11 years ago, I got a job as a file clerk in an office. All I had to do was know my A, B, C’s and place the files accordingly. Walking in every day became a process of tensing every muscle in my body, bracing myself for the sound of my name. For an angry voice to tell me I had done something wrong. I felt terrified because I thought I was too dumb to hold a job. A job that a 5-year-old could likely do...I thought it was too much for me.
There are so many versions of myself that would be flabbergasted that I have completed my Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy degree.
I remember telling people that I was going to be a marriage counselor when I was 16, but 16-year-old me and every version of myself between now and then weren’t ready to do the work.
One of my very favorite people recorded in scripture is Abraham. What I really love is the beautiful way God fathers him. God takes him from a man who could barely take a step in congruence with God’s instructions to someone who trusted God so much that, when God told him to sacrifice his son, he didn’t just declare his faithfulness; he walked it.
I would never compare myself to Abraham, but I feel like God has walked with me in a similar way. He has fathered me in a beautiful way. It feels like I’m experiencing a real-life Bible story. He took me from a girl who was broken, believed she couldn’t be loved, was suicidal, and couldn’t tell the truth to save her life... to a girl who is broken but healing by God’s grace, is grateful to be alive, and radically tells the truth. From a girl who couldn’t stick to anything, to maintaining an A average over 6 years of school, and being happily married for almost 25 years.
I don’t tell you this to brag; I want to communicate what a miracle this feels like to me.
This isn’t a happily-ever-after story. Life doesn’t work like that. This is like one of those vista points where you stop to look back over where you’ve been, then keep going because there is more to do. “He who began a new work in me will bring it to completion . . . “
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