Date Week!

So as I mentioned before, our kiddos (all five!!) will be at their grandparents for a week or so in the very near future.  I'm very excited, although I know I'll miss them tremendously!

I'm planning to strip, sand and stain our hardwood floors in the living room.  GOODBYE CARPET!!!  I'm very excited about THAT.  I abhore carpet because of all the nastiness you can't get out!! And with five little monkeys it's hard to keep clean even with my awesome Dyson vacuum cleaner!

So Michael will have several days where he is off work and we're gonna be ALL ALONE and I'm looking for fun things to do together...fun and cheap date night ideas.

You got any???

Our Popcorn Maker

In an effort to reduce the amount of packaged and processed foods my family consumes, we got rid of our microwave a year and a half ago.  It's been fun and interesting figuring out ways to do without it.  BUT it has also aided us in our goal.

One of the things that we used our microwave for most often was popcorn. My sweet MIL gave me this popcorn maker.from Williams-Sonoma.  And let me tell you, the popcorn it makes is so much better than that ol' microwave stuff! It's not really any harder to use either!  Cleaning it is a simple and easy process. 

My kids love it and IT WORKS FOR ME!

Gratituesday!

There are so many things to be thankful for! I am blessed far beyond what I need or deserve.

In a couple of weeks, Michael and I will be meeting his parents in Pheonix, AZ where we will herd our little brood into THEIR car and drive away.  I will miss them, but they will have so much fun and I will get so much done that it will be a very good thing.

People keep remarking that I won't know what to do with myself.  Well let me tell you, I have a list a mile long.

Today I am thankful for grandparents, mine and my kids. And for the leisurely (if you call stripping and refinishing hardwood floors leisurely) week I will spend while my children enjoy their grandparents!

Promises

"If you continue in my word, then are you my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free" John 8:31,32

I guess that's my answer.

Continue in His word.

Be His disciple.

Know the truth.

Be set free.

Sounds like a plan!

You Want the Truth?!

I don't know about you but I struggle a lot with 'truth'.

There are so many people around me who seem so sure about what 'the Truth' is. I have no such confidence.

I know what I was raised to believe concerning spiritual issues, but I honestly can't say for sure that that is truth. Some things I know aren't at all.

I'm not talking about questioning the existence of God (been there, done that), I'm talking about the implementation of our worship of Him. I'm talking about what that worship looks like. Not only what most people call 'church' but every day communion with God.

Fear has played a large role in my own personal quest. I've seen others figuratively drug behind a moving truck because of how they believe they should worship God. Basically excommunicated because of their bodily stance during a public prayer. Families ripped apart, once revered men made a laughing stock.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid to know 'the truth'. If my beliefs don't align with those of my family and their friends, I will basically have to walk away from almost everyone I know. There is no middle ground where I am.

I don't know if I'm ready. I want to be. I desperately want to be.

The Lord is My Shepherd

I've started to type this a few dozen times.

I was pregnant when I got married. I know that probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but to me and my family, and to Michael and his family, it was a big deal.

I was raised to look down on people who made big mistakes like mine. I am the daughter of a preacher. One who likes his reputation intact.

I was basically a leader among the young people in my church.

I let everyone down. People believed in me and I let them down. My parents, Michael's parents, our siblings and all the people who counted on me to be the strong one. I let them down.

I've lived in the shadow of my sin ever since then. I gained weight as a subconscious way to announce to everyone that I know I suck. I'm not worth taking care of. My life ever since then has lived up to the standard of letting everyone down.

King David let everyone down. His baby died and then he got up and lived his life. Why can't I?

A Year of Unemployment

We missed the one year of unemployment mark by about one week. Michael started his new position this past Monday. Praise the LORD!!!

It's been a difficult year. Emotionally, spiritually and in pretty much every area of life.

I received an email a few days ago praising us for remaining strong throughout the process.

Well let me tell you. I did not remain strong. My heart and mind were full of worry, anxiousness, doubt and sometimes even resentment.

It was an extremely lonely time. I withdrew from a lot of people because I grew weary of being asked what Michael was doing to find a job. Or if I was going to get a job. People withdrew from us as well. I don't really know why that is, but it is true.

I am so thankful for this job, my gratitude is beyond anything I could ever describe to you.

I've learned a lot through all of this. Mostly, that I am not strong. And that my motivation for doing things is my own fear of failure. And that that doesn't get me very far.

God is Everywhere

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. ~Proverb

The people who live in a golden age usually go around complaining how yellow everything looks. ~Randall Jarrell

It is no use to grumble and complain;
It's just as cheap and easy to rejoice;
When God sorts out the weather and sends rain -
Why, rain's my choice.
~James Whitcomb Riley

Why is it that when we don't have a job we get depressed and want one, but when God blesses us with one, we complain about the same job we were so desperate for? Or we long for children but then complain about having to take care of them?

