He Called Me Anyway

As much of a miracle as it is that Michael and I have survived the events since our marriage, it's even MORE of  a miracle that we ended up together at all.

Cause see, I broke up with him 7 times.

Yes, you read that correctly. Seven. Times.

Every time he would brokenheartedly want to know why and sometimes it wouldn't even last until the end of the phone call. But yes, seven times. And I'm not sure that we even counted the 'break-ups' that only lasted ten minutes. So it could technically be more than that. But let's not split any hairs.

We never fought, it wasn't that we broke up in the heat of an argument...I honestly just wanted him to marry me and it seemed like he was NEVER going to...so I broke up with him.

The funny part of all of this is that he's since told me that every time he started saving for an engagement ring, I broke up with him so he'd go and spend whatever he'd saved.

Have I mentioned how flaky I can be? I'm working on it!

The thing, and my favorite part of this story, is that even after the tearful break ups...he always called me again. And every single time I was shocked that he still wanted to be my friend.

He didn't nag me or beg me to recant...he was just my friend. He made me feel safe and protected and, without fail, I always came crawling back.

Honestly, looking back I can't imagine why in the world he didn't run screaming from me and never talk to me again. But he didn't.

And guess what? He's still my safe place. He knows all of my dirty little secrets, he knows what a wretch I am and all the horrible things I've done and not only does he love me anyway, but he doesn't even bring them up when he's mad at me!

I think he's a keeper!

If I Knew I Couldn't Fail

A few sessions back my life coach asked me, "if you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do?" Of course, she was asking in a short term, what-would-I-do-in-the-next-week kind of way but it got me thinking in a more wild, willy nilly way about what I would do. So here's my list...I'll not pretend it's exhaustive but these are things I have a desire to do...some are fairly realistic and some are things I know will probably never happen. Without further adieu....

1.  Write a cookbook. The thought of spending hours and hours and hours creating, testing and compiling recipes in book form is enthralling to me.

2.  Cook Sunday dinner every Sunday and invite tons of random people without regard to their economic status or level of cleanliness.

3.  Run a marathon.

4.  Write a regular book. I have no idea what I would write about or anything...I think it would just be fun to write!

5.  Rent a beach house and invite some girlfriends to spend a weekend with me...pay for flights and all of that as well.

6.  Go to culinary school.

7.  Start a bluegrass band.

8.  Become a midwife.

9. Move to a developing country and help women have healthy and successful pregnancies and births.

10.  Get a career and work while Michael goes to school...so he wouldn't have to do both at the same time.

11.  Read a parenting book and live it out perfectly, without exception.

12.  Completely cut out processed foods and junk food from my kids diet.


Yeah I think that's enough for now.

If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do?

Betty Crocker's Ugly Step Sister

I admit it. If Betty Crocker were a real person and she had an ugly step sister, I'm pretty sure it would be me.

She'd be her lovely self creating beautiful culinary wonders in the kitchen...she'd never have flour on her face, dress or in her hair.

And then there'd be me, looking over her shoulder in a cloud of flour...hair a mess and streaked with flour...trying to learn her secrets...and failing miserably!

Last week I made my first successful batch of from-scratch biscuits. After two other attempts I finally got it right. They were light and fluffy and delicious. Of course, now I'll have to remember how I did it...which is just as likely as it was that I'd create something edible in the first place!

Of course, if I'd just followed a recipe in the first place I probably could have gotten it right the first time...but when I do that I feel like I've cheated and am a fraud for accepting compliments.

I love understanding the 'why' behind a recipe. I love going into the kitchen and understanding how different ingredients work and putting them together to create something yummy.

It's funny though, while I typically am disappointed when something doesn't work, it's almost as exciting as when it does work. Because then I get to figure out WHY it didn't work, and go into the kitchen better prepared to produce the desired result.

Don't get me wrong, I do use recipes. There aren't enough hours in the day or ingredients on the shelf to experiment 24/7. And when more than just my sweet, little, compassionate family is going to be eating it I get all self conscious and usually search out a recipe...unless I've made my own a bazillion times and my family has assured me that it is ready for public consumption!

