Five Little Elephants Shopping at Walmart

Leading 5 kids through "the Walmarts" is like leading a herd of elephants through an English Garden.

You leave a wake. :)

Not really...but I do think it should be added to the list of spiritual disciplines...you know...prayer...Bible reading...monkey herding. :)

Just kidding...I have to say it IS fun and very interesting...especially the looks on peoples faces when they say "Are those ALL yours?" and then I tell them yes! It's like they think I exceeded the number of kids that decency dictates!

And then there are the people who just send me a knowing smile...those are the best. Knowing that they know, they've been there and they are silently saying a prayer for my sanity does wonders for my soul.

I'm not gonna kid ya...there are days when I feel like I'm gonna go crazy...there's syrup on the piano, laundry piled to the ceiling, no clean dishes, underwear or patience anywhere to be had.

Those are the days I wake up thinking I've got it all together. Those are the days I fail to feed on the Word, pour my heart out in prayer or song, or recognize that all of this is for a greater purpose, and that I have been blessed and entrusted with these precious souls to mold and lift up to bring glory to God.

By the end of THAT day, God has set me good and straight.

(And I'd like to tell you, never to think I've got it all together again...but alas, that would not be true...Praise God for his mercy and grace!)

TMI?

I don't know. You tell me.

It seems like a lot of the time when you talk about having money trouble people clam up. But I'm an "out there" kind of gal.

So since my kids are in school there's been this big debate over whether or not I should get a job. Every paycheck that comes and we can't afford something I think we need, I feel this urgency to get a job.

But then, I feel like this big loser mom. The Proverbs 31 woman made money without "going to work"...is that what I'm supposed to do? If so, I'm at a complete loss. But then I see all these moms around me doing all of these great things...making beautiful bows, dresses, cakes, etc. And it's not that I'm envious...because I honestly have no desire to do those things...but my talents are in the "hey there...good job on those bows, dresses and cakes!" arena...is there a job that doesn't require a college education or virtually ANY smarts and lets you just encourage other people?! IF so, sign me up. Cause other than that I can clean toilets. And it is with far less enthusiasm that I say "sign me up" for a job where I have to clean toilets.

So, I don't know. I guess I'll just be open to any and all (even the ones that involve cleaning toilets) possibilities and if God thinks I need a job He'll supply one. (Is it wrong to request one where no toilets are involved?)

God is good. He's always provided before...there's no reason to doubt Him now. I trust Him...and because I do...He will make my paths straight.

He's a Rebel

So, have I mentioned that my boyfriend is a dreamboat? He's a sideburn sportin', motorcycle ridin', guitar playin' man. Only he waited until ten years into our marriage to let it out...so it's not like my parents can forbid me to see him. Smart move, I'd say.

I was kind of apprehensive about the whole motorcycle thing at first. Yeah, there's the awesome gas mileage...but there's also the fact that he is so exposed to the mistakes of other drivers. There's no air bag, that's for sure!

I have to admit that the roar of that engine is kind of thrilling, though. I mean, having a hunky husband who rides a motorcycle is every girls dream...right?

He got me on it for the second time today. There was definitely a lot less screaming this time!

The whole "lean into the turn" thing is scary and against every single fiber of my being. In my world...you lean AWAY from the falling....not toward it.

And then there's the helmet hair. And helmet face...you know where the helmet leaves marks on your face and you look like a goober because the people inside Target don't know you came on a motorcycle?!

Oh well...getting to snuggle up to my very own Marlon Brando (minus the sad lifestyle) and feel the wind whipping around us (and having a plastic shield over my face so the bugs don't fly into my mouth) is such a freeing feeling. I can totally understand the appeal of being a motorcycle mama...which I am...at least in the sense that I'm a mama AND I sometimes ride on the back of a motorcycle...although I'm fairly certain that a motorcycle mama is a concept I don't completely get.

My Random and Shabby Attempt at Poetry

Nothing to boast of,
No thing can I tell,
no work I've accomplished
could save me from hell.

