Why There IS Hope for the Rest of Us Even Though Bennifer Didn't Make It

I read an article the other day where a young woman lamented the break up of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner and quarried that since THEY couldn't make marriage work that "there is no hope for the rest of us".

Now, I don't know what the circumstances of their divorce are and I don't need/want to know, but I want to be clear that there absolutely are situations where divorce is the only option. If a partner refuses to change or get help divorce may be the right choice.

But after many moments where I didn't know how we were going to make it or if I could keep on loving, I believe with all of my heart that there is hope for the rest of us.

Not because it is always fun and not because it always feels good, because it isn't and it doesn't. Living with someone, hearing them pass gas in the night and making major and minor life decisions with them day in and day out is going to lead to some tension. And the deep and ugly sin that I've managed to hide from every other person in my life is to my marriage what a major break in the foundation is to a house. It gets worse with time. It affects everything...even small things like the way a chair rolls across the floor.

But sin and struggle don't make a marriage bad and they don't mean there's no hope.

Marriage has led me to Jesus. And God has used it, more than anything else, to transform me into the likeness of His Son.

I believe with all of my heart that there IS hope and here's why I believe that...

1. God is good. He made marriage and He called it good and He Always Tells the truth.

2. God loves us and provides for us. He made woman because man was alone. And then when they sinned He concocted this amazing and intricate scheme to redeem us from it. Amazing love! How can it be!?!

3. The gospel is powerful. It is sharper than any two edged sword. It changes lives. God promises that anyone who seeks Him with their whole heart will find Him. And finding Him produces fruit. Good fruit. And good fruit in my life will produce good fruit in my marriage.

It does. I know. The gospel has changed me. It has transformed me from the bitter, negative attention seeking, lying, suicidal girl I was into a hopeful, forgiving, honest, live-for-Jesus girl. I'm not perfect. I have lots of areas that are in need of growth but I'm on the path and I praise God for that!

4. Free will. I have a choice. A good marriage is an intentional one. "Not getting along" is not something that just happens...it's a choice. Good, Christ honoring marriages don't just happen.  It is a decision...

• to forgive. Over and over and over. The way God, through Christ Jesus, has forgiven me. It isn't an emotion that either comes or doesn't. It is a decision and it is MADE. 

• to hold my tongue when I should, communicate when it's time and confess when I'm wrong. It is my responsibility to communicate respectfully. Complaining and criticizing are different than communicating the tools that Michael needs to be a good husband to me. Complaining and criticism belittle and provoke him, communication empowers him. 

• to love him deeply. Because love covers a multitude of sin. He's flawed just like me. And just like me he needs someone to know all of his stuff and love him anyway. 

• to be transformed. Gravely wronging someone, being gravely wronged and then committing to work it out and make it good anyway requires major renovation of the heart. It requires continual surrender. If I let Him, God can use my marriage to make me like Jesus. But it's not a passive thing, it's a decision I have to make. Over and over and over and over and over and...you get my drift. :) As my heart is renovated, my marriage is too. 

There is hope. There is so much hope for my marriage in Jesus. And Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner and their ability to keep it together have nothing to do with that.

Sometimes My Kids Set Me Straight Volume II

About a week and a half ago, my big boys were packing for Scout camp. I had planned to start early, and we did but we didn't finish early and I was headed for my old panic routine of completely flipping out. I don't even remember the specifics, but I remember that I was probably channeling the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland (OFF with their heads!).

I've always said that I want my family to be different. I don't want to yell at each other. I don't want my kids to think I'm a hypocrite. I don't want my kids to be angry at me. I don't want slammed doors and words spewed like venom.

I want love and respect. Even in disagreement. 

I used to be a yeller. As a young mom, I found myself going down a lot of roads I said I never would. 

I didn't know how to be a mom. I didn't know how to create an environment that embodied all of the things I wanted for my family. I still don't really. I know that sounds silly but I honestly was ignorant. I knew that I was supposed to clean the house and feed and bathe my children but I did not understand how to do all of that. It didn't and doesn't come natural to me. I really wish that I had asked someone to help me. But I thought I was supposed to know how to do it all, and I was too prideful to let anyone know how much I didn't know. 

God has done so much work in me. He has sent people my way to teach me and help me. I still have a looooooong way to go but I am so thankful for His work in my life. Did you notice that I said I used to be a yeller?! Uh huh. I used to be. I still mess up every once in a while but I am definitely in recovery for that.