I have a renewed zeal to refrain from complaining. Thankfulness is the order of the day. My kids can hear me complain about having to take care of them, how could I ever subject them to that?

It seems with social networking sites we have a new, almost anonymous voice with which to air our complaints. Here's the thing - God is on Facebook, and I'm pretty sure He still wants us to rejoice, think on good things and "do all things without complaining or arguing" even in cyberspace.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (emphasis mine)

Truth or Lies?

Isn't it disappointing when you find out that something you really loved or believed in is completely fake or not what you thought it was?

It's like the time I found out that my Grandma's spaghetti is from a can. I was traumatized (at least in a welcome-to-the-real-world kind of way which isn't much on the grand scale). Her spaghetti was my favorite in the world and I was expecting, when I asked her for the recipe, to be slaving in the kitchen for hours. Instead she told me the brand of spaghetti sauce she buys. And for that very reason, I've never been able to enjoy it quite as much.

There are some things you expect to come from a can or to be full of ingredients that no human should ever consume. Like nacho cheese from a concession stand. It's okay, if you eat them you simply eat it with the understanding that you'll never know what you actually ate. But it's okay because you knew beforehand. Having it sprung on you that your Grandma isn't actually spending all her time mixing love with the ingredients of your favorite meal just for you is not okay.

That's kind of the way I feel about most things these days especially where religion and politics are concerned.

I am registered to vote. I don't vote for offices usually because I don't think I have the time or energy to dedicate any amount of time to finding out what I would need to know to make a decision between any candidates. I do vote on issues though. I can't stand to listen to talk radio. I can't stand all of the biased politically slanted hosts that think their opinion is the only one in the world and you must be an idiot to think differently. How can 100 different people with completely opposing opinions all be right? Or how can they think they are the only ones that are right?

I guess it's a part of growing up - realizing that most people think they know everything and have all the answers and realizing that I DON'T (know everything). In fact, I don't know much of anything. I find myself questioning things that I've always thought were right. I find myself realizing that the people I've always loved and respected are not who I thought they were. It's mostly easy to forgive, to realize that they are only human and I can't expect them to be more. But there are some who are so arrogant that they are more concerned with keeping their 'good ole boys' membership (by sticking to the strict code of 'what to believe' and by tearing down those who believe something differently than they do and ignoring and condoning each others sin) than they care about seeking the truth. THAT is hard to swallow especially when you realize that someone that is supposed to love you cares more about their 'good ole boys' than they do you. But again, they are only human. I've been forgiven of so much how can I even begin to think about holding their sin against them? I cannot.

Sometimes I feel so lost. I wonder how anyone can be sure of anything, how anyone can know what the truth is. I wish that Jesus would come and physically hold my hand while imparting truth to me. I long for Him. I want truth, I need it. After all, isn't that what Jesus said sets us free?

Growing Pains

As a child, right before I would have a growth spurt, I would have terrible cramps in my legs. At the time I didn't care about that, all I cared about was the pain. I couldn't see past the pain.

However, I was always happy to find that my clothes were a few inches shorter, or I could reach something that I couldn't before.

I'm having growing pains again. The spiritual kind. At least I pray that is the case!

It hurts, it's hard and it's taking all of the strength I possess to not give up.

This time though, I am thankful - at least in the moments I'm not spiritually doubled over in pain. I pray that I have the strength to look past the pain to my Savior. To focus my eyes on Him and let Him lead my life. To glorify Him through it all.

Please, please pray for me!

Oops!

A few Sundays ago, I got myself and everyone else ready to go to church especially early. I had a few things to take care of so I rushed everyone out the door. I finished my projects on time and was calmly seated in my seat when everyone else started to arrive.

As I began rounding up the kids to go and sit down to prepare for worship, I couldn't find Elisabeth.

I noticed that there was a lot of commotion coming from the entry way and decided she might be a part of it.

Sure enough, she was the cause of it.

Elisabeth is extremely flexible. Her favorite stance is the bum in the air, legs straight, peering through her legs stance. I usually laugh and think nothing of it.

This Sunday not only was she wearing a dress, but somehow she made it to church with no panties on. So she was mooning everyone, and I do mean everyone, as they walked into church.

It was a fun day.

Outward Signs of Inward Things?

I love going to plays. Something about them leaves me feeling invigorated and cultured.

Life isn't a play. Spirituality isn't a well versed monologue. We are called to be holy. Actually BE holy. Not to convince everyone we are holy. BE holy.

