In the beginning of my Dark Night of the Soul, I wrote about my experience a little bit. But as I felt misunderstood, I stopped and decided that until I had fully processed what I was going through and could feel secure in what I knew I was experiencing, I felt like I couldn't handle input from other people who weren't walking through it with me.
So, I have about 6 years worth of things I've been processing and going through and writing about: thoughts and feelings I've worked through and healed from, but I'm just now sharing.
Life is complicated, and walking through it alone is hard. The last six years have largely been filled with things I've walked through, worked on and healed from on my own with God. Even though I'm just now sharing it, most of what I'm sharing I've processed and healed from and now I'm sharing it because I feel ready.
I could only share easy things, light things and happy things. But that wouldn't be true.
The Bible is filled with the experiences and feelings of real people, and they aren't all upbeat or happy.
Christians walk through difficult things, have complicated feelings and are sad sometimes. And that's right and okay. It doesn't mean I'm not trusting God, it means I'm real.
Over the last six years, I have listened to Hurt by Johnny Cash too many times to count because it felt like somebody could see me and understand what I felt. I also listened to Unchained because I love the line "it's hard to see the rainbow through glasses dark as these, maybe I'll be able from now on, on my knees"
Loving and trusting God doesn't mean I never have bad feelings or experiences, it means I love Him and trust Him through them.
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