So, in my Queen of Hearts state, Nathaniel had had enough and returned fire (via a response spoken under his breath). I reprimanded him. I was NOT prepared for what happened next. He turned to me and said "when you made that face I felt tempted to talk back to you". I had managed not to yell but apparently the look on my face was pretty rabid...I'm thinking probably Cruella DeVille-ish. Yeah, it was so bad that I have to use more than one Disney villain to fully express the awfulness.

Photo Credit

I actually had a hard time keeping a straight face. We've been working on using the whole "when you...I feel...I need" statements and he totally turned it on me!!! It immediately convicted me and I asked for forgiveness. 

And as they left for camp I spent time in prayer for my sweet boys and for myself. I spent the week asking God to make me a better mom and to transform me completely and to do whatever it takes to make me like Jesus. 

I'm not going to say that I am fixed and that my son will never have to let me know I've crossed the line again, but I am so glad to have them home. I really missed them but I'm so thankful that they had the opportunity to go. 

And I am thankful for the opportunity to see where I'm deficient and to surrender more fully to God's care and control and to all the changes he wants to make in my life.

Getting Real About Marriage

A little over a year ago, I wrote this post about my marriage. (And then about 6 months ago I wrote this one)

I kind of laugh at myself now because I didn't even know how unperfect my marriage was.

The truth is, I'm feeling a little bit cynical these days. I have a hard time reading anything about how to have a good marriage, because most of it seems so naive. And because I've taken so much of that advice and worked hard to implement it and I have still ended up where I have ended up. Broken. In a broken marriage. With a broken man.

We don't struggle with fighting about underwear on the floor. I mean, we might bicker about that periodically but it's never really about the underwear on the floor. 

Basically, his character defects and addictions have spent the last 15 years colliding with my character defects and addictions and now there's a desperate need for a "clean up on isle"...us. All this time we thought the mess was normal and okay and what we deserved. So we lived in it. And as we lived in it, it grew. 

I finally realized a few years ago that it wasn't normal and that things really could be different and so I started reading books and blogs about how to do it better...how to clean up this mess I'd made. And it did get cleaned up. Things got better and better. 

But it was like trying to clean up the water from a leak in the roof without fixing the leak in the roof. 

So, here we are fixing the leak in the roof. And I keep having to remind myself and hear the truth that I can't fix it by myself. 

The thing is, I can't fix my marriage without fixing me. A bridge can't be stable if the individual components aren't stable. A bridge can only be as strong as the individual structures that hold it together are. 

Our marriage can only be as strong and stable as Michael and I are. It can only be as Christ like as Michael and I are. 

And so we're working on our marriage by working on ourselves. We are surrendering to the changes that God sees fit to make in our lives. And we are loving each other deeply in the process. 

Broken Together

So, two people meet.  They "fall in love".  Then they encounter some type of obstacle and they almost don't make it...but they do and they live happily ever after.

So, I used to think that the Hollywood version of love couldn't be farther from the truth, but these days I think it's actually fairly accurate. Sort of.

In real life we meet, we're attracted to one another, we spend time together and decide to get married.  Then we encounter some type of obstacle and we wonder if we're going to make it. We either do or we don't but if we do, we're deeper in love.  And then it all starts again.

It's like an onion. (Donkey was onto something!) Onions are stinky. But to get to and deal with the stinky part that's actually offending my eyes and nose, I have to peel the layers off. Start with the skin.  It doesn't make a ton of difference but it's progress.  Progress is great and feels amazing but I get through one layer and revel in the awesomeness just as I realize there's another layer.

And sometimes it takes lots of peeling and lots of work to actually get to the core...to the source of the stink. And with every layer that gets peeled off the eyes burn more and the stink gets worse.

Yes, we could have been happy just leaving the onion whole or with any level along the way. But that would mean being okay with our individual sin...rejecting Jesus and His work in our lives.

And yes, this is hard. I have wondered so many times if we were going to make it.  There were times when I honestly thought I was going to break. Somehow I always find the strength to keep holding on and we eventually get to the other side...another layer peeled off. It feels great and we revel in it and praise God for it.

And then we realize there's another layer. Thanks to God and the people and help He's brought into our lives I think we may have actually reached the core. Our sin and the roots of it.