It is so much easier, though, to tell someone that we love Jesus than it is to show them. But if 90% of communication is done non verbally what merit does telling someone we love Jesus have if our lives are in complete contrast to His?

This principle is true of marriage and most things in life.

When I was a young girl, I found a card that a man I know had given his wife. It said things like "I love you more now than I ever have before". I was sickened. You see I spent a lot of time with them and witnessed repeatedly and constantly the disrespect and verbal abuse the couple exchanged on a regular basis. But every year on their anniversary they exchanged cards saying things similar to the above quote. And in public they presented themselves as a united, close couple. It was disturbing.

Pretending to be or convincing everyone that we are who we want to be doesn't cut it. Actions do speak louder than words. But actions don't have any value if we aren't doing them for the right reasons.

It's time to stop acting. WHY not actually work on loving GOD and loving others? I'll be much more convincing if it's who I am than just a facade to convince you I am.

2 Rooms down, 5 More To Go!

I finished all of the laundry room and kitchen chores and I'm pooped! They weren't really bad to start with but I just wanted to really get in there and deep clean everything. And I had a lot of reorganization to do as well. Here's a little mini tour of my house, the rest will come as I get it done! I'm just gonna warn you, the lighting is bad. We've switched over to the more economical light bulbs and they don't produce good picture quality! I apologize! Oh and just for the record, I'm not expecting company any time soon.

Gratituesday!

My house FEELS cleaner! I finished most of the laundry room and kitchen chores today.

Reorganizing the cabinets, getting rid of the hutch altogether and moving everything around was a much bigger chore than I first thought. It took most of the day, but it feels so stinkin' good to have it done.

I don't have a lot of storage in my kitchen. So when my sweet aunt was redoing her kitchen, she gave me some of her old cabinets. Which Michael and his dad were kind enough to put up for me, LAST DECEMBER!

Although I had been using them, I wasn't maximizing their potential. So today, I worked on deciding what would go where, washed out all of my cabinets and then restocked them accordingly. Tomorrow I'll finish up in the kitchen and laundry room. It feels so good to get all of this done.

I am so thankful for the extra space and for all of the lovely people who made it possible!!!

Birthdays and Parades and Camping

The princess was feeling a little under the weather today. I'm posting this as proof that she does in fact be still from time to time.

Daddy and babies getting ready to go swimming.

Nathaniel racing on his big wheel.
The kids having a bike parade.

Lis zooming along on her trike.

Camping at Hull Creek

Born on the fourth of July:

Good Books

I love to read.

I don't do it often because when I get consumed in a book it's very difficult to put it down and then things around my house go awry.

Most of what I read is self help, spiritual topics.

I'm currently rereading the Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers. They are so good. I can't imagine the amount of research she must have done to make them so realistic.

The first time I read the series I had a hard time getting started with A Voice in the Wind. It took me two years to get through the first chapter, but once I did I couldn't put it down. I've heard from a lot of others that they had the same experience. This is my second time rereading them and they are even better this time around! Francine Rivers is amazing!

If you haven't read them they are set in the first century during and right after the destruction of Jerusalem. A girl named Hadassah is saved by a Roman soldier and sold as a slave to a Roman family to work as a young girls maid. It goes through the hardships she faces as a Christian in the first century. It also tells the story of a German captive named Atretes. He is a successful gladiator hoping to eventually earn his freedom.

If you haven't read them, you definitely should!

Love

Sometimes I have something that I want to say but it just doesn't seem to come out the right way.

A lot of things have been bothering me lately.

One of those things is the apparent lack of love displayed in the body of Christ and even in physical families. It seems like we have a checklist of things that make us feel like good people and as long as we have it checked off, we feel pretty good about ourselves. We may treat our husbands and children with impatience and rudeness, but hey! we were at church three times this week. Or we may gossip about everyone there but at least we sang the loudest or gave the most in the offering.

The apostle Paul says that none of that even matters if we don't have love.

John says that if we don't love our brothers and sisters that we don't know God and he does not dwell in us. He also tells us to not love in word or tongue but in deed and truth.

It's not enough to just tell others that we love them. Actions speak louder than words. We must show them. Paul gives us a very clear definition of exactly what love looks like in one of the most well known passages of scripture.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Our lives must be defined by this passage.

We have to remember that our feelings are not a good indicator of what is right or true and always give one another the benefit of the doubt.

Love is not blind. It sees and loves anyway.

Schoolgirl, Hawaiian, Princess, Skate, Beachbum, Semi Potty Trained Barbie

With her favorite Prince.

The rear view.

