Promises

"If you continue in my word, then are you my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free" John 8:31,32

I guess that's my answer.

Continue in His word.

Be His disciple.

Know the truth.

Be set free.

Sounds like a plan!

You Want the Truth?!

I don't know about you but I struggle a lot with 'truth'.

There are so many people around me who seem so sure about what 'the Truth' is. I have no such confidence.

I know what I was raised to believe concerning spiritual issues, but I honestly can't say for sure that that is truth. Some things I know aren't at all.

I'm not talking about questioning the existence of God (been there, done that), I'm talking about the implementation of our worship of Him. I'm talking about what that worship looks like. Not only what most people call 'church' but every day communion with God.

Fear has played a large role in my own personal quest. I've seen others figuratively drug behind a moving truck because of how they believe they should worship God. Basically excommunicated because of their bodily stance during a public prayer. Families ripped apart, once revered men made a laughing stock.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid to know 'the truth'. If my beliefs don't align with those of my family and their friends, I will basically have to walk away from almost everyone I know. There is no middle ground where I am.

I don't know if I'm ready. I want to be. I desperately want to be.

The Lord is My Shepherd

I've started to type this a few dozen times.

I was pregnant when I got married. I know that probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but to me and my family, and to Michael and his family, it was a big deal.

I was raised to look down on people who made big mistakes like mine. I am the daughter of a preacher. One who likes his reputation intact.

I was basically a leader among the young people in my church.

I let everyone down. People believed in me and I let them down. My parents, Michael's parents, our siblings and all the people who counted on me to be the strong one. I let them down.

I've lived in the shadow of my sin ever since then. I gained weight as a subconscious way to announce to everyone that I know I suck. I'm not worth taking care of. My life ever since then has lived up to the standard of letting everyone down.

King David let everyone down. His baby died and then he got up and lived his life. Why can't I?

A Year of Unemployment

We missed the one year of unemployment mark by about one week. Michael started his new position this past Monday. Praise the LORD!!!

It's been a difficult year. Emotionally, spiritually and in pretty much every area of life.

I received an email a few days ago praising us for remaining strong throughout the process.

Well let me tell you. I did not remain strong. My heart and mind were full of worry, anxiousness, doubt and sometimes even resentment.

It was an extremely lonely time. I withdrew from a lot of people because I grew weary of being asked what Michael was doing to find a job. Or if I was going to get a job. People withdrew from us as well. I don't really know why that is, but it is true.

I am so thankful for this job, my gratitude is beyond anything I could ever describe to you.

I've learned a lot through all of this. Mostly, that I am not strong. And that my motivation for doing things is my own fear of failure. And that that doesn't get me very far.

God is Everywhere

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. ~Proverb

The people who live in a golden age usually go around complaining how yellow everything looks. ~Randall Jarrell

It is no use to grumble and complain;
It's just as cheap and easy to rejoice;
When God sorts out the weather and sends rain -
Why, rain's my choice.
~James Whitcomb Riley

Why is it that when we don't have a job we get depressed and want one, but when God blesses us with one, we complain about the same job we were so desperate for? Or we long for children but then complain about having to take care of them?

I have a renewed zeal to refrain from complaining. Thankfulness is the order of the day. My kids can hear me complain about having to take care of them, how could I ever subject them to that?

It seems with social networking sites we have a new, almost anonymous voice with which to air our complaints. Here's the thing - God is on Facebook, and I'm pretty sure He still wants us to rejoice, think on good things and "do all things without complaining or arguing" even in cyberspace.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (emphasis mine)

Truth or Lies?

Isn't it disappointing when you find out that something you really loved or believed in is completely fake or not what you thought it was?

It's like the time I found out that my Grandma's spaghetti is from a can. I was traumatized (at least in a welcome-to-the-real-world kind of way which isn't much on the grand scale). Her spaghetti was my favorite in the world and I was expecting, when I asked her for the recipe, to be slaving in the kitchen for hours. Instead she told me the brand of spaghetti sauce she buys. And for that very reason, I've never been able to enjoy it quite as much.

There are some things you expect to come from a can or to be full of ingredients that no human should ever consume. Like nacho cheese from a concession stand. It's okay, if you eat them you simply eat it with the understanding that you'll never know what you actually ate. But it's okay because you knew beforehand. Having it sprung on you that your Grandma isn't actually spending all her time mixing love with the ingredients of your favorite meal just for you is not okay.

That's kind of the way I feel about most things these days especially where religion and politics are concerned.

I am registered to vote. I don't vote for offices usually because I don't think I have the time or energy to dedicate any amount of time to finding out what I would need to know to make a decision between any candidates. I do vote on issues though. I can't stand to listen to talk radio. I can't stand all of the biased politically slanted hosts that think their opinion is the only one in the world and you must be an idiot to think differently. How can 100 different people with completely opposing opinions all be right? Or how can they think they are the only ones that are right?