So that's where we are. Layers peeled off down to the core and God is working to neutralize the stink so He can build us back up sans the offensive odor that had colored and completely devoured every layer of our lives.

So, it isn't the easy slippers-and-pipe life that I always thought it was.  I always thought that if you loved each other...there wouldn't ever be problems.

But we're broken people. So our marriage is broken too. We can love each other through the brokenness because God loved us through it first. We're broken together.

Imagination Station

I really enjoy history. I especially enjoy well done movies about historical people and events. To be honest, it's not all about the facts.  I love the costumes, hair and make up as much as I enjoy the story.

I love historical movies because I really love gaining perspective into the timeline, the decision making process and the struggle that went into implementing whatever decision was made.  I enjoy learning WHY people acted the way they did and how they felt about making the particular decision they made. No matter what my previous thoughts were, I invariably end up gaining compassion for them...even if I completely disagreed with their decision.

The movie Lincoln is one of my favorites.  Going into the movie I had a cautious admiration of the man.  My husband grew up in Alabama and his education regarding Abraham Lincoln was vastly different than my own...so I had long since given up my hero worship.

It's hard for me to identify with someone like Abraham Lincoln, which makes it easy to judge him harshly.  I grew up in a culture where Honest Abe was practically a Saint.  But he wasn't.  He was a human being who agonized over his decisions...who operated in character defects that he developed as a result of his life experiences and who sometimes made questionable, or downright wrong, decisions. He wasn't sure of himself.  He had regrets. He was admittedly a fallible human being who had human being feelings, emotions and thoughts.  In many ways he was like me and I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn that.  It gives me a broader scope of imagination to draw from in dealing with people in my life.  It makes me better able and more inclined to empathize with the people that I "do life" with.

It's extremely easy to judge people for/by their decisions and make assumptions about what their intentions were and what they meant by them.  I can struggle and agonize over having to make a decision, only to judge someone else's decision as though they easily arrived at theirs because they are a jerk or are insincere.

The thing is we're all just people. I make wrong decisions sometimes, based on whatever character defect I'm operating in...everyone does...it's what we do. So if I know the sting of realizing I took the wrong path and having to face the consequences...why am I so hard on others when they do? I shouldn't be. And just because I disagree with someone else's decision doesn't mean it's wrong anyway.

God has blessed me with an amazing imagination, and by extension...the gift of empathy. I'm thankful for this gift and I intend to take the time to imagine what people are feeling and going through, and fully humanize them in my mind...so compassion for them can guide my treatment of them.

:)

Gettin' Real

It's no secret that I was pregnant when I got married (I do want to be clear, getting pregnant was not the sin, the actions that led to it are).  I'm pretty open about it.  Not because I'm proud, I am absolutely NOT proud of it.  But it's my past.  It's my story. It's my mess. It's part of the story of how God has redeemed my life from the pit.

I am saved. My sins are gone, I've been set free.

I'm still learning to live in a constant state of free-ness...I have a tendency to fall under my own condemnation. It's a work in progress! I am a work in progress.

Here's the deal though, I want to speak to those who might find themselves in a cycle of sin similar to the one I found (actually, I didn't FIND anything, I PUT myself there...let's just be honest about it) myself in. I know that the chances of this helping anyone are slim. I'm not eloquent and typically only the people who really love me even read what I write. But I want to say it because I feel lead to. So, at the very least, maybe it'll help ME to write it.

I married the only boy I ever had an intimate relationship with.  But that didn't make it okay.  I have repented of the sin I had allowed to take hold of my life.  But that didn't take away the consequences of my actions.  A large portion of our dating life, our engagement, our wedding day and even a few years of our marriage were tainted by that sin. Our life is still feeling the repercussions of that sin. All of the tenderness and sweetness that should accompany some of the major milestone moments of my life were tainted.

I can barely look at my wedding pictures.  A lot of people worked really hard to make my day special in spite of the glaringly obvious sin I had committed and the damage that I'd done to my relationship with them all. My major memory of my honeymoon is nausea from the scent of the air freshener in the car.

It took years before the full weight of what I had done hit me.  It took years for me to REALLY repent because I was so hardened by the sin I had committed. But the thing is, it wasn't something I just did one day. It was a long process of compromises and going too far.  Slowly I broke every promise I ever made to myself and opposed everything I thought I believed in.  I was unwilling to wait to receive God's blessings, so I took matters into my own hands, did it my way and I could not possibly regret it more.

