I'm the Mom...

whose daughter shares culinary tastes with bovines.
who frequently says things like "go eat your dinner!" when I really mean "go finish your homework!" 

 who after being stuck at home to conserve gas, finds it necessary to draw mustaches on everyone in the family and head to Target...
who gets momentarily mistaken for a bank robber
who hates homework
who daily has to apologize
whose stellar ability to block out deafening noise should probably be studied by NASA.
whose tooth fairy career has failed miserably
and who is blessed beyond measure.