I guess it's a part of growing up - realizing that most people think they know everything and have all the answers and realizing that I DON'T (know everything). In fact, I don't know much of anything. I find myself questioning things that I've always thought were right. I find myself realizing that the people I've always loved and respected are not who I thought they were. It's mostly easy to forgive, to realize that they are only human and I can't expect them to be more. But there are some who are so arrogant that they are more concerned with keeping their 'good ole boys' membership (by sticking to the strict code of 'what to believe' and by tearing down those who believe something differently than they do and ignoring and condoning each others sin) than they care about seeking the truth. THAT is hard to swallow especially when you realize that someone that is supposed to love you cares more about their 'good ole boys' than they do you. But again, they are only human. I've been forgiven of so much how can I even begin to think about holding their sin against them? I cannot.

Sometimes I feel so lost. I wonder how anyone can be sure of anything, how anyone can know what the truth is. I wish that Jesus would come and physically hold my hand while imparting truth to me. I long for Him. I want truth, I need it. After all, isn't that what Jesus said sets us free?

Growing Pains

As a child, right before I would have a growth spurt, I would have terrible cramps in my legs. At the time I didn't care about that, all I cared about was the pain. I couldn't see past the pain.

However, I was always happy to find that my clothes were a few inches shorter, or I could reach something that I couldn't before.

I'm having growing pains again. The spiritual kind. At least I pray that is the case!

It hurts, it's hard and it's taking all of the strength I possess to not give up.

This time though, I am thankful - at least in the moments I'm not spiritually doubled over in pain. I pray that I have the strength to look past the pain to my Savior. To focus my eyes on Him and let Him lead my life. To glorify Him through it all.

Please, please pray for me!

Oops!

A few Sundays ago, I got myself and everyone else ready to go to church especially early. I had a few things to take care of so I rushed everyone out the door. I finished my projects on time and was calmly seated in my seat when everyone else started to arrive.

As I began rounding up the kids to go and sit down to prepare for worship, I couldn't find Elisabeth.

I noticed that there was a lot of commotion coming from the entry way and decided she might be a part of it.

Sure enough, she was the cause of it.

Elisabeth is extremely flexible. Her favorite stance is the bum in the air, legs straight, peering through her legs stance. I usually laugh and think nothing of it.

This Sunday not only was she wearing a dress, but somehow she made it to church with no panties on. So she was mooning everyone, and I do mean everyone, as they walked into church.

It was a fun day.

Outward Signs of Inward Things?

I love going to plays. Something about them leaves me feeling invigorated and cultured.

Life isn't a play. Spirituality isn't a well versed monologue. We are called to be holy. Actually BE holy. Not to convince everyone we are holy. BE holy.

It is so much easier, though, to tell someone that we love Jesus than it is to show them. But if 90% of communication is done non verbally what merit does telling someone we love Jesus have if our lives are in complete contrast to His?

This principle is true of marriage and most things in life.

When I was a young girl, I found a card that a man I know had given his wife. It said things like "I love you more now than I ever have before". I was sickened. You see I spent a lot of time with them and witnessed repeatedly and constantly the disrespect and verbal abuse the couple exchanged on a regular basis. But every year on their anniversary they exchanged cards saying things similar to the above quote. And in public they presented themselves as a united, close couple. It was disturbing.

Pretending to be or convincing everyone that we are who we want to be doesn't cut it. Actions do speak louder than words. But actions don't have any value if we aren't doing them for the right reasons.

It's time to stop acting. WHY not actually work on loving GOD and loving others? I'll be much more convincing if it's who I am than just a facade to convince you I am.

2 Rooms down, 5 More To Go!

I finished all of the laundry room and kitchen chores and I'm pooped! They weren't really bad to start with but I just wanted to really get in there and deep clean everything. And I had a lot of reorganization to do as well. Here's a little mini tour of my house, the rest will come as I get it done! I'm just gonna warn you, the lighting is bad. We've switched over to the more economical light bulbs and they don't produce good picture quality! I apologize! Oh and just for the record, I'm not expecting company any time soon.

Gratituesday!

My house FEELS cleaner! I finished most of the laundry room and kitchen chores today.

Reorganizing the cabinets, getting rid of the hutch altogether and moving everything around was a much bigger chore than I first thought. It took most of the day, but it feels so stinkin' good to have it done.

I don't have a lot of storage in my kitchen. So when my sweet aunt was redoing her kitchen, she gave me some of her old cabinets. Which Michael and his dad were kind enough to put up for me, LAST DECEMBER!

Although I had been using them, I wasn't maximizing their potential. So today, I worked on deciding what would go where, washed out all of my cabinets and then restocked them accordingly. Tomorrow I'll finish up in the kitchen and laundry room. It feels so good to get all of this done.

I am so thankful for the extra space and for all of the lovely people who made it possible!!!