I recently went on a trek to find a good vanilla cake recipe and so far, this is it! I also recently made this chocolate cake with the referenced frosting. While it was good, it wasn't the best chocolate cake I've ever had. But it was quick and easy and the frosting (which was just a simple buttercream) was yum!

Last week, I went in search of a cookie recipe that I already had the ingredients for. I didn't find any, so I went in the kitchen, got out the ingredients I was willing to use and set out to make a shortbread cookie. It didn't really turn out that way, they were more like sugar cookies, but I'm determined to get it right eventually! And I had a fabulous time tossing the ingredients in like a mad scientist!

What do you LOVE doing? Are you good at it? What do you love about it?

Setbacks

Last week when I walked into my Weight Watcher's meeting, I knew it was going to be bad. I had forgotten to take my thyroid meds for several days in a row. So not only was my metabolism messed up, I was an emotional wreck.

After several setbacks, an unhealthy and heaping dose of beating myself up for my lack of self control, I gave up.

I stopped trying.

I didn't track or even try to control myself. I even decided to put off going to a meeting. I made myself a completely unreasonable diet and exercise plan and decided to go to a meeting later in the week.

I went to bed on Monday night planning to NOT go to my meeting.

Well, I guess at some point in the night my subconscious convinced my conscious of how ridiculous all of this was. I startled awake on Tuesday morning, jumped up out of bed, got dressed and went to my meeting.

I'd love to be able to tell you that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But it was. It was every bit as bad as I was afraid it might be. I gained. 7 pounds.

Oh, it hurt. It hurt bad. I cried the ugly cry and had to leave immediately because I couldn't see or talk. (By leave, I mean I stumbled out to my car, but didn't drive anywhere until I was calm enough to see again.)

But I have to say, I'm glad I went.

Because guess what?! Success doesn't mean never failing. It means getting back up after we do. Because we're human. We are going to fail. Repeatedly.


Perfect just isn't in our repertoire. But growth is.

To grow we have to learn. And sometimes to learn, we have to fail.

"A setback is the perfect setup for a comeback"

Are you behind on your Bible reading plan?

Did you give up on healthy eating or exercising months ago?

Tempted to give up on a goal because it seems like you're not getting anywhere?

Don't give up! Whatever setback you're facing could be a stepping stone to success!

Face it, own it, learn what you can and start fresh!

What I'm Learning About Listening

Part of being a good friend, or a safe person, is being a good listener. So as part of my desire to be a good friend and a compassionate person, I am working on being a good listener.

Listening is so much more involved than just standing in someone's vicinity while they speak. It starts way before the conversation. It starts in my heart.

Because listening, really listening requires selflessness. It requires me setting myself and my own thoughts aside and really hearing what the speaker is trying to say without my own judgements and suppositions. It is impossible to really listen and hear what someone is saying if I am inserting my own assumptions and judgements into what they are saying. Instead of hearing what they're saying I'm hearing what I think they are saying. And that's not really hearing them at all.

So here's what I'm learning about listening...

1.) Really listen. Look the speaker in the eye. It really is important. It lets them know that my focus is on them. And it reminds me where my focus should be.

2.) Really listen. Don't think about other things.

3.) Really listen. Care about the speaker more than myself. Care more about them than my own opinions and what I think about what they're saying. Reserve all judgments and analyzations for later. Listen to understand what they're saying, not to judge it.

4.) Really listen. Listen to what they're saying instead of forming my own response. I can't form an appropriate and wise response before I've really listened to what they're saying.

5.) Really listen. Respond to the mood of what they're saying with your body language. If what they're saying is happy and exciting, show a happy and exciting response with your body. If what they're saying is painful and sad, respond in that way. Basically, rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn (huh! Where have I heard that before??)

:) Did you notice a pattern? It really all just comes down to really listening. Not pretending to listen. Not making a grocery list or thinking of all the reasons the speaker is a kook and trying to form my exhortation about why what they're saying is wrong. What they're saying may be wrong...and it may need to be corrected but interrupting them to do it sends the message that I think that what they are saying is so stupid that I can't bear to listen to it a second longer, and that what I have to say is more important than what they are saying. And guess what?! Nobody deserves to be made to feel that way! I certainly say a lot of stupid things that God shouldn't have to listen to, but He does anyway.  And that amazing grace should spill out of my life and onto every person I come into contact with. Even the ones who say things I don't like.

