Paying for Help

I've always been a sucker for manly men. Seriously. Not just muscles...the whole honor code...fighting for what's right...dragon slayer...who does what's right when nobody is looking...you get the idea.

I am an extremely blessed woman. I know that. I have a husband who helps in just about every area of domestic life. When I can't get something done, I always think "well I'll get it done when Michael is here to help me". And let me tell you, I can count on him to help me. He folds laundry, washes dishes, changes beds...you name, he does it. In fact, I can't think of a woman more blessed than I, whose husband helps them as much as mine does.

When Michael and I were dating someone told me, after witnessing us together, that Michael would do anything for me, that he was wrapped around my finger. I have to tell you that I didn't really believe them. I knew that he loved me...well, in my own psychotic way I did...which means I didn't believe that there was anything to love but that he did his best with what I presented to him.

It's taken me 10 years to even begin to believe them. But I can honestly say that he does. He will do anything for me, and quite frequently does.

This thought is completely baffling to me. But more than that I am angry with myself for wasting the past 10 years making him perform menial tricks to prove he loves me. I've had my dragon slayer washing dishes!

Can you imagine Indiana Jones being reduced to a housekeeper?!

And yet, in my love for manly men...I have reduced my own to a maid. I am kryptonite around his neck...I've trapped Superman inside Clark Kent.

So what do I do with this knowledge? I have to admit that I'm feeling pretty lost right now. How do I undo 10 years of damage? I'm going to spend the next few days coming up with a plan...I'll let you know what I come up with. Any advice?

Conditional Respect

One of the pitfalls that I've discovered, is the expectation that Michael has to earn my respect. He does this, this and this, and therefore doesn't deserve my respect.

This thinking is wrong on several accounts.

1. My respect toward him will encourage him to stop sinning. So by being disrespectful to him, I am discouraging him from making the changes that I want him to make. So, in essence, I am defeating the very purpose I lament.

2. When this is my mindset, it is impossible for my standards to be met. He will always have things he needs to work on, there will always be areas where he falls short. There will always be some reason why he doesn't deserve my respect. That's why respect should be unconditional. If it's not, there would never be a circumstance that would merit my respect.

3. Also, this mindset steals any ability to see the things he does that are wonderful. It blinds me and makes it next to impossible to see what he does well, and causes me to focus on the areas where he's not so great.

Respect for my husband should come from my love of God, not from my love for my husband. Even if there is absolutely NOTHING to respect my husband about, I can respect him simply because he is my husband and God has asked me to do it.

I became part of a forum for women a few years ago. It was sort of a support group, I suppose. Anyway, there were hundreds of women who participated. I joined because I thought I would receive encouragement. I left after only a few days. It was so disheartening to me that most of the women's lives were completely wrapped up in this one sin that their husbands had committed. Although it didn't encourage me, it did open my eyes. I saw myself in them and realized that I didn't have to be like that. I didn't have to base my life and love for my husband around whether or not he was feeling strong that day.

My husband is my husband. I can respect him simply on that basis. But when I make the extra effort to show him that respect, I see the tons of other reasons I have to respect him as well.

How to Train Your Dragon

Last week I took Caleb to see How to Train Your Dragon. He enjoyed it immensely.

How to Train Your Dragon is about a young Viking named Hiccup. He doesn't really fit in with his peers, because unlike all the other Vikings, he is small and bookish instead of large and boorish. He is brushed aside by his father for being different. Hiccup eventually forges a friendship with a dragon, from whom he learns about all dragons. He discovers that the dragons are misunderstood, and if treated differently, become gentle instead of the fearsome creatures the Vikings perceive them to be.

As I watched the movie, I got to thinking. It has kind of become a common plot characteristic for the parents of the main character to be either deadbeats, or just plain ignorant. Movies such as How to Train Your Dragon, The Little Mermaid, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Chicken Little all portray story lines where the parents are ignorant and overprotective, or ignorant and indifferent, and need to be taught a lesson.

