For a variety of reasons, I struggle to accept my place in the world sometimes. I struggle to accept the limitations of my gender, financial situation and the family patterns that I was born into.
The other day I was reading the Psalms and noticed the inscription above the one I was reading said that it was written by the sons of Korah. I know the story of Korah but I went back to Numbers 16 to refresh my memory.
I was convicted by my lack of contentment as a woman within the body of Christ. Even though I live in a time and place where women have way more freedoms than they've ever had, I am not content with that. I assign motives and feelings to God, and resent the required submission and silence - instead of accepting my spiritual birth order and flourishing in my role.
When I think of all the people through out history who have had way less freedom within their life circumstances, I wonder how they could have found the courage to be content.
Our world preaches that we can all change our circumstances if we just work hard enough, but at what cost? Is changing my circumstances really what God wants for me? Is that the good that's He's working in my life?
I don't have all those answers. I'm not saying I should never work hard or change my circumstance. But if I'm too tired to focus on Jesus, maybe the hustling is out of line. If the changed circumstance becomes what I'm focused on instead of Jesus, then maybe it isn't God's plan for me. If the circumstance I am trying to change requires what I know about God to conform to the change, instead of the change conforming to His will . . . then maybe the hustling to change my circumstance is amiss.
Maybe the problem is not my circumstance. Maybe the problem is how I see my circumstance. Maybe the solution isn't hustle. Maybe the solution is contentment . . . surrender.
