Changes

A few months ago, I sat in our van crying and hopeless. I was completely broken and disgusted with myself. Not only with how physically unhealthy I was, but emotionally as well. (That's me, on the far right...around this time)

Right then, I made a decision to join Weight Watchers. I had no idea when there was a meeting but I drove straight there and joined.

Since then, I've lost 87 pounds.

I can run...really run for the first time in I don't even know how long....and I have run, repeatedly.

I'm not saying that all of my problems are solved, but I do have hope. Not because I've somehow, miraculously, gained self control...I've tried a million times to lose weight...and I haven't...so I know it isn't me.  God has blessed me tremendously. There is not one ounce of credit that I can take for that 87 pounds...the glory is all His. I pray he continues to bless me.

Being lighter physically is not the only way I've been blessed. I'm finding it easier to step out of my comfort zone...partly because I spend less time worrying about what other people think of me. I'm learning that that really doesn't matter...it's what God thinks that matters.

I'm so excited to see where God takes me, what He does with my life.

It feels so good to let go, give up control and just let Him lead. Which is kind of an odd thing to say since I tend to be a control freak. A control freak that HATES being in control??? The mind reels.

Free Indeed...at last.

Here I am. Scars and all. And for the first time in my life I can sincerely say...I do what I do because I believe it's right, although I fall short on a pretty constant basis...my relationship with God is between me and Him...and others opinions of the state of my salvation doesn't affect it. God knows me, He knows my heart. He said that if I seek, I'll find. So here I am, trusting Him. Really believing Him.

I appreciate admonishment and provocation from anyone who will love me enough to give it...but my relationship with Jesus and my heavenly Father is not defined by what you think of me and I won't live in fear any longer. 

And it feels awesome.

 

Like Mother Like Daughter

So after a 7 year hiatus, and in an effort to NOT be confused with the local bag lady...I've been sprucing up my appearance...losing weight, actually combing my hair--instead of the perpetual, and very literal (not carefully crafted) messy bun--and...drum roll...wearing make up.

I love makeup, doing my hair and dressing nice but, for some weird and completely alien reason, I stopped doing all of those things...and the local bag lady became my fashion role model.


Well, Elisabeth decided she needs a change too...and the nearest black marker did just the trick!

Surprise! Surprise!

So on Monday and Tuesday I suffered horribly from a cold.  By Wednesday it had developed into an all out sinus infection.

But do I go to the doctor? Of course not! It's more fun to try out all the quirky ways of healing myself than to do something as easy as take a pill.

So I hit the 'net in search of natural remedies.

The one I kept coming across was 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar in eight ounces of water.  Ugh. 

But I decided to give it a try. Mostly to prove it wrong and set all these quacks straight...

But I drank it. I admit it wasn't as bad as most liquid medicines I've had. And it made my tummy feel all warm and settled.

In less than five minutes, the imaginary SOS pad that had been scrubbing my sinuses magically disappeared, the faucet stopped running and I could hear and breath again. A miracle I tell you!

Natural Cure All

Apparently, BandAids even cure runny noses...and I don't bother to wash my children's faces before I take their picture!

Learning to Be Wise: A Work in Progess

So there's good news and there's bad news.

I'll share the good news first.

Mornings at our house, since the kids started school, have been hectic. I didn't think adding a kiddo to the morning send off would be such a big deal. but it is.  So far, they haven't been late...but my goal is to walk them to school everyday and that's only happened once so far. 

This morning marked the beginning of the second week of school...and it was by far the most pleasant morning so far.  Wanna know why?

I made breakfast last night!  I had Applesauce Bread and boiled eggs on the menu, and since I'm much more of a night person than a morning person, I boiled the eggs and made the bread last night! 

And for the first time this year, I didn't feel like chicken running around with it's head cut off all morning.

I'm sure in these little 'realizations' of mine, you all are thinking how silly I am to have not thought of them before...but apparently I'm a slow learner.

Now for the bad news.

This weekend, I gave in and said yes, when I should have said no.

It's not that I didn't think HE would provide, it's that I didn't want to wait for him to.  I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it NOW.

So, if you're a "righteous man" could you use some of those "effectual, fervent prayer"s on my behalf?

How to Get Your Four Year Old to Go To Bed

Are you having trouble getting your four year old to go to bed when it's time?

Is there whining and complaining and lots of excuses to get out of bed?

Well, since I'm a parenting expert, let me tell you how to solve that problem. Listen really well, because with all of my experience and perfectly angelic kids, I'm definitely qualified to give you advice.

You'll need some rope, and knot tying know-how...and if that doesn't work...there's always NyQuil...

JUST KIDDING!

No, but really, I went to tell Elisabeth to get ready for bed last night...and she was already tucked tightly in her bed, sound asleep. 

Here's how I did it...

I have no idea.  But it sure was nice!

I Dunno

Motherhood is complicated.  It's extremely eye opening. It illuminates every fault (like...I need to clean my camera lens)...and places an urgency on fixing them.

Seeing my kids struggle brings out the mother bear in me.  I want to fix whatever the problem is. And when I can't fix the problem or I don't understand the problem, I get frustrated and sometimes that comes out as anger.

The last thing my sweet babies need when they have a problem, is to feel like I'm angry at them.

