Birthdays and Parades and Camping

The princess was feeling a little under the weather today. I'm posting this as proof that she does in fact be still from time to time.

Daddy and babies getting ready to go swimming.

Nathaniel racing on his big wheel.
The kids having a bike parade.

Lis zooming along on her trike.

Camping at Hull Creek

Born on the fourth of July:

Good Books

I love to read.

I don't do it often because when I get consumed in a book it's very difficult to put it down and then things around my house go awry.

Most of what I read is self help, spiritual topics.

I'm currently rereading the Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers. They are so good. I can't imagine the amount of research she must have done to make them so realistic.

The first time I read the series I had a hard time getting started with A Voice in the Wind. It took me two years to get through the first chapter, but once I did I couldn't put it down. I've heard from a lot of others that they had the same experience. This is my second time rereading them and they are even better this time around! Francine Rivers is amazing!

If you haven't read them they are set in the first century during and right after the destruction of Jerusalem. A girl named Hadassah is saved by a Roman soldier and sold as a slave to a Roman family to work as a young girls maid. It goes through the hardships she faces as a Christian in the first century. It also tells the story of a German captive named Atretes. He is a successful gladiator hoping to eventually earn his freedom.

If you haven't read them, you definitely should!

Love

Sometimes I have something that I want to say but it just doesn't seem to come out the right way.

A lot of things have been bothering me lately.

One of those things is the apparent lack of love displayed in the body of Christ and even in physical families. It seems like we have a checklist of things that make us feel like good people and as long as we have it checked off, we feel pretty good about ourselves. We may treat our husbands and children with impatience and rudeness, but hey! we were at church three times this week. Or we may gossip about everyone there but at least we sang the loudest or gave the most in the offering.

The apostle Paul says that none of that even matters if we don't have love.

John says that if we don't love our brothers and sisters that we don't know God and he does not dwell in us. He also tells us to not love in word or tongue but in deed and truth.

It's not enough to just tell others that we love them. Actions speak louder than words. We must show them. Paul gives us a very clear definition of exactly what love looks like in one of the most well known passages of scripture.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Our lives must be defined by this passage.

We have to remember that our feelings are not a good indicator of what is right or true and always give one another the benefit of the doubt.

Love is not blind. It sees and loves anyway.

Schoolgirl, Hawaiian, Princess, Skate, Beachbum, Semi Potty Trained Barbie

With her favorite Prince.

The rear view.

Schoolgirl, Hawaiian, Princess, Skate, Beachbum, Semi Potty Trained Barbie, in the flesh.

Gratituesday

Michael has been out of work since November.

He's been going to school now, with a couple of breaks, to be a music teacher.

During this time of unemployment times have been difficult but God always provides at the very best time. I'm constantly amazed by his constant and abundant provision.

The unemployment rates in our country are sky rocketing which means a lot more people in the applicant pool, which makes it even more difficult for each applicant to succeed in gaining employment.

Job opportunities have been scarce with few opportunities to even apply.

But this week Michael has found tons of job openings to apply for.

I am thankful. I cannot tell you what it does to a man's ego to be unable to provide for his family. Just having the prospect of employment is something to be thankful for.

Hi My Name is Hannah and...

I'm an approval addict. Pretty much anything I do is met with the thought "What will they think of me?"

I don't always act on it but the urge to is strong.

Recently I was involved in a situation where I honestly tried my hardest to resolve the problems involved. I was determined to live like Jesus would. To love like Jesus would.

I'm not saying that I didn't make mistakes or that I did everything right. But I'm human, so that's to be expected, right?

My efforts didn't succeed.

I'm still praying that God can use me to resolve this problem but I really just want it resolved, no matter who solves it, because I know that ultimately HE is in control and I just want HIS will to be done. But now comes the part where the parties who have labeled themselves as the victims, tell their story. And I find myself concerned about how my reputation will fall in everything. I'm concerned about how I will be portrayed to those I love and whose opinions of me I care about.

I have to stop myself though, because I know that ultimately no matter what anyone else thinks about me, God knows the truth. No matter what lies and misconceptions are spread about me, He knows the truth. And I am so thankful that others opinions of me don't affect HIS!

Here I am

We've been busy with wedding stuff and being sick.

All of our kids were invited to be ring bearers and flower girls in my cousins wedding. Nathaniel ended up not being able to participate because he got the stomach flu on the day of the wedding. He was very sad.

But other than that we all made it down the isle and were relatively decent, behavior wise, during the ceremony.

Yesterday while playing outside in the sprinkler, celebrating the end of the school year (finally!), Caleb ran toward me screaming bloody murder. Literally. As he passed them, Nathaniel and Lilla began screaming as loudly and as hysterically. When he approached me and turned for me to see the problem, I began to scream like the victim in a slasher movie. Which made the kids scream even louder.