No condemnation,
how can it be?
there's no condemnation
from sin I am free!

Washed in the water
the blood is applied
Trust in my Father
steps He will guide.

I am not a poet, and I know it. But there you go!

I hope you have an awesome day!

Adventures in Walking

The evening air permeated with peace and joy. Evenings in Central California are the best evenings anywhere. After a long, hot, sunny day a cool, bay breeze ushers in a glorious evening that feels like the breath of God coming to sooth our souls. Even when the days aren't hot, that bay breeze just does something to the air that feels magical. 

In the midst of this soul soothing, and for the sake of my sanity and cardiovascular health, I plunged myself into the glorious evening for a run. Warming up to running, I planted my earbuds in my ears, started a playlist and proceeded to glide my way through surrounding neighborhoods, open fields and forests.

Approaching an optimal place to be kidnapped or murdered undetected, I picked up my pace and started to run. And then a good song came on. I ran a little bit faster and got a little bit more light on my feet - while maintaining a sense of alertness to my surroundings. 

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw something large and fierce barreling toward me. Continuing to run, I turned to see what my mind told me was a blood hungry and violence craving monster running at me as though his appetite for blood hadn't been satiated in years and it was about to be. 

I'd like to stop right here to say that I have what I consider a healthy fear of animals. You will never read about me being choked to death by my pet boa constrictor. Or having my bottom bitten by a snake in the toilet. I check every time. 

Also, I have a fairly nice sized knowledge of dog breeds and their corresponding personalities stored away, at least for commonly kept family dogs.

With that being said...

By this time, I had stopped running. Not for any logical reason, except that I've never been great at multitasking and screaming became my top priority. If there's ever a zombie apocalypse and you want to survive, I would be a good person to have around because I will likely stop running, start screaming and die immediately. 

So I'm standing in the street, with my arms raised and close to my body, and I finally see the animal running to me. It's an enormous dog, with it's tongue hanging out, slobber and jowls slinging and flapping in the wind, eyes red and drooping. All very reminiscent of most of the depictions of sharks I've seen. My knowledge of dog breeds went out the window. There was a gargantuan dog running at me, and all I could think of was PIT BULL. 

Don't forget, I had earbuds planted firmly in my ears with upbeat music playing loudly, so I couldn't even hear myself screaming. I have no way of knowing how grossly overboard the screaming went...but I can assure you: it was LOUD, SHRILL, and profoundly unhelpful.

I'm picturing the scene from Mark of the Lion where Hadassah is being devoured by the lion. I was imagining meat and bones and blood, preparing myself for the inevitable pain of being eaten by this animal. 

Not good.

I'm standing there with my eyes clinched shut, bracing myself for impact and, nothing happens. I slowly opened my eyes and saw the dog who had resembled Jaws moments before prancing around me in the most friendly and unthreatening manner. And I realized it was some sort of boxer mix and NOT a pitbull at all.

As my body unfolded from my protective stance, my breathing slowed and I started to feel safe. And then my brain alerted me to movement in my peripheral. There was a large, burly, old and bearded man charging toward me with something sharp in his hand! My breath caught in my chest and once again I am bracing for impact, thinking that the dog was simply some sort of diversion so this man could murder me with a hammer. 

I am taking in the scene, my brain is working, but not well. Once again proving I will be the first to go when zombies take over the world.  I realized the mans lips were moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying. He seemed to be yelling, the veins in his neck were popping but all I could hear was the Praise & Harmony song playing in my ear. It took several beats before I processed the reason I couldn't hear what he was saying and it occurred to me to take my earbuds OUT of my ears. 

Turns out, the man wasn't trying to murder me. He was doing some sort of carpentry project when his dog got out, and he didn't think to put his hammer down while he chased his dog. He tried to reassure me that his dog wouldn't hurt me. I never got around to saying that I was more afraid of his hammer than his dog, because it finally occurred to me that running away was probably my best option. I mean, if I narrowly escaped the first several threats to my life, why lose it now through casual conversation?