God is good, and with Him all things are possible! Praise God for His mercy and grace!

Have you ever been misunderstood or interrupted? How did it make you feel? Have you ever misunderstood someone because you didn't listen well? Have you ever been so anxious to interject your own idea that you interrupted someone who was talking? How did they respond and how do you think they might have felt?

Proverbs 1:5
Proverbs 12:18
James 1:19
Romans 12:15

God made you wonderful! So go live out your potential!

"Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it!"

If you enjoyed this post, or benefited from it in any way, would you consider sharing it with a friend?

This, or Something Better?

I guess I've mentioned before that I've been on a big fat plateau for like 9 months now.

Not because the plan doesn't work. And when I say "the plan" I mean eat healthy in general and exercising.

The plateau is partly a result of my wacky thyroid, and partly me allowing the hard moments to steer me off course.

So I've been working with an awesome and very talented life coach to get me back on track. And let me tell you, yesterdays session was A. MAZING! She did this little exercise to help me figure out what my top 5 reasons for wanting to get to my goal weight are. When we finished she repeated it all back to me like I was saying it to myself and had me in a puddle of tears.

After the call she sent me an email that she's asked me to post all over my "world". On the fridge, on the pantry doors, on the bathroom mirror, in the car...everywhere to remind myself of what I'm doing. And at the end she included a little phrase to help me put it all into focus. This (food, or whatever momentary pleasure is getting in the way of my working toward my goals), or something better?

When I'm working toward a goal...sometimes it's hard to deny myself momentary pleasures for the hope of something better. Sometimes I think that one little thing won't matter...or I convince myself that it's not working anyway...so what's the point of denying myself?!


In those moments, it helps to remind of myself of what I'm ultimately trying to achieve and how it will feel to achieve it. To remember that God is on my side and He's working for me and in me to accomplish His dreams for me.

So, without further adieu...here's my list...

My Most Important Reasons

for Wanting to Reach my Weight Goal

·     I want to be healthy so that I can feel good and take care of my family
·     I want to be a healthy role model for my family and friends
·     I want to finish what I started
·     I want to have the confidence to pursue other dreams
·     I want to be able to help and encourage others to reach their goals
This (bag of cookies, cake batter, milk shake or whatever it is I'm craving in the moment), or something better!

I think I'll go with something better!

How about you? This, or something better? 

What's your something better? What are your reasons for wanting to reach your goals? How will it feel to achieve them? Is there something you might need to deny yourself in order to achieve them?

I Want to Ride My Bicycle

♫♪I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like♫♪

So to save us some dough...I've been riding my bike around town to perform various errands and tasks that can be done within a reasonable distance.

For most of my errands I have two route options. The first contains a fairly steep hill. The second is completely flat but out of the way. 

So typically I talk myself into taking the hill route. I think about the extra effort I'll have to put into biking up the hill and the extra calories I can burn in the process. 

So as I bike on my merry little way, I anticipate the hill. I pedal faster and get a good pace going so that when I hit the hill I'll have a good head start so the hill won't be so much work.

But the thing is, no matter how fast I pedal in anticipation of the hill, about halfway up the hill it gets hard. Every revolution of my tires is a chore. The muscles in my legs start burning like crazy and it takes all of my focus to gain even an inch of ground.

It's at this point that I start thinking about how I should have taken the longer, but much flatter route. It hurts. It's painful and I don't like it. In that moment I couldn't possibly care less about how many calories I'm burning or the benefits to my body. All I know is that it hurts, and I don't like it.

And then I reach the top. I reach the top and head down the other side. 

The pain is gone, the wind in my hair, my heart soars and I imagine that I'm flying.

And you know what? When I'm flying down that hill I am thankful that I didn't take the flatter route. And that moment of thankfulness and the utter bliss I feel in that moment informs my decision the next time I have to decide which route to take.

In life, we have choices. We can take the flat, apathetic route that takes little to no gumption to get through...or we can take a chance on the hard route that will provoke growth. 

But the thing is, no matter how much we prepare for the difficult moments, sometimes things just get hard. They get hard and we just have to keep pedaling. It hurts and it's not pleasant, but we keep going. 

And eventually we get to the top. 

