Walking Off Into the Sunset

 
It all ends with the cast of characters walking off into the sunset. Living happily ever after. 

And that's how I imagine it. A dramatic crescendo leading up to the moment when everything I've worked for and my earnest desire culminates in the epic conglomeration of a new me. One without ADHD symptoms, social anxiety, an ongoing struggle with depression, one hundred extra pounds, a propensity to overreact to having to repeat myself and my family putting dishes on the counter instead of in the dishwasher. 

If I can read the right book, think deeply enough, be honest with myself enough...the road will eventually lead to that sunset. Right?

But here I am at 41, still wrestling with all of the above things. 

What I'm coming to understand is that I can enjoy that sunset, even if it doesn't cue the happily ever after music.  The road leads there, even when it doesn't end there. The sunset can still take my breath away. Even with my ADHD symptoms, social anxiety, perpetual depression, one hundred extra pounds and a propensity to overreact. 

Maybe it's easier to recognize and revel in the little piece of Heaven that it is when my flaws highlight the contrast. 

I'm learning that life is more about consistency than epic growth spurts and before and after pictures. 

Instead of getting it all right being a prerequisite for showing up, I show up until I get it all right. Instead of waiting for the black and white to be clear, I show up in the gray area and learn to decipher between hues of gray. 

Maybe I don't have to wait for everything to fit perfectly together to walk off into the sunset. Maybe the sunset is something to focus my eyes on and enjoy while I'm walking down the path, tripping over hurdles and learning to walk with more precision and consistency.