chronically, and when I fail to completely avoid them I'm so awkward that they avoid me. 

I can't love people through the Berlin Wall.

It's time, after ten years, for the wall to come down.

Fear is my biggest barrier.  I'm afraid for others to know who I really am.  Because, I really believe that if you knew me, really knew me, you wouldn't like me.  I've done so many horrible things, who could like me?

And that is where my faith needs to grow.  Because I'm sure that Abraham was afraid when God told him to take Isaac to Mount Moriah...but he did it anyway because he trusted God.

I can't understand how God works or why He works...but he does. My human mind doesn't have to understand for me to trust that he is who he says he is and that he'll do what he says he'll do. "He is faithful that promised".

I know that he loves me.  I know that I don't deserve it.  I am so thankful. 

My goal for this week...a step toward my mission of trusting God and loving others...greet at least 10 people after worship services.

Last weeks goal update...my list is made, dates are set.


 

Back to School

I love back to school time! Not the part where my kiddos are gone for a big chunk of the day, that part I dread. But the new beginning, the chance to start fresh, THAT I love!

I like to take some time, this time of year, to rethink our families goals, assess where we are, what we've let go, what we need to improve on and new things that I would like to implement. 

I've been realizing lately how much of my kids lives revolve around food.  They're always hungry.  And when they say they're hungry, they must be fed, right?! Apparently NOT right. This is one of those things that really makes it clear that my faults bear themselves out in my children.

I'm a third generation yo-yo dieter. I've struggled with my weight for my entire adult life.  And did you know that if you're overweight, there's an 80% likelihood that your kids will be too?

I don't want that for them. I want them to be healthy and unencumbered by the stigmas and limitations of being overweight.  Because, let's face it, we can't be at our best, giving our all to God if our bodies are sickened by a heavy load.

This summer I realized that one of the major reasons they eat, is out of boredom.  When they have something to do constantly, they aren't asking me for food.

So these are my goals, as far as the kids health goes...

First, I can't deny them something that I allow myself. So I have to set an example of smaller portion sizes.

Second, be more purposeful in how we fill our time.  We've got some new board games that we've been having a blast with!  And I want to start walking with them again.

Third, realize that they don't really need seconds and thirds and cut back their portion sizes.

and fourth and probably the most important...cooking healthier meals and impressing upon them that food is to feed our bodies and that the party on our taste-buds is just an added bonus! And that not EVERY meal has to be a taste explosion!

I just love them so much and I don't want to see them become fourth generation yo-yoers. I want them to treat their bodies as the temples they are, and not just a den of pleasure, seeking out the next thrill, or in this case, the next yummy thing to eat!

A Prodigal Brother and His Redeemer

 In the world of motherhood, it's like there's some grand scheme of how to keep us in line.  A majority of the time the scheme involves guilt. After all, if you want to feel guilty, as a mom, there's an unending supply of things to feel guilty about...and quite nicely, the voices in our heads have made out a very diverse schedule of such things.

But just when you think you've had enough...they throw us a bone.  They give us a moment that makes up for all of the other moments. For just a minute, they allow us to sit back and say "I think I'm getting the hang of this!" and then swiftly we're brought back to reality by the food fight in the backseat.

 It's fun though, it really is.

Today, I got one of those moments. The one where I sit back in complete awe and utter a prayer of thanksgiving for making something beautiful out of the mess that I am.

Today, I took my kids to a quaint little mining town in the foothills.  We made candles, drank sasparilla, bought ginormous handmade lollipops, and bowled the old fashioned way.

One of the neat things about this town are the old fashioned dry goods shops. Well, they're neat if you're over the age of 25 and capable of NOT touching everything in sight.

I warned my kids before entering such a shop that if they could not keep their hands to themselves, that they would swiftly be banished to the little bench in front of the store, while the rest of us shopped.

Nathaniel couldn't keep his hands to himself. So off to the bench he went. Honestly, I think those glasses magnified his sad little eyes more than they help him see better.

Anyway, Caleb watched him exit the store. After a minute, Caleb pulled me aside and wanted to know if it was okay if he went and took Nathaniel's punishment so that Nathaniel could come back inside.  I was completely and utterly taken aback. My son, my eldest son, was willing to take the well deserved punishment of his little brother...for no other reason than that he loves him.

