Who Am I?

When I first began losing weight, I didn't know anyone who had lost the amount of weight I needed to lose, and kept it off.  I scoured the internet and searched Weight Watchers success stories and very few people had lost the amount of weight I needed to lose successfully, and even fewer had kept it off. Even some of the people who won The Biggest Loser had gained all of their weight back!


It seemed impossible that I could be the one.  I mean, if all of these wonderful people hadn't done it, who did I think I was even TRYING to do it?!

So I approached it all with a wary eye. I told myself that I didn't know how far I would make it, but that I was too desperate not to try.

So I took it one day at a time, and the weight began to come off.

Today, I'm down 145 pounds and I have 30 more pounds to go.

After two years and a seven month plateau...I still don't know how far I'm going to make it.

What I do know is that I can "run" a whole lot better without these weights holding me back while I'm running. I know that God loves me and that He is my Savior and the real champion in all of this. I know that I felt hopeless...I WAS hopeless but God took this hopeless girl and turned it all around. And as miserable as I was, He chose just the right moment...anytime before that and I may have mistaken HIS power for my own.

And that, my friends, would have been tragic.

God is so good.

What are you facing that seems hopeless? What are you afraid to try?  And what can I do to encourage you?

God is Bigger than the Boogie Man...and Chocolate Cake

I ran for the first time in a while today. Honestly, I'm not even sure when the last time I ran was. I think it may have been sometime in February.

I'm not saying I've been sedentary...I've done a lot of bike riding and walking...I just haven't ran.

But today I NEEDED to run.

I was having a moment. Actually, I was having several moments right after I ate a large piece of chocolate cake. I was having a moment where I couldn't see the victory at the end of the struggle...where that big ol' piece of cake was kicking my "can-do-attitude" in the boo-tay.

So I put my running clothes on and headed out the door.

The thing is, running is against my nature. It requires a level of faithfulness that I find difficult, sometimes, to muster. It means bounding from one foot to the other...repeatedly...for long periods of time. Which, for an overweight female, can be kind of painful.

But sometimes it's necessary to do hard things, because it's the hard things that change us the most. It's the hard things that show us who we really are, and who God is. Running clears my head...and I typically spend most of the time either praying or mouthing the words to praise songs...both of which do wonders for my soul.

Well today, my run reminded me that God loves me, that He's on my side and that He's bigger than that GINORMOUS piece of chocolate cake!

It was a good run...and I'm excited to head out again tomorrow!

God is so good to me!

Bon Voyage!

So, I gained today. Three. Pounds.

I have to say it is hard to accept. And typically, I scour the past week for what I did wrong. And that's a good thing.

But today, I feel tired. Because after 7 months of doing that and working constantly and then being disappointed, I'm tired.

And so, for this week, I'm taking a break.

Yeah, I'm sure that if I look back I'll find something I could have/should have done differently (although I feel sure NOT three pounds worth). But I just need a break. I need to focus on other things. Because really, this weight loss thing is just a means to an end. 

So this week, I'm not going to focus on losing weight, I'm not going to agonize over my gain and what I need to learn to improve my success this week. I'm going to rest.

I'm going to focus on Jesus and being a mom, a wife, a homemaker, a servant and friend.

Am I going to count points? Yes. Am I going to be active? Yes.

Honestly, my week might not look much different from the outside. The difference may only be on the inside...in my thoughts and in my heart. But I can tell you that I already have felt a weight lifted from my shoulders...even though I have to constantly remind myself to let myself rest.

I don't know what my next weigh-in will hold. But for now, the part of my brain that keeps saying "hey loser! get to your goal weight already! Or at least lose SOMETHING!" is on vacation.

And all I can say is...BON VOYAGE!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Photo by Alisha Hurt Photography

In my heart, I am an entrepreneur. In my head, I'm an entrepreneur.

When Michael and I were dating we spent hours thinking about how we would love to own a music/book store where half of the store is a shop where Michael spends his days as a luthier...crafting and creating world renowned guitars while visiting with customers and sharing his craft with passersby.

To this day I have a dream of opening a "fruit stand"/bakery where people come for in season fruits, veggies, jams, jellies, various baked goods, comfort, encouragement and love.

I also dream of writing books that encourage and spur people on to love and good works...of speaking to groups of women who need encouragement. Of loving people through the written and spoken word.