While I'm sure it's true that there are a lot of ignorant parents out there, and maybe even deadbeats, I'm wondering if there are, or have been, negative repercussions from this depiction of the parent/child relationship? I mean, should be repeatedly showing our kids how great it turns out when they completely ignore us and do what they want? And reaffirming in their minds that we really don't know what's best for them?

Maybe I'm making too much of this, but being a parent, I wonder.

Proof that I married the best man ever!

Here is proof that we actually DID get something done on our date week. Between sleeping, going to movies and generally lazing about...we refinished the hardwood floor in our living room. We absolutely love it! Here's what we did.
Step One:  Marry an awesome guy. You won't regret it! (This step is optional, you can do it without being married or being married to an awesome guy, it'll just take more work)
Step Two: Pull up the carpet. This is probably the most disgusting part. I wore a nose and mouth guard to avoid the dust and particles that flew about as we SCRAPED PADDING OFF THE FLOOR. Seriously, carpet is so gross! This just solidified my abhorrence of it!

Step Three:  Scrape the thick paint off. Make sure you wear gloves!!! I actually deadened some nerves in my hand because I didn't wear gloves. And paint stripper is potent stuff!

Step Four:  Clean up scrapings and materials left behind.

Step Five:  Sanding. We rented a sander from Home Depot. The sandpaper was more expensive than the machine was. We were very careful in our use of the sandpaper and used it very sparingly. This is where marrying the best man ever comes in real handy...

Step Six:  Wipe down the floor, removing all the dust particles left behind. DON'T SKIP THIS STEP! If you do dust particles will get into the stain and lacquer.

Step Seven:  Start staining. But first you have to choose a stain. We choose a darker stain because we thought it would made some blemishes in the floor less noticeable. I also knew I didn't want anything with red in it. I think we went with an antique Oak.

Step Eight:  Apply several coats of lacquer, make it all nice an shiny!

Step Nine: Apply a buffer on all hard surfaces that will come into contact with the floor...or your floor will get scratches and dents.

Step Ten:  Move all the furniture back into the room and sit on the couch cuddled up to the guy from step one and compliment him on his handy work.

It feels so good to have done something like this to improve our house. And I love having hardwood. I clean it with my vacuum and a Swiffer wet. It does collect and show a lot of stuff, but it just shows the stuff that carpet hides....and I'd rather see it when it's there and know it's gone when I can't see it. Did you know that the average carpet is dirtier than the street? That's really gross. Especially since I haven't completely convinced my kids to not eat off of the floor!

Keep Your Tongue From Evil, Keep Your Tongue

Tonight, as I stood in line at Target my eyes wondered to the magazine rack. As I read the various headlines, I was saddened by some news of a 'celebrity breakup'. But then I have to wonder, why does anyone read these? One issue they are declaring how in love a couple is and the next they are calling one of them a monster and relating his ongoing fidelity problems. Obviously these people don't really have the scoop, so why do people keep buying and reading that stuff? Why are we so obsessed with 'celebrity gossip', after all, IT IS gossip, right?

Can we really focus our eyes on Christ while dwelling on the lives of people who have no such conviction?

I am particularly prone to gossip, and I have to admit that for a long time I bought into celebrity gossip. But in an effort to remove the encumbrances that weigh me down, I've made a commitment to remove this temptation from my life.

Celebrity gossip isn't the only area where I struggle though. It seems that any situation that arises where there is lot of "visiting" I fall prey. I say something I shouldn't, whether in participating when others start or starting a conversation that shouldn't be had myself.

It seems in groups we always look for common ground, something on which we can build a conversation. But in a group of Christ followers, THAT should be our common ground. We don't need the woman whose neckline is too low, or the man who flirts too much, or the secret Betty Sue told us or the latest baseball game...if our eyes are focused where they should be, CHRIST is our common ground...which means our ENTIRE LIVES ARE IN COMMON. Feeling we have to have something else in common is like a group of art lovers, and particularly Mona Lisa lovers, staring at the Mona Lisa and feeling the need to talk about the latest baseball game. If you are in front of the Mona Lisa, the conversation is most likely going to revolve around it...the majesty...the rarity...and would not bring to mind Betty Sue's bad breath.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with talking baseball...I'm saying that Christ is our common ground, and if a conversation topic is needed, there's no going wrong with Jesus.

