My Prayer for My Kids

I'm pretty sure there's nothing more painful than having to see your kids in pain. It's tough to witness the hurt and humiliation on their face after being rejected. And as a mother I want to fix it and make it go away. We all want our kids to be happy, healthy and successful. Right?!

I used to pray that my kids would have friends. I used to pray that they would be successful. I used to see a poor or even mediocre performance on a report card as a sign of my own failure (because all the studies show that if you're doing it right you have smart and socially healthy kids, right?!). I used to feel embarrassed and humiliated at church when my kids did something all the other parents were shocked by.

And to be honest, sometimes my initial reaction is still the same.

But I've stopped praying for those things. And I've stopped caring what anyone else thinks of my kids...because we're not here to receive the approval of men and we're even warned to be worried when all men speak well of us. So I've stopped praying for those things and started just praying that God would use them and their circumstances to bring glory to Himself...and that He would mold them into something beautiful for His kingdom. And if that means having to watch them be rejected, fail at school and, by earthly standards, at life and that all the other parents in the world think that me and my kids are poster children for how to get it all wrong...then I trust Him...and I want Him to do whatever it takes.

Because my treasure is in Heaven, and that's exactly where I want my children!

Face it, Own it, Learn What You Can and Start Fresh!

The first time, after I began going to Weight Watchers, that I stepped on the scale to see a gain I was crushed.

The week before I had reached the 40 pound mark and had finally decided to try working out.  Being a fan of the Biggest Loser and hearing other people talk about Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred, I decided to give it a try.

If you've never tried one of Jillian's workout videos...they're tough! Especially for a girl over a hundred pounds overweight.

Every day that week I talked myself into doing the twenty minute workout and I was so excited to see what the scale held in store for me that week!

Well, I stepped on the scale to see a 3 pound GAIN. I admit it...I cried. I cried the ugly cry at the Weight Watchers.

Since then I've had many a gain. Some deserved, and some not. But every gain has taught me something...whether deserved or not.

Some taught me that I'm really not that good at guestimating, some taught me that I really do need to get up off my butt and workout and sometimes you just have to keep on keeping on until the number on the scale gets with the program.

 
I think the most valuable lesson I've learned is in being faithful. Showing up even when it's tough and I have a million excuses to stay home. Rain, shine, loss or gain, every week I show up to face that scale.  I get on that scale, accept the number, own the actions that put it there, learn what I can, let go of the rest and I step off with a clean slate.

Did you make a resolution that you're struggling to keep? Already resigned to failure?! Don't give up! Face it, own it, learn what you can, let it go and start fresh!!! You can do it!!

An Unsure End

This morning on our way to our favorite donut shop I got a brilliant idea!

We pulled up to the shop, I handed Caleb money to pay for the donuts and I sent my five wild indians into the donut shop. Alone. Without me.

I sat in the car...in complete peace and quiet and enjoyed my time immensely...only slightly holding my breath about what the outcome of this "brilliant idea" would be...because "what do you get when you send five wild indians into a donut shop?" sounds like a bad joke that I'd rather not know the punchline to.

A few months ago I read an article about over parenting and was really startled by how much I recognized myself in it. Cause, see, I'm a controller and that tends to make me a 'no' mom because saying yes might lead to a situation I can't control and that's really scary for me.

When I was Caleb's age I was riding my bike all over town running bank and grocery errands for my parents. And while I know that times have changed since then and we probably should be more careful, my over parenting seriously stunts my children's growth in maturity and creativity.

So, I've started weighing whether my inclination to say no is a real concern for their safety or for my own comfort.   And honestly, I have seen them blossom in the last few months. They've made friends, spent more time outside and been more creative. And that really makes me want to give them freedom...because kids need that! And guess what?! I need that too! It's pretty silly how much stress I heap upon myself needlessly!

photo courtesy of Alisha Hurt PHotography

So out of the donut shop they came...with the owner following them. And I'm thinking "oh no! What did they do?!?!"

I opened the car door and stepped out expecting the owner to reprimand me for sending them in alone.

Instead she smiled and told me they were the most well behaved kids she'd ever had in her shop AND she had given them donut holes as a reward for being so good. Ashamedly, I was shocked.

The kids handed me their change and filed into the car full of a sense of accomplishment.  The told me all about their donut shop experience while I silently thanked God for His goodness and felt the slight tinge of conviction for not having more faith in God and in my children.

It was a good day!

Warning! You Get What You Pay For and this Blog Costs You Nothing But Time! :)

It's kind of a cliche to make resolutions this time of year. It's also kind of a cliche for those resolutions to be short lived.

I've honestly never been one to make New Year's resolutions, but I have made a lot of resolutions at varying times of the year...most of which have failed.