If you are doing this same thing, I totally know where you are. Believe me, I get it. But please stop. Stop RIGHT now.  Tell someone.  Ask for help.  It will be hard, but it will be worth the effort. I promise. Even if you are planning to marry the person you have an inappropriate relationship with, you will regret it and all of the special moments that you should cherish, will be tainted by the memory of your actions.  God has an amazing plan for your life, do it HIS way.

The thing is, I don't want to be negative or make you think my life is awful.  Because it's absolutely not.  I've written a lot of other posts about how good God has been to me and how He has plucked me from the clutches of sin and the amazing effect it's had on my marriage. It's all because of Jesus. I am forgiven. I have been set free.  I am covered by Jesus' blood. And no matter where you are, you can be too.  Even if you did everything wrong like I did.  There's nothing the blood of Jesus won't cover.

My sin, o the bliss of the glorious tho't,
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul!

On Having a Perfect Marriage

It all started when I was an adolescent.

I started reading books about how to find the perfect husband and have the perfect marriage. Because I wanted both. I also wanted to be the perfect wife whose husband would adore me 24/7.

Since I've been married, I've read MORE books about how to have the perfect marriage. Because I didn't have one.

I read these books and implement what they say expecting that if I do I will have the perfect marriage I've always dreamed of. And then I mess up. Or he messes up. And just like that my hopes of having a perfect marriage are dashed again and I move on to the next book.

Even though in my head I've always known it would NEVER be perfect, because we're not, I go around feeling like a complete loser because we're not. I compare the dirt under the foundation of our house to everyone else's hardwood floors that they've prepped for me to see.

Books are great. Everyone should read books. Blogs are great. Everyone should read blogs. Seminars are great. Everyone should go to seminars. But we also have to remember that even if we read all the books and blogs and go to all of the seminars...we cannot perfectly implement all of the good information all of the time. The people who write the books and blogs and host the seminars don't have perfect marriages or lives.

And guess what?! It doesn't mean we've failed. It means we're human. It means we need Jesus.

It doesn't matter how much you have in common with someone, they are eventually going to get on your nerves.  And you might find out things about each other that neither one of you ever wanted any other human being to know about you. And if you truly invest in the level of intimacy that God intended for marriages to have...there will probably be conflict.

I've never been able to implement all the stuff in all the books I've read. But each book has spurred me on to love and good works. And some area of my marriage has improved because of it. And the thing is, small changes over time make a big difference.

I don't have a perfect marriage. But I do have a redeemed one. And the really awesome thing is...the only explanation for the difference is Jesus. Left to our own devices our marriage would be...well...what it was for a long time and worse. He has made all the difference.

I got this photo here.

Being the Prodigal Daughter

If you read my Love at First Sight? or Letting Go of Perfection: Work in Progress post or if you know me at all, you know that our dating life was marked by sin. And our marriage has been far from perfect.

At the time, I didn't even know how much that sin affected me.  In fact, it's taken me years to realize just how much it did.

It went on for months and the fact that I was able to do something that went against everything I had been taught and personally believed for that long a time...well, the Bible talks about what happens when you do that. But the thing is, it actually went on for longer than that. It was a gradual thing, little by little I violated my conscience more and more until ultimately, I didn't even care that I violated it in the ultimate sense.

We had a wedding. We had a honeymoon. We went through the motions. But now, it's really hard to even think back on any of that because it's so marked by sin. And those old feelings of guilt and shame are overwhelming if I dwell on it.

It's hard to pinpoint the moment that God began to redeem our lives. I'm not even sure there is a pinpoint. What I do know is that He did and He is. It's more of a process than a defining moment. I feel like the process (for me, Michael's story is his own to tell) really began about 5 years into our marriage when I started a series of "Give ups".  I realized that satan's life plan for me wasn't working and I was tired of trying to make it work. So I gave up. And a few years later...under different circumstances I "gave up" again. Not the same "give up"...a different, more defining one...and since then I've had another or two.

Like an artist sculpting a statue out of a large piece of rock...God has been chainsawing away at the large unwanted pieces of rock. And with each piece gone He's getting closer to the image in His head.