Schoolgirl, Hawaiian, Princess, Skate, Beachbum, Semi Potty Trained Barbie, in the flesh.

Gratituesday

Michael has been out of work since November.

He's been going to school now, with a couple of breaks, to be a music teacher.

During this time of unemployment times have been difficult but God always provides at the very best time. I'm constantly amazed by his constant and abundant provision.

The unemployment rates in our country are sky rocketing which means a lot more people in the applicant pool, which makes it even more difficult for each applicant to succeed in gaining employment.

Job opportunities have been scarce with few opportunities to even apply.

But this week Michael has found tons of job openings to apply for.

I am thankful. I cannot tell you what it does to a man's ego to be unable to provide for his family. Just having the prospect of employment is something to be thankful for.

Hi My Name is Hannah and...

I'm an approval addict. Pretty much anything I do is met with the thought "What will they think of me?"

I don't always act on it but the urge to is strong.

Recently I was involved in a situation where I honestly tried my hardest to resolve the problems involved. I was determined to live like Jesus would. To love like Jesus would.

I'm not saying that I didn't make mistakes or that I did everything right. But I'm human, so that's to be expected, right?

My efforts didn't succeed.

I'm still praying that God can use me to resolve this problem but I really just want it resolved, no matter who solves it, because I know that ultimately HE is in control and I just want HIS will to be done. But now comes the part where the parties who have labeled themselves as the victims, tell their story. And I find myself concerned about how my reputation will fall in everything. I'm concerned about how I will be portrayed to those I love and whose opinions of me I care about.

I have to stop myself though, because I know that ultimately no matter what anyone else thinks about me, God knows the truth. No matter what lies and misconceptions are spread about me, He knows the truth. And I am so thankful that others opinions of me don't affect HIS!

Here I am

We've been busy with wedding stuff and being sick.

All of our kids were invited to be ring bearers and flower girls in my cousins wedding. Nathaniel ended up not being able to participate because he got the stomach flu on the day of the wedding. He was very sad.

But other than that we all made it down the isle and were relatively decent, behavior wise, during the ceremony.

Yesterday while playing outside in the sprinkler, celebrating the end of the school year (finally!), Caleb ran toward me screaming bloody murder. Literally. As he passed them, Nathaniel and Lilla began screaming as loudly and as hysterically. When he approached me and turned for me to see the problem, I began to scream like the victim in a slasher movie. Which made the kids scream even louder.

After a few seconds of this incessant screaming, I began to scream my husbands name and to realize that I needed to calm down and calm the kids down because Caleb was growing more panicked by the second.

By this time Michael and my dad had come outside, as I'm sure most of the neighborhood had.

I'm screaming at the top of my lungs "It's okay, it's okay!! It's alright Caleb! Michael help!!!"

Michael couldn't figure out what the problem was so me and the kids were all running around in the front yard screaming bloody murder with my dad and Michael standing there watching us.

I eventually gained enough sense about me to show Michael the problem and ask (or scream at him) him to fix it.

This was on Caleb's shoulder...

Gratituesday

Sometimes it's nice to turn off the phones, shut down the computer and turn off the tv. The lack of noise is so peaceful and allows for good conversation.

I am so thankful for our family time. Every Friday we try to have just our little family do a group of fun activities together. Sometimes we play games, sometimes we fly kites, sometimes we bake. It doesn't really matter what we're doing. It's just lovely to be together and enjoy each others company and to remember how much we like each other.

"I don't want diamond sunbursts or marble halls. I just want you."

A while back my husband and I were asked to recite the most romantic moments of our marriage. It didn't take me long to come up with one moment but I couldn't really think of any others that I thought were truly romantic. I eventually did come up with another, more generic moment that couldn't really be confined to one moment.

We've gone on lots of dates, had many a candlelit dinner with soft music playing, we've spent time on the beach, we even had a honeymoon. All of those things were nice but I wouldn't consider them truly romantic.

The first romantic moment I thought of took place a few minutes after our second baby was born. We hadn't been able to pick out a name so he arrived and spent the next several hours of his life nameless. A while after the birth the midwives who assisted in Nathaniel's delivery put me in an herbal bath. I sat for a few moments peacefully by myself and then they brought me my baby. Michael sat on the commode next to us while we lazed about in the tub. I eventually handed Nathaniel to Michael and we sat there in the quiet and unity of the moment and decided on a name.

The second, like I said, isn't really one moment. It's a group of them.