But I'll be honest, I've come to love failure almost as much as I love success. Sure, it doesn't feel good to fail...at least not in the moment...and if people are watching...but every time I fail I learn something. I can give you a 101 ways NOT to lose weight (which, let's face it...they really ALL boil down to ONE way)...but it took me failing all of those times to figure out how to do it right.

Here's the thing, I didn't just wake up one morning with the will power to not eat all the donuts in the house. I woke up one morning depressed and feeling hopeless and in that depression and hopelessness I cried out to God and confessed that I couldn't do it on my own and that I need him.

So for what it's worth (and I warned you in the beginning that I don't know anything about anything and this is not a blog you'll be learning much from) here's my two cents on how go about goal/resolution setting:

1.  Seek God's kingdom FIRST. Get our priorities straight...making sure we're setting goals for God's glory and not our own.

2.  Pray. And pray often. Every. Single. Time. you think about your goals or something you want to change or someone you are at odds with or something you're thankful for. Basically, pray without ceasing. (See??? No new information here...I warned you!!!) If it concerns you, pray about it.

3.  Set aside a time of reflection and planning. Go somewhere quiet, wait until your kids are asleep or you can sneak away for a few minutes...relax, treat yourself, pray and set your goals. Think about where you want to be a year from now...and then ask yourself what you can do this week to move toward those goals and set some goals for this week. And then each night before you go to sleep...pray and then think about what you can do the next day to meet your weekly goals.

4.  Be thankful. When even the smallest of goals is achieved thank God. Recognize His power and work in your life and thank Him.

On that note, here are the goals I've set for myself this year:

Personal (I include my spiritual goals in this category)

• get up and have quiet time first thing in the morning
• get to goal weight
• create a functional/fashionable wardrobe 
• avoid self pity--have a positive/joyful attitude specifically about Michael's time away from home
• develop closer friendships
• develop more effective routines for homekeeping
• learn about and implement gardening/canning
• set up specific "work time"/be more intentional about blogging/developing skills/learning
• go visiting once a week
• Get house "hospitality ready"
• work on being more "faithful"

Family

• Be more consistent with "Bible Bedtime"
• pay off debt
• watch less tv
• find ways to serve neighbors/community
• be more intentional about family prayer times
• be more consistent with family Bible reading together
• Utilize a bulletin board for prayer lists/calendar/Fancher Central
• More physical activity together

Mothering

•  more consistent with routines
• organize/decorate kids rooms so they're easier to keep clean
• less yelling and more patience, joy and fun
• provide more opportunities for creativity
• be more intentional about prayer for kids
• be more intentional in relationship building/"quality time"
• be more "faithful" or dependable

Marriage

• dates once a week
• be more intentional about expressing appreciation and respect
• be more joyful and complain less

Do you have any goals for this year? I'd love to hear them!!

Tough Times Call For Tough Decisions

I was born in a little "Indian" clinic in Cuba, New Mexico--a little town about 80 miles northwest of Albuquerque. We didn't actually live in Cuba. In fact, we didn't live in any town at all. We lived in the (literal) middle of nowhere...they hadn't even run electric or telephone lines and we didn't have indoor plumbing. My parents moved there to do mission work.

My favorite picture of my mom (which has mysteriously disappeared) is one of her standing over a washboard scrubbing clothes...because in 1982 they didn't have electricity and thus no washing machine. They had put the washboard on the tailgate of a pick up truck so she wouldn't have to bend over her swollen belly.The best part of the picture is the enormous smile on her face.

You would have thought that a pregnant woman, living in the middle of nowhere, who didn't have the most basic luxuries (like using an indoor bathroom instead of an outhouse) that all of her friends had  would not have many reasons to smile. But she did. Because what we have and where we live does not determine who we are or our level of contentment.

Sometimes I moan and bellyache because life isn't easy or because other people's lives seem easier than mine. But you know what? It's the hard moments, the crunch times, the days where I just don't understand how I'm gonna make it through that change me the most.

When I finally buckle down and realize that I have a choice, I can approach the situation with a sense of adventure and watch as God blesses me with creativity and a learning experience...setting me up to be better prepared in the future...OR I can dig my heels in and resist every inch of the way and be just as overwhelmed the next time.

Tough decision?! Believe it or not, sometimes in the moment it IS a tough decision for me...because my flesh wants to play the victim. But when I make the decision in advance it's not a difficult decision at all and I go into the situation with a sense of adventure and creativity so the tough moments don't seem so tough.

God is good!!

Here's My Sign

Several times lately I've seen presentations where a group of sinners who've been saved by God's grace express the change that God has made in their lives with a sign. On one side they put some representation of their old self and on the other they express how Jesus changed them. You know...kind of like a before and after picture.

Well, after witnessing this I started to wonder what MY before/after sign would look like.

