It felt like being compelled. Like a force greater than myself took over my body and performed actions I didn't want to take against my will.
The truth was, while I didn't want to perform the actions, I didn't seem to be able to stop them.
Changing the patterns of my own behavior has taken a lot of work, but making progress is worth the effort. Having a moment when I realize I can't remember the last time I did the unwanted behavior feels amazing.
When I am faced with a habit or behavior that I want to change, I start by asking myself some questions:
1. How do I feel right before and during the behavior? Am I tired? frustrated? overstimulated? hungry? afraid? disappointed? embarrassed?
2. When was the first time I remember performing the habit or behavior? What was I feeling? What was the context?
3. What triggered this habit the first time?
4. How can I interrupt the feelings and thoughts that lead up to the unwanted behavior? Do I need to remove myself physically from the environment? Do I need to eat something? Take a nap? Take some deep breaths? Go for a walk?
5. What need am I trying to meet by doing this habit or behavior? Am I feeling abandoned and doing this habit or behavior to get attention or to lash out at the person I feel abandoned by? Do I feel disappointed by the other person and I am trying to punish them for disappointing me? Do I feel vulnerable and I am trying to posture to hide it? Am I tired and trying to hurry other individuals to get the job done quicker so I can rest?
6. What boundaries do I need to put into place so I can interrupt the cycle of feelings, thoughts and behaviors that lead to the habit I am trying to change? Do I need to do the job alone? Do I need to set parameters for the hours I can work? Do I need to leave the room and do some deep breathing? What do you need to do in order to stop the cycle of the unwanted behavior?
Discerning the why behind the behavior empowers me to interrupt the pattern and insert new stimuli so my outcome can change.
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