I know that at different points in all of this our families were wondering where this...our marriage...was going. I know they must have been afraid and frustrated and angry and embarrassed. And I'm sorry for that. I wish that others didn't have to suffer for our sin.

But I'm so glad that we didn't give up. I'm so glad that God didn't give up. I'm so glad that we stuck around long enough to enjoy the fruit of not giving up. To see the good in not giving up. Because while I would NEVER want to leave anyone with the impression that we are (or think we are) perfect or without flaws or struggles on a daily basis...we're not, we don't and we do...things are good. Even in the moments of struggle we can see God's grace in our lives. In honest and raw conversations that end in calmness and prayer instead of physical violence. In trust in God to see us through instead of blame and isolation. In compassion and forgiveness instead of condemnation and pride at the discovery of sin. In the reduction in the amount of time required to bounce back from a disagreement. He's here.

Those years were hard. I wouldn't recommend them to anyone. But they've made me thankful. I feel like I have some sense of how the Prodigal Son must have felt when he came home. Humbled, surprised and overwhelmingly thankful for God's grace!

How GREAT is our God?!

Letting Go of Perfection: Work in Progress

Love is nothing like what I thought it was.  It's not Holly Golightly and Paul Varjak kissing in the rain.  It's not happily ever after.  It's not fireplaces and slippers and pipes and endless ecstasy.

It's work.

It's hard, gut wrenching work.

Being human is not what I thought it was either (which is probably the reason love isn't what I thought it was).

Before struggling with my own sin and witnessing Michael's struggle, I had never witnessed anyone truly struggle with sin.  Well, I say that, but it's not entirely true.  I did see people struggle with sin but I got the impression that they were somehow "less than"...I always got the impression that anyone who struggled with sin wanted to sin.  None of the "good" people that I knew struggled with sin, or at least I didn't know about it.  I was very judgmental.

In my mind, there was a list of behaviors that were sins and if I could avoid things like dancing or drinking alcohol or dressing immodestly...and make it to church every Sunday...that my life was basically free from sin and I would be "saved".

So when I became old enough to know I was a sinner, for a while I felt like I was okay because I checked off the items on the checklist...but eventually things started going wrong.

I couldn't really understand why I struggled so much on a daily basis...it seemed like everyone else had it all together but I struggle so badly...every day. I just kept thinking that if I could just "get it together" that things would be fine. And as I watched Michael struggle, I was just as judgmental of him as I was of everyone else...and myself.

I kept holding myself and my marriage up to the seemingly perfect models that I saw at church and on TV.

I held onto my images of perfection for a long time. I probably would have told you that I let go...but I hadn't.  It seems like God has been working really hard on me for the past couple of years. I spent the last  year or two literally going through the grieving process as I came to terms with reality.

Because I WANTED to be the perfect Christian girl that everyone looks up to and tries to be like. I WANTED to have a marriage that is admired and sought after my all. I wanted what I thought almost all of the christians I knew had.

But I finally let go. It's for real. I'm not perfect, and I'm never going to be. I struggle with gluttony and self discipline on a continual basis. Michael is not perfect and he's never going to be. My marriage is not perfect and it's never going to be.

But you know what? I'm growing. And even in it's brokenness, marriage is good! God has developed a level of compassion that I never knew was possible.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave the wrong impression...as i said before, I'm not perfect...do I still judge sometimes? Yes. But compassion is becoming more and more of a trend in my life. Instead of seeing the sin, I see the struggle. Because I KNOW what the struggle looks like. I know what it feels like. And my heart hurts for anyone in the midst of it.

God's grace truly is amazing! It continually cleanses us from all unrighteousness. And I need that, continually.

It's like I'm a big, ugly, hard, dirty and formless piece of rock. I know I'm hideous and need to change, but all I can manage is to roll around in the dirt on my own. But slowly God chisels this ugly piece of rock. And every once in a while I see what He's done and I am overwhelmed with His goodness and awesomeness. God is working and His grace covers me! And His grace is truly amazing and sufficient!

Love At First Sight?

I remember the night I met Michael with perfect clarity. I'm not sure I could tell you what I was wearing, but I recall the moment I saw him and the warmth that took over my gut with perfect vividness. Over the next few months of getting to know him (long distance since I lived in West Texas and he lived in Alabama), the more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. I had never liked another human being as much as I liked him.  I had never felt as at home with anyone or felt as safe with anyone as I did with him.