My oldest son has been facing some problems at school.  Last year was very hard on him.  We're still seeing the effects.

The thing is, I feel so helpless to fix it. Or to even help him. 

I'm really struggling with knowing what to do and being patient with him, understanding that he's not being difficult on purpose.

Please pray.  We need wisdom, and patience.

Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him. Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre. Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love. By the word of the LORD were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth. He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; he puts the deep into storehouses. Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the people of the world revere him. For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm. The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth-- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,  to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 33

Healthier All American Meal

I've been on a journey to provide my family with natural, healthy food for a few years now.  It started when I realized how negatively Caleb, my oldest, was affected by sugar. And then I developed a severe thyroid problem.

One of the first foods that I changed, was our peanut butter (btw, out of the peanut butters I searched for, Jif was the only one that offered their complete list of ingredients).  I always thought that peanut butter was healthy  but when I started trying to cut out sugar from our diet...lo and behold...the second ingredient in peanut butter was...drum roll...SUGAR! In our house, we paired peanut butter with jelly, and since jelly is mostly sugar...I was basically feeding my kids a sugar sandwich.

And then I started learning about oils...fully and partially hydrogenated oils and mono and di-glycerides (all of which are ingredients in most peanut butters...to make them more spreadable). Yuck!

So I had a problem...I don't know about your house, but at ours peanut butter and jelly was a staple.

So I set out trying to find a replacement.

The store I shop at has peanut and almond grinders for customers to make their own peanut/almond butter.  I did that for a while and mixed the peanut butter with honey.  This received negative reviews from my family.  Michael, whose super power is his stomach of steel, disliked it so much that he would skip a meal if this was served.

So I moved onto the ready made "natural" peanut butters. I tried Laura Scudder's and MaraNatha,  and while the taste was good, it was hard to spread and the oils that gathered at the top were rather bothersome, in that they would sometimes spill over while I was attempting to mix it back in. Since I've tried these, MaraNatha has developed "no stir" nut butters...I've tried the "no stir" almond butter and it was fantastic!

After a couple of years of searching, I finally discovered Smart Balance peanut butter.  I love it because all the ingredients are natural. It's sweetened with molasses and contains flax seed oil.  My kids absolutely love it!

Since the peanut butter already contains a sweetener, I really don't want them consuming even more in jelly.  I've done a lot of experimenting and we've come up with an alternate that my kids love even more!

1/2 cup Peanut Butter
3-4 Tablespoons unsweetened applesauce
1/2 of a ripe banana

Mix it all together.  We spread this in between whole grain bread for lunch or on celery for a snack. Either way, it's much healthier than sugar sandwiches!

Billy Joe McGuffrey and Green Eggs and Ham

Traditional, first day of school, green eggs and ham, cooked, delighted in and gulped down by three eager to get to school kiddos and two disappointed that they have to wait until next year.

This years holds a lot of firsts for us...Caleb was VERY nervous this year and he's never been that way before...I spent a lot of time praying last night. I hope this year is better for him!

Nathaniel forgot his glasses (that isn't one of the firsts)...

And for the first time since I've had kids in school...I don't have any kindergarten-ers.

And can I just mention...it takes Lilla twice as much time to get ready for school as it does the boys. She's only 5, y'all. It's the hair. And the fact that getting her dressed is more complicated than the boys.  The boys are good with a pair of jeans, tshirt, socks and shoes.  Lilla, on the other hand, has to have AN OUTFIT.  She starts with finding the perfect shirt...and then she has to find the perfect pants/skirt to go with it...and the perfect shoes to match the outfit...the perfect hair dodads to match the outfit and shoes...and then when she's got the perfect outfit on, she has to change five or six times to MAKE SURE it's the perfect outfit.

Oh well. She's fun. I like her!

I can't wait for them to get home!

Learning to Say No and Just Trust

Sometimes it's difficult to discern between needs and wants.

And when you have a limited budget that won't even allow for some of the needs, let alone the wants, it's tempting to throw the budget out the window and live beyond our means.

And believe me, we've done our share of that.

Sure, it's annoying to not have all of the perks that your friends have, but it's even more annoying and sooo stressful to not be able to pay our bills because we wasted it at Target.

So learning to tell myself no has been a big necessity.  But let me tell ya, it feels so good. Saying no takes a weight off of my shoulders, in the way that spending and having "things" puts it on.

Sometimes it's hard to decide when we should just spring for something, and trust that God has us covered or when we should tell ourselves no and wait for Him to provide it.

I found a really cheap version of one of the books I mentioned earlier on Amazon and I have been so tempted to just get it.  I think of all the ways having it will benefit me, my family and help me bring glory to God.

I made the concrete decision today, that if God wants me to have it, if it really will benefit my family and glorify Him, He will provide it. And if He doesn't provide that particular book, He will provide in some way that will benefit us and bring glory to Him in ways I can't imagine.

I've told myself this very thing a lot lately.  And it works. Letting it go, trusting that God will provide what I need and recognizing that just because I think I need it, doesn't mean I do.  It feels awesome to be creative and do without something I thought I needed.  I'm learning to be thankful when God says no, and I'm working toward my mission of being trusted implicitly by my husband.

God is awesome!