Anyway, I said all that to say this:  I wasn't torn to shreds by a vicious dog.

The End.

In the Highways and the Hedges

This evening, as I got into the van to drive myself and the kids to worship services, I was more than a little nervous.

The last time we drove the van, the dooley-dad that displays the DTE (distance to empty) read: 0.

This morning, Michael poured the remaining bit of gas, from the gas can we use for the lawnmower, into the tank and assured me that I would indeed be able to make it safely to church and home again.

Let's be real...Michael has run out of gas more times than anybody else I know. So this didn't exactly boost my confidence.

So I herded these hooligans into the van, got them all situated and turned on the van.

The DTE read...1.

So, I had to make it 12 miles round trip with the gas mileage dooley-dad telling me I could go 1. Then the thought of having to herd these wild indians down the long, winding, and dark highway after we had run out of gas crossed my mind.

But I guess I was in the mood for a miracle, because I DIDN'T do the sane thing and turn the car off and herd everyone back inside. Instead, I put the car in reverse.

I drove carefully. Making all of the drivers who WEREN'T about to run out of gas, VERY angry. Apparently people don't like it when you go 15 miles an hour UNDER the speed limit.

As I drove along, I watched (I DID look at the road mostly) the gas mileage dooley-dad rise. First 2, then 3 and when I arrived at church it read: 9.

By the time we got to church I was feeling a little like Elijah's widow lady whose oil never ran out. WHERE DID ALL THAT GAS COME FROM?!!

By the time we got home again, it said 14.

I dunno, maybe there's some logical explanation that, as a mere ignorant female, I just don't know about. But if there is, DON'T TELL ME!

You may call me a quack...and maybe I am...all I know is that we made it home with more gas in our car than we left with...AND OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!!

Heavenly Treasures

For most of our married life we have struggled financially. Until about a year ago we received Food Stamps, but the government decided that Michael works too many hours and that we no longer qualify.

I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me, and I hope you’ll understand that by the end of this.

I’ll tell ya. We’ve struggled. We’ve gone months without milk, we’ve eaten A LOT of Ramen noodles and A LOT of beans.

When Michael gets paid and we get our budget worked out and we realize that there isn’t enough to go around and we aren’t going to be able to buy our kids something we want to, it’s easy to get depressed and ask God where He is.

The thing is, God’s thoughts are infinitely higher than ours, and His ways are infinitely more wise than ours. He sees the big picture.

I love make-up. I would love to be able to buy high end make up. I go into Macy’s or Sephora and “ooh and ahh” over the beautiful colors and textures. At first I really wanted to buy those things and rationalized that the Proverbs 31 woman took care of herself...she wore nice things...so even if my family has to sacrifice...don’t I deserve something nice? The answer is yes. But I doubt the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman would have been so complimentary of her if she had spent their grocery money to make herself look nice.

I think that if I had the money to buy those things I would have missed out on something wonderful...the realization of what it means to place my treasure in Heaven, to value in myself what God values...and to not feel pressured by worldly standards of beauty that have no eternal value...and I can be the best steward of God’s blessings that I can, and if God thinks it’s important for me to have a $40 foundation...He’ll supply it without taking food out of my children’s mouths.

In the past year, I’ve made more things from scratch (which I feel more wholly nourishes my families bodies), I’ve gotten by on a very small grocery budget and I’ve found ways to be creative that I never had before.  Having to feed my family of 7, for three weeks, on $40 was a challenge...but I was truly blessed by that experience. I found a new depth of trust and strength that I didn’t know existed.

God has taught me what it really means to trust Him. To know that He will absolutely supply what we NEED, and that sometimes what I actually need varies greatly from I think I need.

He’s taught me that HE is the one from Whom all blessings flow and that I have nothing to do with it.

Most of all, He’s taught me that I matter to Him. That when I pray, He listens. And that even if I don’t know the solution, He does and He’s working it all out for my GOOD.