Well, honestly, I think I'd need WAY more than ONE sign...because I am very much a "chief of sinners". But for the sake of transparency and my desire to share with you the awesome power of God...here's my sign(s)...

If you're too disgusted to keep reading, please don't stop there...because the disgustingness of THAT makes the gloriousness of the NEXT part even more amazing...

I have been washed in the blood of Jesus and I am saved by the grace of God.

I am forever changed by the love of Jesus. I am not what I once was. Not because I'm "good" now, but because HE is ALWAYS good...and by His power and through His Spirit I am changed.

My cup runneth over.

God Revealed in Nature

My food philosophy is very closely tied into my faith in God. My philosophy basically is that God made us so He knows what's good for us. And so I try to eat things as closely to what He originally made as possible. I prefer food in it's most natural state.

This has been a process for me. When I got married and became responsible for meal planning and shopping for my family boxed mac and cheese and cereal were regular staples in my cupboards. I NEVER bought real butter...margarine is cheaper after all! I placed the value of foods on how cheap and quickly  they could be prepared and still taste yummy.

When I developed an auto immune disease around 6 years ago, I really began to change my view of food. My priorities in regard to food changed dramatically.

And then I became pregnant with twins and I was determined to carry them full term. So I put my faith in God and I did what I could with nutrition to insure a safe and healthy pregnancy. I ended up carrying them full term and delivering them at home (not on purpose!) and having a healthy 8# 4oz boy and a 6# 13oz girl. Praise God!

All of my pregnancies taught me something about God. He made our bodies and He knew what He was doing when He did it. And so obviously the things that He has provided for us to eat are what is going to make our bodies function at their best, right?

My most recent stepping stone in this process is making a commitment to buying and using only seasonal produce. Not only is it more cost effective to do this, it supports more local agriculture and it has health benefits as well! God is amazing! I mean, think of the health problems people face in the winter...colds, flu, infections of all sorts. Now think about the produce that is in season during this time...lemons, oranges, apples, pears, lettuce...all of which are rich in vitamin C, super antioxidants and fiber (which cleanse our body of bad stuff). God gave us what we need to fend off these illnesses...exactly when we need it!

For me, putting it in that light gives me purpose. (I'm not saying this is a moral issue and if this is not a priority for you, then please understand I'm not saying it necessarily should be...I understand that we all have different views and priorities!). But I love finding God in ways that I never have before. I love seeing Him while I'm grocery shopping...or while I'm preparing a meal for my family. It helps me to refocus and realize that all of this only matters because of Him, and it reminds me to be thankful because I am truly blessed!

I've Got The Itch!

I have never been a shopper. When I was in college I kind of developed an unhealthy relationship with shopping. I used it to fill my voids (along with food and promiscuity).  And up until the last couple of years, while I didn't have access to a lot of money, I spent a lot of money that I shouldn't have to comfort myself. Of course, we all know THAT drill. It's not really comforting because then you feel guilty.

For the last few years God has really curbed that appetite in me. He's taught me that nothing--not shopping, not eating, not fulfilling the desires of my flesh, not inflicting pain upon myself--NOTHING will fill the God shaped hole in my heart except HIM.

The last week or so I've really had an itch to shop.

Honestly, there are a lot of things we need (Nathaniel's tennis shoes have been duct taped closed and now the duct tape isn't holding...AKA He NEEDS shoes) but there's also a very limited budget for those things...and some of them will have to wait.

I've been struggling with contentment.

I've been focusing on the fact that all of my jackets and warm clothing are too big for me...and brushing aside the fact that I have a jacket at all. I've been focusing on the fact that other people's kids have multiple pairs of shoes instead of on the fact that my kids have shoes.

It's so funny how I kind of expect God to meet my standards. If I don't have multiple pairs of shoes, God hasn't met my need for shoes...right?! Kind of like the Israelites in the desert. They didn't have 5 pairs of shoes to choose from, but they had shoes that didn't wear out. They didn't have a big Thanksgiving feast to eat every day, but they had manna.

God never said that he would buy me a pair of new running shoes, he would give my kids the same standard of living that all their friends have, or that I would have a jacket that fits. But I have running shoes, my kids are clean, fed and happy and I have a jacket.

And at the end of the day I am truly blessed. Not being able to just go and shop away my sorrows helps me to depend on God instead of a new pair of shoes. It's helps me to remember that my treasure is not here. That my focus is not on fashion. It's on Jesus.

God is so awesome! Today I am thankful for warm clothes and shoes. And that God doesn't give me everything that I think I want, because what He has to give me is always so much infinitely better.

Granola Bars!