After a few seconds of this incessant screaming, I began to scream my husbands name and to realize that I needed to calm down and calm the kids down because Caleb was growing more panicked by the second.

By this time Michael and my dad had come outside, as I'm sure most of the neighborhood had.

I'm screaming at the top of my lungs "It's okay, it's okay!! It's alright Caleb! Michael help!!!"

Michael couldn't figure out what the problem was so me and the kids were all running around in the front yard screaming bloody murder with my dad and Michael standing there watching us.

I eventually gained enough sense about me to show Michael the problem and ask (or scream at him) him to fix it.

This was on Caleb's shoulder...

Gratituesday

Sometimes it's nice to turn off the phones, shut down the computer and turn off the tv. The lack of noise is so peaceful and allows for good conversation.

I am so thankful for our family time. Every Friday we try to have just our little family do a group of fun activities together. Sometimes we play games, sometimes we fly kites, sometimes we bake. It doesn't really matter what we're doing. It's just lovely to be together and enjoy each others company and to remember how much we like each other.

"I don't want diamond sunbursts or marble halls. I just want you."

A while back my husband and I were asked to recite the most romantic moments of our marriage. It didn't take me long to come up with one moment but I couldn't really think of any others that I thought were truly romantic. I eventually did come up with another, more generic moment that couldn't really be confined to one moment.

We've gone on lots of dates, had many a candlelit dinner with soft music playing, we've spent time on the beach, we even had a honeymoon. All of those things were nice but I wouldn't consider them truly romantic.

The first romantic moment I thought of took place a few minutes after our second baby was born. We hadn't been able to pick out a name so he arrived and spent the next several hours of his life nameless. A while after the birth the midwives who assisted in Nathaniel's delivery put me in an herbal bath. I sat for a few moments peacefully by myself and then they brought me my baby. Michael sat on the commode next to us while we lazed about in the tub. I eventually handed Nathaniel to Michael and we sat there in the quiet and unity of the moment and decided on a name.

The second, like I said, isn't really one moment. It's a group of them.

Late at night, when the kids are asleep and we're lying in bed awaiting sleep, we get silly. Very silly. And we laugh. Loudly. Over things we would scoff at in broad daylight. Sometimes there are tears. Sometimes I beg him to stop because my tummy hurts. It's a beautiful moment. It's like we're silly teenagers again. We forget about the zillion diapers we changed that day, the dishes we washed and the bills we weren't able to pay. It's just me and the husband of my youth reveling in the joy we find in each other.

Gratituesday

I gave birth to my eldest son a little over seven years ago. Six years ago today, I gave birth to his brother, Nathaniel.

I am so thankful for my babies and for their spacing. I get a lot of comments about whether or not I believe in birth control and people asking whether I know where babies come from. My reply is always that the Lord knows what He's doing.

Today I celebrate the fact that I am a blessed Mama. He knew exactly what I needed and I am so glad that He blessed me with everyone of my babies. At exactly the right time.

Selfishness isn't All it's Cracked Up To Be

I used to be a closet feminist. Oh, I'd never have told you that, but my actions would. I'd seen dozens and dozens of movies where the loving, devoted wife gets pushed aside for the more outspoken and selfish woman (Thank you, Lifetime!) and I was convinced that being the nice, submissive wife would only land me on the curb, pregnant and broke with nowhere to go.

This actually extended itself to more than just marriage. It overflowed into every aspect of my life. I had had my share of abuse and was determined to never allow myself to be hurt again.

I lost my friends. I pushed away my sweet husband. Then I cried because I was alone.

Eventually I realized that I was the problem and not anyone else. And let me tell ya, that was a hard lesson to learn. I'm not saying that I am responsible for another's actions, only that I am responsible for my response to them.

Even since then, I've been bitten and struggled to keep myself from retreating back into my little fortress. And a few times I have allowed myself to settle there for a time. But I'm never happy when I'm there. My deepest depressions have been in periods when I'm consumed by how others have treated me, by my own feelings and feeling sorry for myself.

I'm really struggling right now. It's difficult sometimes to even talk to people. I've been burned a lot lately, but I'm holding on!

Life is at it's loveliest when I'm putting others above myself, when the majority of my thoughts are on others and how I can encourage and uplift them.

Focusing on making sure I get treated fairly is a relentless task. And the thing is, I'll never be successful at it. There will always be something to get my feelings hurt over, there will always be someone who didn't talk to me or who talked about me. We're human. We all sin. We all fall short of the glory of God. Dwelling on it will only make me miserable.

Dwelling on His grace and extending it to others is the remedy to my depression, unhappiness and loneliness. Continually preparing myself to serve others and uplift and encourage them is a God given anti-depressant.