I don't know if I will ever really be successful at any of these things. Because I'm learning that God has a plan, and that ultimately, my dream is to be an instrument for His glory.

But I'm also learning that sometimes you have to step out of your boat and trust that even if it doesn't work, Jesus is there to make it all right.

So, while I was making out my "business" cards I was mulling over what to put on them. I don't really have a business and it seemed a little ridiculous to site my toilet cleaning and laundry doing abilities. So, jokingly I told Michael I was going to put "homemaker, writer, motivational speaker". I thought he would laugh it off and suggest something even MORE ridiculous.

But he didn't. He looked at me and said, "You know you do those things, right?"

And so I ended up using those descriptive terms. Not because I think I do those things well, but I do them and I hope to grow in them so that I can eventually do them well.

I guess it seemed like it was time to step out of my boat. So I did.

And there you have it.

God is good!

"The Common Cold of the Soul"

"To sinful patterns of behavior that never get confronted and changed,
Abilities and gives that never get cultivated and deployed--
Until weeks become months
And months turn into years,
And one day you're looking back on a life of
Deep, intimate, gut-wrenchingly, honest conversations you never had;
Great bold prayers you never prayed,
Exhilarating risks you never took,
Sacrificial gifts you never offered
Lives you never touched,
And you're sitting in a recliner with a shriveled soul,
And forgotten dreams,
And you realize there was a world of desperate need,
And a great God calling you to be part of something bigger than yourself--
You see the person you could have become but did not;
You never followed your calling.
You never got out of the boat."
--Gregg Levoy

"A year from now you'll wish you had started today"--I have no idea who originally said this except that it was not me!

So what's it gonna be?! Get up and do something and risk failure and spur growth? Or sit in a recliner talking and planning all the stuff you're gonna do or want to do and never actually get up and DO anything? The choice is yours.

Face your past. Own it. Learn what you can from it. And start fresh.

Just DO it! You CAN do it! Because you can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you! And His power is made perfect in our weakness.

No matter where you are or where you've been...there is hope for you.

Trying Something New

Sometimes I feel stuck. And sometimes it's necessary to look at what's working and what's not and make the changes to remove the obstacles in the way of growth.

Sometimes it's not that what I'm currently doing is not working, maybe I'm just bored or uninspired.

Every once in a while it's just time to try something new. Even if I fail or don't do well, I learn something new. Usually that I need to learn or practice more.

So far this year I haven't made as much progress on my goals for the year as I would have hoped. So I'm going to try something new.

1.  I'm going to spend a few minutes in the evening assessing the day and planning for the next day.

2.  I'm going to share with you how the day went and what my goals for the next day are and what I'll do differently based on how the day went.

Today I was on the computer too much and didn't get enough done around my house...and didn't do enough to feed my soul.

So here's what I'll change for tomorrow...

"Mom" Goals for tomorrow:

1. No tv
2. Have Bible Bedtime.
3. Spend at least 5 minutes just talking with each kid
4. Do something active with my kids
5. Have dinner at the table together: Hearty Taco Casserole, Salad

Personal Goals for tomorrow:

1.  Have quiet time
2. Spend 15 minutes cleaning each room
3. Run 3-4 miles
4. Fold laundry/put it away 
5. Write. 
6. Start Red Velvet cake.

So there you go...that's what I'll be working on tomorrow!

What's working or NOT working for YOU?! Have you tried anything new lately?

The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.-- Lamentations 3:22-23

Stepping Out of the Boat

The waters roared and the wind swept viciously, tossing the passengers of the ship timorously into the night. Accomplished seamen reduced to fearful wretches.

In the distance, a figure appears. A man. Confused and baffled by this utter disregard for the physical limitations of man, the seamen mistake their Savior for a ghost.

Realizing their mistake, they call out to him. Peter does the unthinkable. He asks to take a stroll with Jesus.

He steps out of the boat and on to the water and begins to walk. For a few minutes, Peter experienced the utter euphoria of water walking.

But then he took his eyes off of his Savior. And in his humanity he began to doubt. Because, the waves were high and the wind was strong and his actions defied everything he had ever known about the sea and about himself.

You know the rest of the story.

Can you imagine the awesomeness of being able to remember and retell about the time you WALKED ON WATER?! That's the stuff of superhero comic books and Hollywood computer graphics!