The desire to cut out processed/convenient foods has greatly impacted our lives. I think that most of us dread  and are turned off by the time that is involved in making things from scratch. And I'll be honest, it does require a lot of time in the kitchen...but I honestly don't think that whipping up a batch of granola bars takes any more time than running to the store to pick up a box of granola bars...and you skip all the extra junk that is in store bought granola bars!

I will say that I prefer to send a piece of fruit and in the winter when our orange tree is producing, that's pretty much our staple school snack. But I like to mix it up a little sometimes with some homemade goodness.

The thing I love about these granola bars is that I know exactly what is in them, they are sturdy--they can survive a backpack and still remain intact, and it's easy to "mix it up".

Here's what you'll need

4 1/2 cups of oats
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup honey
1/3 cup maple syrup (you could substitute brown sugar, if you prefer...use the same amount either way)
2/3 cup melted butter
2 cups total of whatever "pieces" you want to add--chocolate chips, dried fruit, nuts

Preheat your oven to 325 and prepare a 9x13 pan (butter/flour whatever you want to use to keep the bars from sticking).

Mix all of the dry ingredients together (I don't bother with a mixer...a pastry blender would work well...I use a spatula). Create a well in the dry ingredients and add the wet ingredients to the well. Mix everything together and spoon and press into your prepared pan.

Bake around 20 minutes or until the edges are a golden brown.

Let me know if you try them and tell me what you think or how you improved them!

Sometimes My Kids Set Me Straight

Last night, as we got home from church, it was late. Uriah and Elisabeth were both having meltdowns and the older kids were fussing up a storm. So I hurried them through their bedtime routines.

In a flurry of brushed teeth, clothes changed and laid out, they got into bed.

Here's where I sighed a BIG sigh of relief.

And then from the boys room I heard a voice, "Mommy, can we say a prayer?"

This is what went through my head...Yeah, jerk mom! Why didn't you ALREADY say a prayer? What kind of mom ARE YOU?!

So I got the girls out of bed and we all gathered in the boys room. And let me tell ya, a portion of that prayer was a humbled pleading for God to change me and thankfulness for the ways He already has.

On some days I think my parenting goal is simply to survive. But that's not what parenting is about. Yeah, there are rough days. But parenting is about showing them who God is. Even our imperfections can point their hearts toward Him. Because our imperfections remind us, and them, that they need a Savior and that we are not it.

So, yeah, I'm not a perfect mom. I am a deeply flawed mom depending on the grace of God to change me and to leave my children as un scarred by my imperfections as they can be.

Praise God for His mercy and grace!

With Me, It's All 'Er Nothin', Is it All 'Er Nothin' With You?

I tend to be an all or nothin' kinda girl. If I get everything on my to-do list done then I feel good and it's been a successful day, but if not, I'm depressed and feel like a failure.


Recently I was reading the creation story and I started to ponder the fact that God did what He did on certain days, then He looked at what He had done that day and was satisfied...and then left the rest for "tomorrow". He didn't do it all in one day, and presumably, He could have. And when He was done for the week, He took a day off.


I think it's pretty common for moms to feel pressured to have a clean home, clean children, a meal on the table and still have time to give our husbands some attention at the end of the day. We give ourselves so much to do every day that something has to give...whether it's going through the drive thru for dinner or being tired and grumpy with our husbands!

Until the last few months, my home was either a complete mess or spotless. For the past few months it's been varying degrees in between. It's pretty clean most of the time. And most of the time my laundry is done. But sometimes I go to bed with laundry on the laundry room floor...and while I hate it, I'm learning to tell myself "well, I guess I'll try again tomorrow!"

Let me tell ya, a few months ago if I had a streak of keeping my laundry done and then "failed" one day, I would have given up. But I've been pondering the creation story and I've come to some conclusions that have had really good repercussion in my life...

1.  Not everything has to be done in one day. God did what He did and then stood back and enjoyed the view. So, do what I can but leave enough time to enjoy the fruits of my labor with my family. Because that's the reason we do it all anyway. If we're "doing it all" but missing out on time with our kids or husband and opportunities to serve others...then what's the point?

2.  Do SOMETHING every day. Again, do what I can and when I'm done don't listen to the voices that are in my head listing all of the other things I should get done. Just shut it off until tomorrow. There are more important things in life than having every can in my pantry facing forward.

3.  Take periodic rest days. This is hard. It's so hard to take rest days. But God thought they were necessary and went to great lengths to enforce the Sabbath day with the Israelites.

I think that viewing this through the creation story has really helped me to look at God in a new way. It's baffling how each thing I learn about Him just reinforces to me how utterly good and completely amazing He is!

The thing is, everything we do is to prepare ourselves and our families to serve others and love God...keeping our homes is one way that we do that.

Countdown to Thanksgiving: Today I am thankful for laundry. I am thankful that God can (and does) take the things I struggle with and moan and groan over and uses them to change me!