Late at night, when the kids are asleep and we're lying in bed awaiting sleep, we get silly. Very silly. And we laugh. Loudly. Over things we would scoff at in broad daylight. Sometimes there are tears. Sometimes I beg him to stop because my tummy hurts. It's a beautiful moment. It's like we're silly teenagers again. We forget about the zillion diapers we changed that day, the dishes we washed and the bills we weren't able to pay. It's just me and the husband of my youth reveling in the joy we find in each other.

Gratituesday

I gave birth to my eldest son a little over seven years ago. Six years ago today, I gave birth to his brother, Nathaniel.

I am so thankful for my babies and for their spacing. I get a lot of comments about whether or not I believe in birth control and people asking whether I know where babies come from. My reply is always that the Lord knows what He's doing.

Today I celebrate the fact that I am a blessed Mama. He knew exactly what I needed and I am so glad that He blessed me with everyone of my babies. At exactly the right time.

Selfishness isn't All it's Cracked Up To Be

I used to be a closet feminist. Oh, I'd never have told you that, but my actions would. I'd seen dozens and dozens of movies where the loving, devoted wife gets pushed aside for the more outspoken and selfish woman (Thank you, Lifetime!) and I was convinced that being the nice, submissive wife would only land me on the curb, pregnant and broke with nowhere to go.

This actually extended itself to more than just marriage. It overflowed into every aspect of my life. I had had my share of abuse and was determined to never allow myself to be hurt again.

I lost my friends. I pushed away my sweet husband. Then I cried because I was alone.

Eventually I realized that I was the problem and not anyone else. And let me tell ya, that was a hard lesson to learn. I'm not saying that I am responsible for another's actions, only that I am responsible for my response to them.

Even since then, I've been bitten and struggled to keep myself from retreating back into my little fortress. And a few times I have allowed myself to settle there for a time. But I'm never happy when I'm there. My deepest depressions have been in periods when I'm consumed by how others have treated me, by my own feelings and feeling sorry for myself.

I'm really struggling right now. It's difficult sometimes to even talk to people. I've been burned a lot lately, but I'm holding on!

Life is at it's loveliest when I'm putting others above myself, when the majority of my thoughts are on others and how I can encourage and uplift them.

Focusing on making sure I get treated fairly is a relentless task. And the thing is, I'll never be successful at it. There will always be something to get my feelings hurt over, there will always be someone who didn't talk to me or who talked about me. We're human. We all sin. We all fall short of the glory of God. Dwelling on it will only make me miserable.

Dwelling on His grace and extending it to others is the remedy to my depression, unhappiness and loneliness. Continually preparing myself to serve others and uplift and encourage them is a God given anti-depressant.

Making My Home a Haven

I'm not a decorator. I wish I was but I'm just not. At all. I can come up with good ideas sometimes, but it's rare. I think my last one was ten years ago.

I was a preacher's kid and we moved a lot. I've lived in 25 houses and I'm only 27. So it's kind of hard for me to become attached to a house and even harder for me to feel motivated to make my house all homey, just to have to move again.

My house has no personality. The walls are bare, except for a few hand prints. I don't have pictures hanging or anything that would tell you anything about who I am. It's sad really. Some complete stranger could come and take up residence and nobody would even be able to tell the difference!

So in the coming months, my goal is to make my house more homey. To actually leave evidence of who we are on the walls. Because the only thing you could guess by looking at my walls right now is that I have kids, who don't spell, but who own markers and love to draw.

My Dragon Slayer is a Man of Many Talents

A while ago I was in a group of women. They were discussing whether or not their husbands would eat leftovers. The one who answered right before me very smugly said that her husband would eat a pot of beans for a week.

Let me tell ya, not only will my husband eat a pot of beans for a week (not that I've ever made him) but he will make them first and then eat them for a week.

Seriously, I think Michael's stomach is made of steal. He can and will eat anything.

We had been married for six months before his mom politely told me, after I mentioned making it, that he doesn't like spaghetti or macaroni and cheese. We had had each one about once a week since our wedding day and he had never said a word. Seriously, not a peep out of him.

He also has this amazing ability to make leftovers taste better than they did the first time around. Some leftovers are like that anyway, but he can work miracles!

Yeah, my husband's pretty awesome! I'm so thankful that he married me!

Making My Home a Haven With Before and After Pics

Yay! It's a beautiful day! And, as Anne Shirley says "tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it". Today is that day! This is my opportunity!

Here are this weeks Making Your Home a Haven challenges
1. Take 15 minutes to do something I've dreaded doing--the bookcase in my hallway. The hallway probably isn't the best place for a bookcase. Quite often those walking by accidentally knock a book off.2. Something I've been procrastinating about--cleaning off the desk. I forgot to take a before picture.3. A pile I need to clean up--my dresser. It's bad!