I had my little moment, that feeling of relief and thankfulness that God is really WITH me, and not in some far off place where I can't reach Him.

And then I was quickly brought back to reality by the literal kids in a candy store.  And all I've got to say is, there's a reason it's a cliche.

Outfit of the day By Elisabeth

Elisabeth  utilized the unappreciated aspects of this skirt by wearing the bloomers as a blouse, notice the very creative and boldly chic embellishment, typically worn as a garment tag!

Proverbs 31

I am completely baffled by the Proverbs 31 woman.  I wonder what her mother was like. I wonder what she felt like as a young bride...if she felt as overwhelmed as I do on a regular basis.

Wouldn't it be awesome if she wrote a book, did a book tour and then did a round of talk shows so we could all get a little glimpse into who she is and how on earth she does all that stuff?!

My husband is really awesome...he is constantly helping me. Whether it's dishes, laundry, dealing with the kids, etc.

A while back it occurred to me...Moses wouldn't have attained greatness if he were at home changing diapers when the bush was on fire.  My husband would never have made it to the mountain with one of our kids, like Abraham did with Isaac, because he would have been at home folding laundry.

I realized that my dependence on my husbands help around the house is holding him back.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with husbands helping...I'm just saying that one of the compliments the Proverbs 31 woman received is that she took care of everything at home so that her husband had the time to hang out in the gates with the elders, making a name for himself.

My husband is a musician...he writes beautiful songs.  I want everyone to know it...but they won't if I keep him busy doing dishes instead of taking care of that so that he has time to practice and perfect his art.

Excuses

There are so many things that I want to do for Christ...but I always seem to find an excuse for putting it off. I don't have enough money, my house isn't nice enough, my kids aren't well behaved enough, I'm not a good enough cook...the list could go on and on and on.

Recently, in my daily bible reading, I came across the story of Moses. I began to ponder how utterly ridiculous it was for Moses to tell God that he was slow of speech and therefore could not do as God wished. I mean, really, Moses was speaking to the creator of the universe...the one who formed his tongue and made speech possible in the first place. Didn't he realize that "with God all things are possible"?

And yet, as ridiculous as that seems to me, I still become paralyzed at the thought of having someone over for dinner. My house isn't nice enough, or big enough, and I am a very amateur cook.

The thing is, I don't have to have a fancy schmancy house to make people feel loved. A house, regardless of how big or fancy it is, can't love anyone. If God desires it of me, he'll work out the details. In Moses' case he provided Aaron...I don't know what the provision will be in my case. Maybe Paula Deen will show up on my doorstep. Who knows?!

This weeks step toward my mission--make a list of people I'd like to have over for a meal and actually invite someone

In the meantime, I plan to work on my culinary skills...I've been eyeballing these book...
How to Cook Without a Book by Pam Anderson (not THAT Pam Anderson)
Martha Stewart's Baking Handbook
Martha Stewart's Cooking School 
I'm Just Here for More Food by Alton Brown
The Way to Cook by Julia Child

BTW, I made Mini Apple Pies from Heavenlyhomemakers.com...they were a big hit!!

My Mission

I was thinking about Job the other day. Can you imagine God being so confident in you that he would be willing to make a wager upon your unwaveringness? I certainly can't.

I'm a waiverer. Mostly, I think because I have all of these goals for myself but no concrete plan to achieve any of them.

When you head out on a journey, at least most of the people I know, have set a destination, a map or directions for how to get there, and any accomodations they'll need along the way.

That is what my journey has been missing. I know where I want to be but I don't have a set route for getting there. I've made no plans.

So, after being inspired by InspiredtoAction, I decided to write a mission statement...

To place all of my faith in God, and to prepare my heart, mind, body and soul to be fully utilized by Him.
To make Michael feel loved, and to take care of his needs and those of our household leaving him free to attain greatness.
To fill my childrens lives with love and joy, leading their hearts toward God.
To focus my time and energy on developing and preparing myself to show the love of Christ to those around me.

With this bit of direction, I plan to utilize this blog as a documentation of my journey toward these goals. And I'm asking you to keep me accountable--to let me know when I'm slipping, or when something isn't working.