As humans we tend to focus on the part of the story where we sink. Sometimes we are so afraid of sinking that we don't even bother to get out of the boat in the first place. We are the disciples who, instead of having an awesome experience where we learn the value of trusting and keeping our eyes on Jesus, sit and watch while Peter gets to walk on water and we secretly wish we'd had the courage to do it too!

Yes Peter sunk and you might too. But Peter didn't drown and neither will you.

Whether you want to lose weight and feel like you just can't do it, or you want to try a new career or you want to read your Bible consistently, don't focus on the obstacles, keep your eyes fixed on the goal and take one step at a time. Those steps will add up. And even if you sink a time or two, refocus and start again.

The polio vaccine, the telephone, the phonograph, automobiles, airplanes...if the men who created them had stopped after one try, none of these things would have been invented. They are a culmination of years of trial and error...of learning what didn't work and applying that knowledge to future endeavors.

Whatever your goal is, don't be so afraid of failure that you never even try for the thing you want. God made you and if you have a heartfelt desire, perhaps he put it there for His glory.

What is your goal? And what ONE THING can you do today to move toward that goal?

My Prayer for My Kids

I'm pretty sure there's nothing more painful than having to see your kids in pain. It's tough to witness the hurt and humiliation on their face after being rejected. And as a mother I want to fix it and make it go away. We all want our kids to be happy, healthy and successful. Right?!

I used to pray that my kids would have friends. I used to pray that they would be successful. I used to see a poor or even mediocre performance on a report card as a sign of my own failure (because all the studies show that if you're doing it right you have smart and socially healthy kids, right?!). I used to feel embarrassed and humiliated at church when my kids did something all the other parents were shocked by.

And to be honest, sometimes my initial reaction is still the same.

But I've stopped praying for those things. And I've stopped caring what anyone else thinks of my kids...because we're not here to receive the approval of men and we're even warned to be worried when all men speak well of us. So I've stopped praying for those things and started just praying that God would use them and their circumstances to bring glory to Himself...and that He would mold them into something beautiful for His kingdom. And if that means having to watch them be rejected, fail at school and, by earthly standards, at life and that all the other parents in the world think that me and my kids are poster children for how to get it all wrong...then I trust Him...and I want Him to do whatever it takes.

Because my treasure is in Heaven, and that's exactly where I want my children!

Face it, Own it, Learn What You Can and Start Fresh!

The first time, after I began going to Weight Watchers, that I stepped on the scale to see a gain I was crushed.

The week before I had reached the 40 pound mark and had finally decided to try working out.  Being a fan of the Biggest Loser and hearing other people talk about Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred, I decided to give it a try.

If you've never tried one of Jillian's workout videos...they're tough! Especially for a girl over a hundred pounds overweight.

Every day that week I talked myself into doing the twenty minute workout and I was so excited to see what the scale held in store for me that week!

Well, I stepped on the scale to see a 3 pound GAIN. I admit it...I cried. I cried the ugly cry at the Weight Watchers.

Since then I've had many a gain. Some deserved, and some not. But every gain has taught me something...whether deserved or not.

Some taught me that I'm really not that good at guestimating, some taught me that I really do need to get up off my butt and workout and sometimes you just have to keep on keeping on until the number on the scale gets with the program.

 
I think the most valuable lesson I've learned is in being faithful. Showing up even when it's tough and I have a million excuses to stay home. Rain, shine, loss or gain, every week I show up to face that scale.  I get on that scale, accept the number, own the actions that put it there, learn what I can, let go of the rest and I step off with a clean slate.

Did you make a resolution that you're struggling to keep? Already resigned to failure?! Don't give up! Face it, own it, learn what you can, let it go and start fresh!!! You can do it!!

An Unsure End

This morning on our way to our favorite donut shop I got a brilliant idea!

We pulled up to the shop, I handed Caleb money to pay for the donuts and I sent my five wild indians into the donut shop. Alone. Without me.

I sat in the car...in complete peace and quiet and enjoyed my time immensely...only slightly holding my breath about what the outcome of this "brilliant idea" would be...because "what do you get when you send five wild indians into a donut shop?" sounds like a bad joke that I'd rather not know the punchline to.

A few months ago I read an article about over parenting and was really startled by how much I recognized myself in it. Cause, see, I'm a controller and that tends to make me a 'no' mom because saying yes might lead to a situation I can't control and that's really scary for me.

