Holding Back the Floodwaters

I am always intrigued by other peoples homes. Seeing or being inside someone else's home is like a little glimpse into their souls. You can learn a lot about people just by being inside their home.

It's difficult for me not to get caught up in comparison. Not because I'm jealous of their material possessions, but because I feel so behind.

Yes, when you come into my home you can learn a lot about me, but what you learn about me is not what I want to be true.

It's like when you're paying off debt. You may no longer be that irresponsible person who created those debts, but you still have to pay them. And sometimes it feels defeating.

Our living room is half painted, the bathroom is covered in a variety of paint colors because my daughter thought the bathroom should give a preview of the paint colors in all the other rooms. I feel like my housekeeping efforts are like a rickety dam with a crack in it, barely holding back the flood waters.

If you stop by my house unannounced, it's very likely that I won't let you in because my house is a mess.

To be honest, I do see areas of growth. I do have a laundry pile, but I'm pretty sure I could get it all done in one day...which is a huge improvement upon years past.
I feel like I'm missing something. Other women who are my age and at my approximate stage of life have clean, decorated, homey homes. And I want that desperately. But I feel like I'm missing some chip in my brain that renders me incapable of that. Not because God didn't give me that "chip" but because I broke it somehow.  And I honestly have no idea how to fix it.

I know that I'm probably going to get some emails asking if I'm okay, and I am okay. I probably just need a hug. But the only person I've seen today is the FedEx man and it seemed a little out of his job description and kind of inappropriate to hug him! :)

Okay, I'm going to go reinforce the flood gates so maybe the dam won't break today. :) Pray for me?