Submission is a Dirty Word

I used to skip Judges 19 in my yearly Bible reading because it triggered me to question whether God loves women, and His goodness and existence.

Until I realized that everything recorded in scripture is not something God approves of. Then it occurred to me that God stands in stark contrast to the man in Judges 19 and all the other passages of scripture where men send (or offer) defenseless women to (sometimes mobs of) men. God didn’t send His wife or His daughter to face the mob. He came Himself. He sent somebody with power and a choice. The actions of men do not equal the actions or directive of God. 

I choose to submit to my husband. And to remain silent in The Church. 

I do this because scripture instructs it. Honestly, though, I have struggled with these things and the implications that I believed they had about what God thinks of me as a woman. Stick with me while I explain how I’ve come to have peace with this. 

Here’s where people start talking about “the patriarchy” and misogyny. Those things exist, but God didn’t invent them. And I don’t think that my submission to my husband and silence in The Church necessarily creates those. 

The world is a fallen place. Do men take advantage of their wives' submission or silence in the church? Yes, sometimes. Maybe a lot of times. 

The truth is, I shouldn’t confuse the thoughts, opinions, and actions of men with the thoughts and ways of God. And I can’t waste my life obsessing over other people’s flaws or rejecting the commands of God because someone else isn’t holding their end of the bargain. 

I believe that my role as a wife is a picture of how the church functions as the bride of Christ. Of course, the church should submit to Christ. The thought of The Church singing “I can buy myself flowers” . . . is ridiculous. 

Submission today looks differently than it did in Bible times, simply because culture has changed. Michael would laugh me to scorn if I called him lord. Or maybe not, but that would be weird. Submission isn’t defined by culture today or 50 or 100 years ago, and it isn't defined by Fox News. The implementation of it is impacted by culture, but God defines submission. Submission isn't not voting or having a bank account or being a housewife. Those are cultural things that have changed. 

Ballroom dancing is a lovely demonstration of submission. My husband leads, I follow, and we artfully perform the steps together. I don’t resist his moves or intentionally perform a different step from him, and he leads with compassion. We both show up ready to dance our hearts out, and that’s the only way it works. If both people lead, it doesn’t work. Most people can understand submission in this context. Submission in marriage is the same thing. I allow my husband to be the leader. 

I share my opinions, and he listens. We work together. But I submit to his direction. Not because I am somehow less than him, but so the picture can be complete. 

The church should always be in submission to Christ. When Christ speaks, the church should always be silent. And that is the example that I seek to emulate and demonstrate.

I don’t think God thinks that women don’t have good things to say or wise words to share. He brings His Kingdom to us in a way that we can understand. I believe that women submit because marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. 

God came to face the mob (that, ironically, I am a part of), and I am willing to submit to the picture that He is painting. Even if that means I don’t get to be the leader and I don’t speak in the Church. I am okay with that.