A good portion of my life has been spent hording forgiveness. I carry it around like a bag of flour on the clearance rack during a famine. I withhold it from everyone but those I deem 'worthy' of it.
But, honestly, who deserves it? I certainly don't. So who am I to withhold it from anyone else?
The only thing that un-forgiveness leads to is misery.
So on my path to wisdom and the heart of God, I find I need to let go of my forgiveness. I need to bestow it freely and exorbitantly.
Every day I must wake up and make the decision that when my husband does something offensive, I will forgive him. Before he even asks. I commit to loving those around me, using my Savior as my Guide. I commit to forgiveness and compassion even before the offense happens, so that I will be prepared when the time comes I will react with grace and compassion.
I will no longer horde my love and forgiveness but I will give it freely. Abundantly. Until it hurts. Because no amount of pain I go through will be anything compared to the pain my Lord endured to forgive me. And He did it before I asked Him to.
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
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