Paying for Help

I've always been a sucker for manly men. Seriously. Not just muscles...the whole honor code...fighting for what's right...dragon slayer...who does what's right when nobody is looking...you get the idea.

I am an extremely blessed woman. I know that. I have a husband who helps in just about every area of domestic life. When I can't get something done, I always think "well I'll get it done when Michael is here to help me". And let me tell you, I can count on him to help me. He folds laundry, washes dishes, changes beds...you name, he does it. In fact, I can't think of a woman more blessed than I, whose husband helps them as much as mine does.

When Michael and I were dating someone told me, after witnessing us together, that Michael would do anything for me, that he was wrapped around my finger. I have to tell you that I didn't really believe them. I knew that he loved me...well, in my own psychotic way I did...which means I didn't believe that there was anything to love but that he did his best with what I presented to him.

It's taken me 10 years to even begin to believe them. But I can honestly say that he does. He will do anything for me, and quite frequently does.

This thought is completely baffling to me. But more than that I am angry with myself for wasting the past 10 years making him perform menial tricks to prove he loves me. I've had my dragon slayer washing dishes!

Can you imagine Indiana Jones being reduced to a housekeeper?!

And yet, in my love for manly men...I have reduced my own to a maid. I am kryptonite around his neck...I've trapped Superman inside Clark Kent.

So what do I do with this knowledge? I have to admit that I'm feeling pretty lost right now. How do I undo 10 years of damage? I'm going to spend the next few days coming up with a plan...I'll let you know what I come up with. Any advice?

Conditional Respect

One of the pitfalls that I've discovered, is the expectation that Michael has to earn my respect. He does this, this and this, and therefore doesn't deserve my respect.

This thinking is wrong on several accounts.

1. My respect toward him will encourage him to stop sinning. So by being disrespectful to him, I am discouraging him from making the changes that I want him to make. So, in essence, I am defeating the very purpose I lament.

2. When this is my mindset, it is impossible for my standards to be met. He will always have things he needs to work on, there will always be areas where he falls short. There will always be some reason why he doesn't deserve my respect. That's why respect should be unconditional. If it's not, there would never be a circumstance that would merit my respect.

3. Also, this mindset steals any ability to see the things he does that are wonderful. It blinds me and makes it next to impossible to see what he does well, and causes me to focus on the areas where he's not so great.

Respect for my husband should come from my love of God, not from my love for my husband. Even if there is absolutely NOTHING to respect my husband about, I can respect him simply because he is my husband and God has asked me to do it.

I became part of a forum for women a few years ago. It was sort of a support group, I suppose. Anyway, there were hundreds of women who participated. I joined because I thought I would receive encouragement. I left after only a few days. It was so disheartening to me that most of the women's lives were completely wrapped up in this one sin that their husbands had committed. Although it didn't encourage me, it did open my eyes. I saw myself in them and realized that I didn't have to be like that. I didn't have to base my life and love for my husband around whether or not he was feeling strong that day.

My husband is my husband. I can respect him simply on that basis. But when I make the extra effort to show him that respect, I see the tons of other reasons I have to respect him as well.

How to Train Your Dragon

Last week I took Caleb to see How to Train Your Dragon. He enjoyed it immensely.

How to Train Your Dragon is about a young Viking named Hiccup. He doesn't really fit in with his peers, because unlike all the other Vikings, he is small and bookish instead of large and boorish. He is brushed aside by his father for being different. Hiccup eventually forges a friendship with a dragon, from whom he learns about all dragons. He discovers that the dragons are misunderstood, and if treated differently, become gentle instead of the fearsome creatures the Vikings perceive them to be.

As I watched the movie, I got to thinking. It has kind of become a common plot characteristic for the parents of the main character to be either deadbeats, or just plain ignorant. Movies such as How to Train Your Dragon, The Little Mermaid, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Chicken Little all portray story lines where the parents are ignorant and overprotective, or ignorant and indifferent, and need to be taught a lesson.

While I'm sure it's true that there are a lot of ignorant parents out there, and maybe even deadbeats, I'm wondering if there are, or have been, negative repercussions from this depiction of the parent/child relationship? I mean, should be repeatedly showing our kids how great it turns out when they completely ignore us and do what they want? And reaffirming in their minds that we really don't know what's best for them?