Are you facing an uphill battle? Are things tough for you right now? Is it all you can do to get out of bed in the morning? 

Don't give up! You're almost to the top! Just keep pedaling! You can do it!

Let me know if there's something I can do to encourage you! Or pray for you about!

Holding Back the Floodwaters

I am always intrigued by other peoples homes. Seeing or being inside someone else's home is like a little glimpse into their souls. You can learn a lot about people just by being inside their home.

It's difficult for me not to get caught up in comparison. Not because I'm jealous of their material possessions, but because I feel so behind.

Yes, when you come into my home you can learn a lot about me, but what you learn about me is not what I want to be true.

It's like when you're paying off debt. You may no longer be that irresponsible person who created those debts, but you still have to pay them. And sometimes it feels defeating.

Our living room is half painted, the bathroom is covered in a variety of paint colors because my daughter thought the bathroom should give a preview of the paint colors in all the other rooms. I feel like my housekeeping efforts are like a rickety dam with a crack in it, barely holding back the flood waters.

If you stop by my house unannounced, it's very likely that I won't let you in because my house is a mess.

To be honest, I do see areas of growth. I do have a laundry pile, but I'm pretty sure I could get it all done in one day...which is a huge improvement upon years past.
I feel like I'm missing something. Other women who are my age and at my approximate stage of life have clean, decorated, homey homes. And I want that desperately. But I feel like I'm missing some chip in my brain that renders me incapable of that. Not because God didn't give me that "chip" but because I broke it somehow.  And I honestly have no idea how to fix it.

I know that I'm probably going to get some emails asking if I'm okay, and I am okay. I probably just need a hug. But the only person I've seen today is the FedEx man and it seemed a little out of his job description and kind of inappropriate to hug him! :)

Okay, I'm going to go reinforce the flood gates so maybe the dam won't break today. :) Pray for me?

Exhibit A

Being the mom of five wild indians makes my life interesting.

Exhibit A:

Yesterday I loaded them all into our Wild Indian Wagon and stopped to get gas.

Apparently our local fillin' station has had problems with people leaving the pump nozzles clicked down and spilling gas everywhere so they took the little whatchamacallits that hold the trigger on the nozzle down off. And a 47 gallon tank  takes a while to fill when you've run the tank purty near empty.

Meanwhile...back at the ranch...err...back inside the Wild Indian Wagon...my very wild Wild Indians decided to reenact Custer's Last Stand...on a very small scale since I'm pretty sure Custer and the Native Americans had a much larger space to battle it out in than the backseat of a Suburban.

I'm pretty sure you couldn't get hydraulics to make that thang move in the way it was moving. For reals...you know in cartoons when a group of kids gets into a fight and all you see is a cloud? There's a reason for that. The person who came up with that must have had five wild indians too.

So I stood there pumping gas, pretending to ignore the commotion inside the vehicle...which was pretty difficult since I was leaning up against it.

And believe me, people were staring. But, being the mother of five wild indians, it's a pretty common occurrence around these here parts.

All of this is going on and the guy at the next pump decides it's a good time to strike up a conversation. He asks me about the kids, acts shocked when I tell him how many there are and that, yes! they are ALL mine.

And then he hit on me. I don't know if he's crazy, desperate or if he just thought any woman with that many kids could probably use a boost. I don't know. He promptly left.

After what seemed like a million years at the time, I finished filling the tank, and got back into the car expecting for the refereeing part of my job to commence but...

Somehow they had reached a truce. They were happy as larks. They were sweaty and disheveled but you'd have never known they had just fought the battle of the century. I don't even know what the battle was about and I doubt they remember either.

I'm sure that all the people at that gas station thought I was a horrible mother for not interrupting their fight...and maybe I am. But I think it's nice for them to work things out themselves...to either figure out a way to solve the problem or just decide it isn't worth it. Because, let's be honest, I won't always be there to do that for them. When they grow up and have a spouse...mama definitely can't step in and solve the problem. It's all them and Jesus! So I might as well save myself some energy and give them a chance to practice!

Errr....or something like that! That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Something Worth Fighting For

Confession: I'm a drama queen.

So Michael works full time and goes to school full time. And he's a music major...and if you don't know why that would make matters different, bless you!