So fast forward 15 and 1/2 years.  

I've never been a believer in love at first sight.  And I'm not saying that's what happened, but as I look over the last 15 and 1/2 years I am convinced that God was working. 

Which is kind of a light bulb, because for a long time I honestly thought that we were a mistake.  I thought that we had made such horrible mistakes that God was going to just leave us to wallow in our depravity. 

Our dating life was marked by sin. We lacked self control, we put ourselves in situations that were less than ideal.  Each of us brought our own set of baggage and sin that exacerbated the others areas of struggle.  We were literally a mess.  And neither of us told anyone. We just pretended that everything was fine.  We hid our sin.  

I broke up with him seven times.  But every time we broke up, he would call me and I would see an inkling of that amazing friendship we had in the beginning and we would "get back together"...only to repeat the same mistakes and sins.  It was so unhealthy.  And now looking back, it was even more unhealthy than we even knew or acknowledged at the time. 

Anyway, we got married after I became pregnant.  

We went through premarital (which ended up being post marital too because we took so long going through the material) counseling.  I'm not going to say it didn't help at all but it certainly did not address the issues we were facing.  Probably mostly because we were never really honest.  

Things escalated as we had baby after baby.  We spent money we didn't have, went through long periods of unemployment, and resorted to physical violence (with each other, not our kids).  My house was a disgusting physical manifestation of the things that were going on in the inside of me.  

At different points we made attempts to ask for help.  But we were never willing to be honest. We went to one marriage counseling session, we both bawled our eyes out telling the counselor what was going on and he handed us a book on communication and told us he wouldn't need to see us again.  We left SO INCREDIBLY frustrated. 

A major turning point came for us when we met with another counselor. We were more honest than we'd ever been and he helped us more than we'd been helped so far.

I wouldn't say there was a 180 degree change...more like the fork in the road that led to a better place.

The thing is, we both felt this incessant instinct to hold on...to keep showing up...even when things were at their worst and divorce seemed like a very real option.  

Over the next few years opportunities arose that allowed us to relieve some of the pressure sources to our marriage.

About 3 years ago God started (I say 'started' but I feel sure it probably started way before this) something amazing inside of me...and for the first time in my entire life I had a REAL relationship with Him...I became sure of my salvation. He has been teaching me some amazing things about forgiveness...how to give it and how to receive it.  

Is this where I tell you we lived happily ever after?

No.  Absolutely not.  

If you were a fly on the wall of our house, you would not see Cinderella and Prince Charming living happily ever after...you would see two people who struggle with sin...two people who snap at each other when they are frustrated (or just sitting on the couch on a normal day under normal circumstances) who very often make bad decisions...and who sometimes fight over really stupid things. 

But you will see two people who love God and who are daily in need of His grace.  

As I reflect on all of this, I no longer believe that we are a mistake.  I believe that God had/has a plan.  I'm not going to presume to say what that is...maybe He's using each of us to beat the other one into submission! :) I don't know.  But I see His work (He's done some really cool things just in the last month) and I can't help but praise Him! Because as amazing as what He's already done is, I bet in another few years I'll look back and be even more amazed by what He's done! 

So why do I feel the need to share this? First of all and most importantly, I want to boast in Jesus Christ! He is awesome! Also, I want anyone who is struggling in their marriage or any other area of their life, to know that they are not alone. You don't have to keep it to yourself.  Don't keep it to yourself! We are all sinners. Find a safe person and let them help you through it! 

You are loved.  

Here's My Sign

Several times lately I've seen presentations where a group of sinners who've been saved by God's grace express the change that God has made in their lives with a sign. On one side they put some representation of their old self and on the other they express how Jesus changed them. You know...kind of like a before and after picture.

Well, after witnessing this I started to wonder what MY before/after sign would look like.

Well, honestly, I think I'd need WAY more than ONE sign...because I am very much a "chief of sinners". But for the sake of transparency and my desire to share with you the awesome power of God...here's my sign(s)...

If you're too disgusted to keep reading, please don't stop there...because the disgustingness of THAT makes the gloriousness of the NEXT part even more amazing...

I have been washed in the blood of Jesus and I am saved by the grace of God.

I am forever changed by the love of Jesus. I am not what I once was. Not because I'm "good" now, but because HE is ALWAYS good...and by His power and through His Spirit I am changed.

My cup runneth over.