Maybe I'm making too much of this, but being a parent, I wonder.

Proof that I married the best man ever!

Here is proof that we actually DID get something done on our date week. Between sleeping, going to movies and generally lazing about...we refinished the hardwood floor in our living room. We absolutely love it! Here's what we did.
Step One:  Marry an awesome guy. You won't regret it! (This step is optional, you can do it without being married or being married to an awesome guy, it'll just take more work)
Step Two: Pull up the carpet. This is probably the most disgusting part. I wore a nose and mouth guard to avoid the dust and particles that flew about as we SCRAPED PADDING OFF THE FLOOR. Seriously, carpet is so gross! This just solidified my abhorrence of it!

Step Three:  Scrape the thick paint off. Make sure you wear gloves!!! I actually deadened some nerves in my hand because I didn't wear gloves. And paint stripper is potent stuff!

Step Four:  Clean up scrapings and materials left behind.

Step Five:  Sanding. We rented a sander from Home Depot. The sandpaper was more expensive than the machine was. We were very careful in our use of the sandpaper and used it very sparingly. This is where marrying the best man ever comes in real handy...

Step Six:  Wipe down the floor, removing all the dust particles left behind. DON'T SKIP THIS STEP! If you do dust particles will get into the stain and lacquer.

Step Seven:  Start staining. But first you have to choose a stain. We choose a darker stain because we thought it would made some blemishes in the floor less noticeable. I also knew I didn't want anything with red in it. I think we went with an antique Oak.

Step Eight:  Apply several coats of lacquer, make it all nice an shiny!

Step Nine: Apply a buffer on all hard surfaces that will come into contact with the floor...or your floor will get scratches and dents.

Step Ten:  Move all the furniture back into the room and sit on the couch cuddled up to the guy from step one and compliment him on his handy work.

It feels so good to have done something like this to improve our house. And I love having hardwood. I clean it with my vacuum and a Swiffer wet. It does collect and show a lot of stuff, but it just shows the stuff that carpet hides....and I'd rather see it when it's there and know it's gone when I can't see it. Did you know that the average carpet is dirtier than the street? That's really gross. Especially since I haven't completely convinced my kids to not eat off of the floor!

Keep Your Tongue From Evil, Keep Your Tongue

Tonight, as I stood in line at Target my eyes wondered to the magazine rack. As I read the various headlines, I was saddened by some news of a 'celebrity breakup'. But then I have to wonder, why does anyone read these? One issue they are declaring how in love a couple is and the next they are calling one of them a monster and relating his ongoing fidelity problems. Obviously these people don't really have the scoop, so why do people keep buying and reading that stuff? Why are we so obsessed with 'celebrity gossip', after all, IT IS gossip, right?

Can we really focus our eyes on Christ while dwelling on the lives of people who have no such conviction?

I am particularly prone to gossip, and I have to admit that for a long time I bought into celebrity gossip. But in an effort to remove the encumbrances that weigh me down, I've made a commitment to remove this temptation from my life.

Celebrity gossip isn't the only area where I struggle though. It seems that any situation that arises where there is lot of "visiting" I fall prey. I say something I shouldn't, whether in participating when others start or starting a conversation that shouldn't be had myself.

It seems in groups we always look for common ground, something on which we can build a conversation. But in a group of Christ followers, THAT should be our common ground. We don't need the woman whose neckline is too low, or the man who flirts too much, or the secret Betty Sue told us or the latest baseball game...if our eyes are focused where they should be, CHRIST is our common ground...which means our ENTIRE LIVES ARE IN COMMON. Feeling we have to have something else in common is like a group of art lovers, and particularly Mona Lisa lovers, staring at the Mona Lisa and feeling the need to talk about the latest baseball game. If you are in front of the Mona Lisa, the conversation is most likely going to revolve around it...the majesty...the rarity...and would not bring to mind Betty Sue's bad breath.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with talking baseball...I'm saying that Christ is our common ground, and if a conversation topic is needed, there's no going wrong with Jesus.

Proverbs 10:19
1 Thess. 4:11
Ephesians 4:29