4. Spend quality time with my family--that'll be easy but I'm not sure what I'm gonna do that's out of the ordinary.

Hush Your Mouth!

This isn't the first blog I've had.

My other blog was basically a venting place. A place for me to air my frustrations and feelings, mostly negative.

But I've learned something.

Venting is not a virtue and it isn't mandatory. Most of the time it involves complaining, slander, backbiting, being a busybody or judgmental. All of which are condemned in scripture.

It is the antonym of discretion. It is definitely NOT gracious and sometimes it is very hurtful. All of those things are the opposite of the depiction of a virtuous woman.

Blogs are not the place to air our grievances. If there is a problem with a specific person or group of people, passive aggressively attacking them will not solve it. It will make the chasm wider. There is no good reason to openly or ambiguously attack someone, in person or online.

I have made a commitment to never do this again.

I guess my mother was right. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

A Sickly Citizen

Caleb, my 7 year old, has been sick for the last couple of days. He even missed school yesterday.

Last night his teacher called. She informed me that Caleb would be receiving an award at the school assembly today and to try really hard to have him there. It was so neat to see how much she cares about him and how well she has gotten to know him.

Oh and I wasn't supposed to tell him.

I was very hopeful until about 2am when he threw up all over himself and his bed. And then did it again an hour later.

I was still determined to get him there.

I waited until the last second to get him dressed and still had to change him because he was sick again. Poor guy!

But I was determined that nothing was going to keep us from getting him there, so I changed him and got everybody in the car. I loaded him up on medicine so that he would at least get through the assembly.

Caleb had no idea he was getting an award and he was ecstatic.

He was one of two students out of 90 that received the Good Citizenship award. It is given to students who display trustworthiness, respect, fairness, caring and responsibility.

My Eulogy

I love to read. I mostly like to read things that can enlighten and encourage me in my walk with Christ. One such book that I've been reading is Mastering the Seven Decisions that Determine Personal Success by Andy Andrews.

It has been life changing for me.

Sometimes I think Mr. Andrews doesn't put enough of an emphasis on God but most of what he says is still true.

Mixed in with each chapter are little exercises to drive home his points. Let me tell ya, I've actually learned a lot about myself. Some things I had to get Michael's help on, and I think those were the most enlightening to me.

One of the exercises is to write my own eulogy. It's not anything that I actually expect to be read at my funeral, so when you read it keep in mind that I'm not saying I am all of those things. They are the things I hope to become. He recommends that you type it up and carry it with you where ever you go and share it with the three most important people in your life. I'm sharing mine here since it's part of my journey.

Hannah Fancher was a woman of virtue. A woman who embodied godliness.

Michael was very definitely #1 in her life, after the Lord. She made sure he was treated like a king. The respect, admiration and submission she displayed to him are no secret to those who knew her. Michael trusted her completely with everything he had, even his checkbook. Her discretion, courage and ingenuity continually provoked our respect for Michael.

She raised, with her husband, five children who live their lives in continual service of Jesus Christ and those around them. In adulthood, her children obviously valued and sought her friendship.

Hannah exuded wisdom. She could always be counted on for wise counsel.

Everyone here has been touched by her kindness. Whether through a meal--either in her home or brought to yours--or a card received full of encouraging words at a time most needed.

This woman truly lived a selfless life.

She worked hard. She never had a secular job but you'd never know a busier woman. She worked tirelessly to show the love of Christ to those around her.

She never ceased to do good, and she always gave the credit where it was due--to our Savior.

I have to say that since I've written this, and when I read it, it inspires me and encourages me to work toward those things. It gives me something to aim at, a visual picture so I'm not just an arrow shot in the dark.

At different times in the book he has you set smaller goals that work toward this larger one. Like, what can you do in the next 48 hours to work toward this ultimate goal? It is so helpful to do that, because I'm not just going to wake up one day and be all of those things, I have to be working them now.

It really is an awesome book! It's so practical, and like I said, it has been life changing for me.

Being June Cleaver

Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking blessing me with these precious souls to train and nurture. When I was expecting the twins people would tell me that God would not give me more than I could handle.

Well, He must have more confidence in me than I do--that's all I can say.

Very often, I let myself off the hook. Allowing my feelings of inadequacy to keep me from using my talents. I am the one talent man who buried his talent. Very sad indeed.

In my search for a miracle cure, something that will suddenly make me June Cleaver, I have read many books.

But, as you might have guessed, so far I haven't found the magic Mrs. Cleaver tonic.

I have found some things that have helped me.

Flylady is a really awesome resource. I am not subscribed to the site, but I have been in the past. The emails get really overwhelming to me. However the information is still good. The whole getting-dressed-to-the-shoes thing really does work. And I feel so good going into my kitchen and being momentarily blinded by the beauty of my sink. I may have to retry it, the site looks a lot different.

