What if?

I shared my story with the room, including the hurtful aftermath of words. The people in the room supportively rolled their eyes and lamented how stupid the response was. 

I felt the support. But the conversation routinely went to the careless and "stupid" words that people say in response to other people's pain.

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I moved in the periphery, scared to approach. I determined to wait to speak to the man who had lost his wife until I could do it without becoming emotional. 

I wanted to acknowledge his pain and sit with him in it, but I wanted to do it perfectly. 

Time went by, and I finally decided that I needed to go ahead and say something. I was avoiding him at this point. I couldn't speak to him about the weather if I hadn't acknowledged this terrible thing that had happened. 

So I spoke to him. I cried. We sat in silence. 

I don't know how he walked away feeling about the moment. I hope he felt supported, but I'm not sure he did. Maybe he walked away and has used what I said and our interaction as an example of the terrible things people said and did after he lost his wife.  

There are lists all over social media of all the "stupid" and "terrible" things that have been said to people in whatever situation they find themselves in. 

A complaint I often hear from people going through difficult situations is that nobody says anything at all. 

I have to wonder if there is a correlation between these two things. 

If we are judgmental of what people say, what is the likelihood they are going to get over their nerves to actually say something?

What if, in order to receive the support we long for, we have to be willing to see through the imperfect words used to provide it?

What if we assume that when people say things like, "well that's the best cancer to have" they mean "I hate that you're experiencing this but I'm also afraid to discourage you so I'm saying something that I feel is positive so you won't lose hope"?

Or, when they share their own experience, they are just trying to say, "you're not alone". 

Yes, we should all be trying to learn and grow, but we are all imperfect. We get nervous, and say dumb things. 

What if that's okay? What if we assume the best of each other and accept the words as the support they are intended to provide instead of judging the person who says them?