What I'm Learning About Listening

Part of being a good friend, or a safe person, is being a good listener. So as part of my desire to be a good friend and a compassionate person, I am working on being a good listener.

Listening is so much more involved than just standing in someone's vicinity while they speak. It starts way before the conversation. It starts in my heart.

Because listening, really listening requires selflessness. It requires me setting myself and my own thoughts aside and really hearing what the speaker is trying to say without my own judgements and suppositions. It is impossible to really listen and hear what someone is saying if I am inserting my own assumptions and judgements into what they are saying. Instead of hearing what they're saying I'm hearing what I think they are saying. And that's not really hearing them at all.

So here's what I'm learning about listening...

1.) Really listen. Look the speaker in the eye. It really is important. It lets them know that my focus is on them. And it reminds me where my focus should be.

2.) Really listen. Don't think about other things.

3.) Really listen. Care about the speaker more than myself. Care more about them than my own opinions and what I think about what they're saying. Reserve all judgments and analyzations for later. Listen to understand what they're saying, not to judge it.

4.) Really listen. Listen to what they're saying instead of forming my own response. I can't form an appropriate and wise response before I've really listened to what they're saying.

5.) Really listen. Respond to the mood of what they're saying with your body language. If what they're saying is happy and exciting, show a happy and exciting response with your body. If what they're saying is painful and sad, respond in that way. Basically, rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn (huh! Where have I heard that before??)

:) Did you notice a pattern? It really all just comes down to really listening. Not pretending to listen. Not making a grocery list or thinking of all the reasons the speaker is a kook and trying to form my exhortation about why what they're saying is wrong. What they're saying may be wrong...and it may need to be corrected but interrupting them to do it sends the message that I think that what they are saying is so stupid that I can't bear to listen to it a second longer, and that what I have to say is more important than what they are saying. And guess what?! Nobody deserves to be made to feel that way! I certainly say a lot of stupid things that God shouldn't have to listen to, but He does anyway.  And that amazing grace should spill out of my life and onto every person I come into contact with. Even the ones who say things I don't like.

God is good, and with Him all things are possible! Praise God for His mercy and grace!

Have you ever been misunderstood or interrupted? How did it make you feel? Have you ever misunderstood someone because you didn't listen well? Have you ever been so anxious to interject your own idea that you interrupted someone who was talking? How did they respond and how do you think they might have felt?

Proverbs 1:5
Proverbs 12:18
James 1:19
Romans 12:15

God made you wonderful! So go live out your potential!

"Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it!"

If you enjoyed this post, or benefited from it in any way, would you consider sharing it with a friend?

This, or Something Better?

I guess I've mentioned before that I've been on a big fat plateau for like 9 months now.

Not because the plan doesn't work. And when I say "the plan" I mean eat healthy in general and exercising.

The plateau is partly a result of my wacky thyroid, and partly me allowing the hard moments to steer me off course.

So I've been working with an awesome and very talented life coach to get me back on track. And let me tell you, yesterdays session was A. MAZING! She did this little exercise to help me figure out what my top 5 reasons for wanting to get to my goal weight are. When we finished she repeated it all back to me like I was saying it to myself and had me in a puddle of tears.

After the call she sent me an email that she's asked me to post all over my "world". On the fridge, on the pantry doors, on the bathroom mirror, in the car...everywhere to remind myself of what I'm doing. And at the end she included a little phrase to help me put it all into focus. This (food, or whatever momentary pleasure is getting in the way of my working toward my goals), or something better?

When I'm working toward a goal...sometimes it's hard to deny myself momentary pleasures for the hope of something better. Sometimes I think that one little thing won't matter...or I convince myself that it's not working anyway...so what's the point of denying myself?!


In those moments, it helps to remind of myself of what I'm ultimately trying to achieve and how it will feel to achieve it. To remember that God is on my side and He's working for me and in me to accomplish His dreams for me.

So, without further adieu...here's my list...