Anyway, so I really only see him in passing from Tuesday morning until Sunday (he literally comes in, showers, changes clothes and leaves again).

Thursdays are particularly lonely for me and I always think of this line from Cold Mountain, "If you are fighting, stop fighting. If you are marching, stop marching. Come back to me. Come back to me is my request." I am particularly awful at accents of any sort so even though I say it in my best southern belle accent...I'll spare you.

And then I imagine myself as a delicate southern belle (even though in real life I'd be more suited for the role of Ruby Thewes) at home keeping house, waiting for my soldier who's off fighting some heroic battle. I imagine him reading those words and  walking on beaches and over mountains, eating crawdads and goat meat, being nursed by some old lady with bitter herbs, walking through snow and ice, moving heaven and earth to get back to me...

until finally I hear the roar of a motorcycle engine pull into our driveway.

My soldier is home.

I know, he's not out fighting a literal battle. But he is fighting. He is fighting for our family.

The best part is that he gets to come home often enough so that neither one of us forgets what he's fighting for. Because that's important. There are no deserters here, no giving up because we can't remember what we're fighting for.

This is real. We are real. We aren't perfect but we are redeemed. Redeemed by a fierce God who has fought the battle of the ages and won.

Because this is something worth fighting for.

Stepping Out in Real Life

I did something a little bit crazy today.

For the past three years my kids and I have spotted the most interesting sight around our town.

A man. Riding a unicycle. And while a man riding a unicycle is quite common and very ordinary at the circus...it's rather exciting and extraordinary on an ordinary day, in an ordinary town, on an ordinary street.

Photo Credit: Ken Looi, Universal Unicyclist

The first time we saw him, his unicycle was bicycle height off the ground, and over the last three years we've watched him rise higher and higher.

A few weeks ago, I decided that I would love to talk to this man. Unfortunately, I had no idea who he was and couldn't find anyone who DID. So I concluded that I'd have to catch him when he wasn't posed on top of a unicycle to talk to him, because I don't want to kill him by asking him his name.

**:) I apologize for my ignorance, I have since learned that it is possible and even not that hard to talk to someone while (uni)cycling. In fact, I found a video of this guy doing just that...down Lombard Street in San Francisco! Oh well! I guess my ignorance makes this story even more ridiculous! Have a laugh at my expense!**

So today while I was headed out to get gas, I spotted him.

Then I looked in the mirror. Gag me! I hadn't showered and was dressed in lazy housewife attire, complete with no shoes and no makeup. Believe me, I was a sight to behold. But, I decided that if I saw him on my way back that I would take it as a dare.

Fast forward to around 20 minutes later...

I had pretty much forgotten about him, but on my way back home, I spotted him carrying his unicycle. I had a small window of opportunity to catch him and not put his life in danger to speak to him.

So I parked the car, pulled my "business" cards out of my purse and began chasing the man down. (okay...here's the picture...imagine the unkept woman described above, plus the 6 inch mismatched wedges I found in the back of my van from when i took them off and never carried them into the house, running down the street shouting "sir! sir!" It was a sight to behold...let me tell ya!)

He stopped! I asked him if I could interview him, I handed him my card, and he very kindly began telling me about places I could find him on internet and a book that he's writing! (Note to self:  before leaving the house, check to make sure you have a writing utensil because when someone is giving you information you need, little plastic men, used tissues and gum are absolutely no help at all.) A unicycle riding lesson may very well be in my future...stay tuned!

So, I gave out my first legitimate business card (it may be the only one I ever have occasion to give out...so this must be celebrated!) and I chased down a random stranger to ask for an interview.

For me, both of those things require stepping out of my comfort zone. And honestly, my comfort zone is a comfortable place, it's kind of somewhere I previously dreaded leaving. But I'll tell ya what, there is almost always some good that comes of getting out of it. I always learn something new or grow in some way. And I think that every time I do it, it gets a little easier to talk myself into doing it the next time.

Have you left your comfort zone lately? Has your unwillingness to step out of your comfort zone kept you from doing something you want to do?

What are your goals for today? What one thing, that might happen to be out of your comfort zone, can you do right now to work toward that goal?

Have an awesome day! And please let me know if there's anything that I can do to encourage or help you work toward a goal!