I've started to type this a few dozen times.
I was pregnant when I got married. I know that probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but to me and my family, and to Michael and his family, it was a big deal.
I was raised to look down on people who made big mistakes like mine. I am the daughter of a preacher. One who likes his reputation intact.
I was basically a leader among the young people in my church.
I let everyone down. People believed in me and I let them down. My parents, Michael's parents, our siblings and all the people who counted on me to be the strong one. I let them down.
I've lived in the shadow of my sin ever since then. I gained weight as a subconscious way to announce to everyone that I know I suck. I'm not worth taking care of. My life ever since then has lived up to the standard of letting everyone down.
King David let everyone down. His baby died and then he got up and lived his life. Why can't I?
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Sin is a big deal, and we all have them. One sin can seem like a bigger deal than another, but really it isn't.
ReplyDelete"My sin - oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! -
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to His cross and I bear it no more!
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord, oh my soul!"
I am proud that you are in my life. And, I love you very much. Your shepherd is my shepherd, too.