Changes

A few months ago, I sat in our van crying and hopeless. I was completely broken and disgusted with myself. Not only with how physically unhealthy I was, but emotionally as well. (That's me, on the far right...around this time)

Right then, I made a decision to join Weight Watchers. I had no idea when there was a meeting but I drove straight there and joined.

Since then, I've lost 87 pounds.

I can run...really run for the first time in I don't even know how long....and I have run, repeatedly.

I'm not saying that all of my problems are solved, but I do have hope. Not because I've somehow, miraculously, gained self control...I've tried a million times to lose weight...and I haven't...so I know it isn't me.  God has blessed me tremendously. There is not one ounce of credit that I can take for that 87 pounds...the glory is all His. I pray he continues to bless me.

Being lighter physically is not the only way I've been blessed. I'm finding it easier to step out of my comfort zone...partly because I spend less time worrying about what other people think of me. I'm learning that that really doesn't matter...it's what God thinks that matters.

I'm so excited to see where God takes me, what He does with my life.

It feels so good to let go, give up control and just let Him lead. Which is kind of an odd thing to say since I tend to be a control freak. A control freak that HATES being in control??? The mind reels.

Free Indeed...at last.

Here I am. Scars and all. And for the first time in my life I can sincerely say...I do what I do because I believe it's right, although I fall short on a pretty constant basis...my relationship with God is between me and Him...and others opinions of the state of my salvation doesn't affect it. God knows me, He knows my heart. He said that if I seek, I'll find. So here I am, trusting Him. Really believing Him.

I appreciate admonishment and provocation from anyone who will love me enough to give it...but my relationship with Jesus and my heavenly Father is not defined by what you think of me and I won't live in fear any longer. 

And it feels awesome.