Reading the blogs of other women who have a desire to glorify God through caring for their husbands, their home and children has really helped as well. It has aided me in seeing the necessity of serving my husband and nurturing my children in a biblical manner.

Reading the book of Proverbs has given me a new perspective and opened my eyes to a lot of wrong attitudes I have and has provided me with much encouragement as well.


There is so much information out there, and so much that I have left to learn. I have so much growing to do!!

Works For Me Wednesday

Last summer I traveled, with my five little monkeys, the 1600 miles to Dallas, TX to visit their grandparents. Michael couldn't go for various reasons but we decided that I would take the kids and go anyway.

I was a little nervous but felt confident that we could make it. I wanted to be as frugal as possible and remain sane until I arrived at my in-laws.

I'm not sure I succeeded in the latter, but we made it anyway.

I did a lot of planning before I left. I knew where I would stop and how far it would be before I could stop again.

I did research to find out where the cheapest gas prices were and planned to stop there. I definitely didn't want to get caught in Ludlow, Ca in need of gas. I'm sure the owners of the two gas stations within 100 miles laugh heartily each time they sucker someone into paying a dollar more for a gallon of gasoline than they would pay anywhere else in the country.

The morning we were set to leave, I got up ridiculously early and went to the store. I purchased fruits and veggies that could easily be eaten and would make very little mess. I kept the ice chest and all the food in the passenger seat, next to me, so they could be easily accessed. We didn't eat out at all on the way there.

I kept a 'shoe bag'. Every time we got into the car, I had all of the kids hand me their shoes. I placed them in the bag until it was time to get out again. I didn't want to waste time looking for everyone's shoes every time we stopped. Especially since I was sure there would be a few bathroom emergencies and being delayed would cause obvious problems.

I traveled very little at night, as I knew it would be more difficult to get help in a timely manner and we could be abandoned in the middle of nowhere overnight.

Other than a blow out on dead man's curve, everything went smoothly. We made it safely and had a marvelous time.

Although I would always rather have my Dragon Slayer along, I would do this again if I needed to. I would definitely do all of these things again, as they definitely made the trip go more smoothly.

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be...

As I sat in the stands of my cousin's high school graduation ceremony, memories of my own came flooding back. The sense of wonder and excitement. The expectation that we would be the class that everyone remembered.

I remember all of the things that I wanted to do.

Not once did I consider failure. Or not accomplishing my dreams.

But one by one the opportunities came and one by one I let them pass.

I remember feeling like I had my whole life ahead of me, that I had plenty of time.

I think back now to all of the moments I wasted, to all of the poor decisions I've made. And I can't get those back.

All of that is why I am on this journey. I may never be a children's book author or live in Chicago or New York, but I or more correctly, my Lord, can change the course of my life. I can "Trust in the Lord with all" my "heart and lean not to" my "own understanding. In all" my "ways acknowledge Him and he will make" my "paths straight."

I very much identify with Jonah when he was in the belly of the fish. The prayer he prayed is so amazing to me. Especially the line "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." I can't imagine anything, anywhere that would be worth giving up His grace. I do know that at one point or another I have made that devestating choice.

Jonah 2

From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. He said: "In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry. You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me. I said, 'I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple. 'The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD my God. "When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple. "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord." And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

The past is gone, I will no longer allow it to define my destiny. By the grace of God, I am released from the shackles of my own sin..

I will cling desperately to His grace, and with a song of thanksgiving, I will live a life of worship. I will take the next step in my journey.

Forgiveness Famine

A good portion of my life has been spent hording forgiveness. I carry it around like a bag of flour on the clearance rack during a famine. I withhold it from everyone but those I deem 'worthy' of it.

But, honestly, who deserves it? I certainly don't. So who am I to withhold it from anyone else?

The only thing that un-forgiveness leads to is misery.

So on my path to wisdom and the heart of God, I find I need to let go of my forgiveness. I need to bestow it freely and exorbitantly.

Every day I must wake up and make the decision that when my husband does something offensive, I will forgive him. Before he even asks. I commit to loving those around me, using my Savior as my Guide. I commit to forgiveness and compassion even before the offense happens, so that I will be prepared when the time comes I will react with grace and compassion.

I will no longer horde my love and forgiveness but I will give it freely. Abundantly. Until it hurts. Because no amount of pain I go through will be anything compared to the pain my Lord endured to forgive me. And He did it before I asked Him to.