My Most Important Reasons

for Wanting to Reach my Weight Goal

·     I want to be healthy so that I can feel good and take care of my family
·     I want to be a healthy role model for my family and friends
·     I want to finish what I started
·     I want to have the confidence to pursue other dreams
·     I want to be able to help and encourage others to reach their goals
This (bag of cookies, cake batter, milk shake or whatever it is I'm craving in the moment), or something better!

I think I'll go with something better!

How about you? This, or something better? 

What's your something better? What are your reasons for wanting to reach your goals? How will it feel to achieve them? Is there something you might need to deny yourself in order to achieve them?

I Want to Ride My Bicycle

♫♪I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like♫♪

So to save us some dough...I've been riding my bike around town to perform various errands and tasks that can be done within a reasonable distance.

For most of my errands I have two route options. The first contains a fairly steep hill. The second is completely flat but out of the way. 

So typically I talk myself into taking the hill route. I think about the extra effort I'll have to put into biking up the hill and the extra calories I can burn in the process. 

So as I bike on my merry little way, I anticipate the hill. I pedal faster and get a good pace going so that when I hit the hill I'll have a good head start so the hill won't be so much work.

But the thing is, no matter how fast I pedal in anticipation of the hill, about halfway up the hill it gets hard. Every revolution of my tires is a chore. The muscles in my legs start burning like crazy and it takes all of my focus to gain even an inch of ground.

It's at this point that I start thinking about how I should have taken the longer, but much flatter route. It hurts. It's painful and I don't like it. In that moment I couldn't possibly care less about how many calories I'm burning or the benefits to my body. All I know is that it hurts, and I don't like it.

And then I reach the top. I reach the top and head down the other side. 

The pain is gone, the wind in my hair, my heart soars and I imagine that I'm flying.

And you know what? When I'm flying down that hill I am thankful that I didn't take the flatter route. And that moment of thankfulness and the utter bliss I feel in that moment informs my decision the next time I have to decide which route to take.

In life, we have choices. We can take the flat, apathetic route that takes little to no gumption to get through...or we can take a chance on the hard route that will provoke growth. 

But the thing is, no matter how much we prepare for the difficult moments, sometimes things just get hard. They get hard and we just have to keep pedaling. It hurts and it's not pleasant, but we keep going. 

And eventually we get to the top. 

Are you facing an uphill battle? Are things tough for you right now? Is it all you can do to get out of bed in the morning? 

Don't give up! You're almost to the top! Just keep pedaling! You can do it!

Let me know if there's something I can do to encourage you! Or pray for you about!

Holding Back the Floodwaters

I am always intrigued by other peoples homes. Seeing or being inside someone else's home is like a little glimpse into their souls. You can learn a lot about people just by being inside their home.

It's difficult for me not to get caught up in comparison. Not because I'm jealous of their material possessions, but because I feel so behind.

Yes, when you come into my home you can learn a lot about me, but what you learn about me is not what I want to be true.

It's like when you're paying off debt. You may no longer be that irresponsible person who created those debts, but you still have to pay them. And sometimes it feels defeating.

Our living room is half painted, the bathroom is covered in a variety of paint colors because my daughter thought the bathroom should give a preview of the paint colors in all the other rooms. I feel like my housekeeping efforts are like a rickety dam with a crack in it, barely holding back the flood waters.

If you stop by my house unannounced, it's very likely that I won't let you in because my house is a mess.

To be honest, I do see areas of growth. I do have a laundry pile, but I'm pretty sure I could get it all done in one day...which is a huge improvement upon years past.
I feel like I'm missing something. Other women who are my age and at my approximate stage of life have clean, decorated, homey homes. And I want that desperately. But I feel like I'm missing some chip in my brain that renders me incapable of that. Not because God didn't give me that "chip" but because I broke it somehow.  And I honestly have no idea how to fix it.

I know that I'm probably going to get some emails asking if I'm okay, and I am okay. I probably just need a hug. But the only person I've seen today is the FedEx man and it seemed a little out of his job description and kind of inappropriate to hug him! :)

Okay, I'm going to go reinforce the flood gates so maybe the dam won't break today. :) Pray for me?