Open Doors

Maybe it's because it just recently started happening again...but I LOVE having doors opened for me. Anywhere. Anytime. By anyone.

I know it's silly and inconsequential...but at the same time NOT inconsequential. The fact that another human being...who is out rushing around through their day...would see me and for even a split second consider my welfare and take measures to assist me is absolutely consequential.

It's a perfect example of love without condition. The other person doesn't know me. He doesn't know that I nag my children or yell at my husband or try to control the world.  None of those things matter. He sees that I need the door opened and opens it. I walk through. I am thankful for a person that I don't know. I don't know what he does when he's alone, with his kids or on his income taxes. It doesn't matter or even cross my mind. I only feel gratitude.

A small act of kindness. No strings. No expectations. Only gratitude.

A Heart's Desire

I'm having a bit of an identity crisis.

Don't worry...I'm not going to disappear to go looking for myself.

All of my kids are in school and I'm faced with trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. Yeah I know, I'm still a mom...and that is primarily what I'm supposed to be doing. But part of my job as a mom is giving my children wings, giving them opportunities to discover who God made them to be and where they fit in God's plan...teaching them to soar on the wings of eagles. And teaching is best done by example, right?


I'll tell ya, I have had a hard time thinking of something I'm good at. I've taken personality tests, read books and talked Michael's ear off.

I think that the hardest part has just been realizing that I'm not a mistake...that I'm not God's accident...that I'm not too damaged and sinful to be useful to God...that while I am still sinful, Christ died for me...and that He has set me apart for good works.

And, since I'm NOT a mistake or an accident (even though if I were...he could STILL use me!) He must have given me a gift.

According to the spiritual gifts assessment in Complete in Christ my most prominent gifts are prophecy, leading, and encouraging. I guess the next step is narrowing down how God wants me to use those.

I've taken other personality tests (Myers Briggs Personality Indicator says I'm ENFP/J) and read books (I'm almost done with Courage and Calling...which has been so helpful!).

So, what is my hearts desire? I've thought about this question almost constantly since it was asked of me (in Courage and Calling).

I've been a little discouraged at my lack of talent. I don't scrapbook, I can't draw...you name it! I'm either mediocre at it or completely inept! I'm just not good at anything tangible...and I'll tell ya...that's been a little frustrating. But...

I think my hearts desire makes sense of all of this. The thing I want to do most in the world is inspire, encourage and spark creativity in others...to help people reach goals that they haven't had the courage to try for. To give people a place where they know they are loved without condition, and where that love empowers them to follow Christ to a depth they hadn't known before. I want my life to be a love letter from Jesus. And I don't need to be a world famous soprano to achieve that...all I need is Jesus.

I don't have a specific plan for how to achieve this but I think that my spiritual gifts line up well (I think?). I've been praying that God will glorify Himself and adorn the Gospel with my life...and as I've been learning of late...the most successful plans begin with prayer and the knowledge that it is only through Jesus that I can do anything good.

A New Season

If you read blogs to learn something...this probably isn't the one for you.
If you read blogs to find fun craft ideas and new recipes...this probably isn't the one for you.
If you read blogs to benefit from the wisdom of others...this probably isn't the one for you.

If you read blogs to feel better about yourself and how tidy your house is and how well behaved your kids are and pretty much any other area of you life...BOY IS THIS THE ONE FOR YOU!

I don't really know anything worth sharing...except that Jesus loves you (and ME!:).

And even THAT you can learn from a children's song.

So I'm just gonna write. It may or may not be worth reading. I don't know. But I'm going to write. Without strings, hoops or expectations...I'm just going to put good vibes on the internet...and even if all it is is good vibes and God is glorified...I'll be happy with that.

Step One: Progress Report

I have successfully gotten up earlier for four mornings now. I haven't quite made it to my "goal time"...which is 5am...but I'm getting there.

The first morning I got up at 6:40....the second 6:20...the third 5:40 and today I was able to get up at 5:20. So progress is being made!

God is so good. I know without a doubt that this wouldn't be possible without Him. Praise God!