Lies Satan Tells Me and the Truth that Sets Me Free

Life is not fair.
I don't deserve this.
Why is this happening to me?
It's not my fault.
I can't believe they did that to me!
If they would do this, then I would be a better person.

Have you ever wondered why some people are perpetually happy, while others are perpetually angry, depressed or bitter?

I continually struggle with my attitude. I often get burdened down by the above statements and questions.

It's so easy to pawn my faults onto someone else. To blame them for my bad attitude or lack of godly character. If it's their fault, it's their responsibility to change it, right?

If I truly want to be happy, if I truly seek God's wisdom and character, I must take responsibility. I must stop blaming others. I must stop thinking of myself at all.

Life is not about me. It is about Him.

I must diligently fix my eyes upon Jesus and "consider Him" so that I "will not grow weary and lose heart".

Without Him, my life has no meaning--sweeping the floor is just picking up dirt. But with HIM, sweeping the floor has eternal value. I am honoring my Savior with every sweep of my broom.

Life isn't fair. I don't deserve the love of my Savior. But He gives it anyway. This is happening to me because He loves me so much, that even when I rejected Him, He died for me. It isn't my fault that He took away my sins and I can't believe He did that to me, but He did. Because He died for me, to save me, I can be a better person.

Our God is truly an awesome God!

Works For Me Wednesday

I am always, always looking for an easier, and more efficient way of completing chores. Cleaning the bathtub is one! So when I discovered this method of getting my tub, white white I was so excited.

First, I fill the tub up with hot water, adding a little bleach. I then take my shower curtain down and add the liner to soak as well. I allow that to sit while I'm doing other chores. I then drain the bath tub and wipe it with a rag. And wha-la! It's a beauty!

Captains Orders: Burn the Ships!

When Hernando Cortez set foot on the Yucatan Peninsula, he knew of all the hundreds of conquerors who had failed at his task. Riches, jewels and wealth beyond measure lie ahead. All he, and his men, had to do was take it.

But taking it was no easy task. Conqueror after conqueror had set out with this goal, and died trying to achieve it.

Cortez and his men landed on the beach and immediately Cortez ordered the ships to be burned. He gave his men an ultimatum--either go home on the ships of the people they came to conquer, or they wouldn't go home at all.

Cortez succeeded.

I find ships in my heart that are in need of burning. I set out at a task, only to recant when I am criticized or meet obstacles. I have been unable to find solutions, because I am busy trying to find an escape.

The question is: What boats in my mind continue to float the excuses and limiting beliefs that are keeping me from getting what I say I want?

Criticism from others and my own limiting beliefs about myself have kept me from doing more things than I can count. I start out with enthusiasm and determination but I allow each little criticism to chisel away at my focus and eventually, I give up.

I often tell myself "you can't do that" or ask "who do you think you are?" or "if that person isn't doing that, then what makes you think YOU can do it?"

I can no longer allow my own limiting beliefs and the opinions of others to stagnate my growth. I must have a decided heart. I may not be able to accomplish much on my own, but "His strength is made perfect in my weakness". "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I am NOT good enough but my LORD is, and He is standing ready to give me the desires of my heart.

I desperately want to be a woman after God's heart. I want to instill a love and fervor for my Savior in my children.

I have a decided heart.

My ships are burning. Jesus is my goal. There is no turning back. I am at the mark. I am ready. Here I go.

Gratituesday

I love this time of year. It's so nice to be able to open up doors and windows to let in the lovely breeze. There are cool days, there are warm days and there are scorching days. And no matter what temperature it reaches outside during the day, it will eventually cool off to a very reasonable temp.

I am so thankful that in spite of the 103 degree weather we had today, that it is now in the mid 70s. It really helps in cooling costs for things to cool so much at night. That bay breeze is such a blessing!!

"But that is not all, oh no that is not all..."

Michael laid off last November. A while back his benefits expired.

About a month ago, there was a mix up and Michael didn't receive his check. Or the next one. We finally did receive them and were able to keep everything turned on. But we have been a little concerned about how we were going to deal with certain situations that have arisen.

Well, today we received 2 different checks and a Target gift card in the mail.

I am continually baffled and awed at God's goodness. I know in my heart that I don't deserve any of it, and I am so humbled that in spite of that fact he blessed us anyway.

Don't we serve an AWESOME God?

My Hallway Closet With Before and After Pics

One of my greatest goals, in the coming months, is to create a home atmosphere that will glorify my heavenly Father. I believe that I can do that by creating a home that will be a haven to my husband, children and any one who enters it.

So, with that in mind...

Closets are so easy to just close the door and forget what's in them. And that's what I've done for too long, in my hallway closet. So today I will tackle it! I'll post before and after photos this evening!