Proverbs 10:19
1 Thess. 4:11
Ephesians 4:29

Date Week!

So as I mentioned before, our kiddos (all five!!) will be at their grandparents for a week or so in the very near future.  I'm very excited, although I know I'll miss them tremendously!

I'm planning to strip, sand and stain our hardwood floors in the living room.  GOODBYE CARPET!!!  I'm very excited about THAT.  I abhore carpet because of all the nastiness you can't get out!! And with five little monkeys it's hard to keep clean even with my awesome Dyson vacuum cleaner!

So Michael will have several days where he is off work and we're gonna be ALL ALONE and I'm looking for fun things to do together...fun and cheap date night ideas.

You got any???

Our Popcorn Maker

In an effort to reduce the amount of packaged and processed foods my family consumes, we got rid of our microwave a year and a half ago.  It's been fun and interesting figuring out ways to do without it.  BUT it has also aided us in our goal.

One of the things that we used our microwave for most often was popcorn. My sweet MIL gave me this popcorn maker.from Williams-Sonoma.  And let me tell you, the popcorn it makes is so much better than that ol' microwave stuff! It's not really any harder to use either!  Cleaning it is a simple and easy process. 

My kids love it and IT WORKS FOR ME!

Gratituesday!

There are so many things to be thankful for! I am blessed far beyond what I need or deserve.

In a couple of weeks, Michael and I will be meeting his parents in Pheonix, AZ where we will herd our little brood into THEIR car and drive away.  I will miss them, but they will have so much fun and I will get so much done that it will be a very good thing.

People keep remarking that I won't know what to do with myself.  Well let me tell you, I have a list a mile long.

Today I am thankful for grandparents, mine and my kids. And for the leisurely (if you call stripping and refinishing hardwood floors leisurely) week I will spend while my children enjoy their grandparents!

Promises

"If you continue in my word, then are you my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free" John 8:31,32

I guess that's my answer.

Continue in His word.

Be His disciple.

Know the truth.

Be set free.

Sounds like a plan!

You Want the Truth?!

I don't know about you but I struggle a lot with 'truth'.

There are so many people around me who seem so sure about what 'the Truth' is. I have no such confidence.

I know what I was raised to believe concerning spiritual issues, but I honestly can't say for sure that that is truth. Some things I know aren't at all.

I'm not talking about questioning the existence of God (been there, done that), I'm talking about the implementation of our worship of Him. I'm talking about what that worship looks like. Not only what most people call 'church' but every day communion with God.

Fear has played a large role in my own personal quest. I've seen others figuratively drug behind a moving truck because of how they believe they should worship God. Basically excommunicated because of their bodily stance during a public prayer. Families ripped apart, once revered men made a laughing stock.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid to know 'the truth'. If my beliefs don't align with those of my family and their friends, I will basically have to walk away from almost everyone I know. There is no middle ground where I am.

I don't know if I'm ready. I want to be. I desperately want to be.

The Lord is My Shepherd

I've started to type this a few dozen times.

I was pregnant when I got married. I know that probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but to me and my family, and to Michael and his family, it was a big deal.

I was raised to look down on people who made big mistakes like mine. I am the daughter of a preacher. One who likes his reputation intact.

I was basically a leader among the young people in my church.

I let everyone down. People believed in me and I let them down. My parents, Michael's parents, our siblings and all the people who counted on me to be the strong one. I let them down.

I've lived in the shadow of my sin ever since then. I gained weight as a subconscious way to announce to everyone that I know I suck. I'm not worth taking care of. My life ever since then has lived up to the standard of letting everyone down.

King David let everyone down. His baby died and then he got up and lived his life. Why can't I?