When I was Caleb's age I was riding my bike all over town running bank and grocery errands for my parents. And while I know that times have changed since then and we probably should be more careful, my over parenting seriously stunts my children's growth in maturity and creativity.

So, I've started weighing whether my inclination to say no is a real concern for their safety or for my own comfort.   And honestly, I have seen them blossom in the last few months. They've made friends, spent more time outside and been more creative. And that really makes me want to give them freedom...because kids need that! And guess what?! I need that too! It's pretty silly how much stress I heap upon myself needlessly!

photo courtesy of Alisha Hurt PHotography

So out of the donut shop they came...with the owner following them. And I'm thinking "oh no! What did they do?!?!"

I opened the car door and stepped out expecting the owner to reprimand me for sending them in alone.

Instead she smiled and told me they were the most well behaved kids she'd ever had in her shop AND she had given them donut holes as a reward for being so good. Ashamedly, I was shocked.

The kids handed me their change and filed into the car full of a sense of accomplishment.  The told me all about their donut shop experience while I silently thanked God for His goodness and felt the slight tinge of conviction for not having more faith in God and in my children.

It was a good day!

Warning! You Get What You Pay For and this Blog Costs You Nothing But Time! :)

It's kind of a cliche to make resolutions this time of year. It's also kind of a cliche for those resolutions to be short lived.

I've honestly never been one to make New Year's resolutions, but I have made a lot of resolutions at varying times of the year...most of which have failed.

But I'll be honest, I've come to love failure almost as much as I love success. Sure, it doesn't feel good to fail...at least not in the moment...and if people are watching...but every time I fail I learn something. I can give you a 101 ways NOT to lose weight (which, let's face it...they really ALL boil down to ONE way)...but it took me failing all of those times to figure out how to do it right.

Here's the thing, I didn't just wake up one morning with the will power to not eat all the donuts in the house. I woke up one morning depressed and feeling hopeless and in that depression and hopelessness I cried out to God and confessed that I couldn't do it on my own and that I need him.

So for what it's worth (and I warned you in the beginning that I don't know anything about anything and this is not a blog you'll be learning much from) here's my two cents on how go about goal/resolution setting:

1.  Seek God's kingdom FIRST. Get our priorities straight...making sure we're setting goals for God's glory and not our own.

2.  Pray. And pray often. Every. Single. Time. you think about your goals or something you want to change or someone you are at odds with or something you're thankful for. Basically, pray without ceasing. (See??? No new information here...I warned you!!!) If it concerns you, pray about it.

3.  Set aside a time of reflection and planning. Go somewhere quiet, wait until your kids are asleep or you can sneak away for a few minutes...relax, treat yourself, pray and set your goals. Think about where you want to be a year from now...and then ask yourself what you can do this week to move toward those goals and set some goals for this week. And then each night before you go to sleep...pray and then think about what you can do the next day to meet your weekly goals.

4.  Be thankful. When even the smallest of goals is achieved thank God. Recognize His power and work in your life and thank Him.

On that note, here are the goals I've set for myself this year:

Personal (I include my spiritual goals in this category)

• get up and have quiet time first thing in the morning
• get to goal weight
• create a functional/fashionable wardrobe 
• avoid self pity--have a positive/joyful attitude specifically about Michael's time away from home
• develop closer friendships
• develop more effective routines for homekeeping
• learn about and implement gardening/canning
• set up specific "work time"/be more intentional about blogging/developing skills/learning
• go visiting once a week
• Get house "hospitality ready"
• work on being more "faithful"

Family

• Be more consistent with "Bible Bedtime"
• pay off debt
• watch less tv
• find ways to serve neighbors/community
• be more intentional about family prayer times
• be more consistent with family Bible reading together
• Utilize a bulletin board for prayer lists/calendar/Fancher Central
• More physical activity together

Mothering

•  more consistent with routines
• organize/decorate kids rooms so they're easier to keep clean
• less yelling and more patience, joy and fun
• provide more opportunities for creativity
• be more intentional about prayer for kids
• be more intentional in relationship building/"quality time"
• be more "faithful" or dependable

Marriage

• dates once a week
• be more intentional about expressing appreciation and respect
• be more joyful and complain less

Do you have any goals for this year? I'd love to hear them!!